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Sooory it took so long, writers block -_- just for this particular story...*sigh* anyways vote if you like :)

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Elliot’s POV

He found out. James found out I am a slut, my life is ruined. He’ll think I’m disgusting, he won’t ever want to see me again…

“Who loves me James? Tell me.” I whispered closing my eyes while my tears spilled out. Nobody loves me, I’m a nobody.

“I do Elliot! I love you! And I don’t want to see you getting hurt; I don’t want to see you selling yourself!” He placed his hands on my wet cheeks, I kept my eyes shut. I’d desperately love to believe that but I don't. He doesn’t love me.

“No you don’t…”

“I do Elliot.”

“Show me you love me James. Show me you really do love me.” I opened my eyes to look at him. If he really does love me than he has to show me; how? I’m not sure but he better figure something out fast. I waited for his response, looking him square in the eyes trying to pick up any emotion from them and I did. He looked at me a way a friend would, not a lover. He doesn’t love me the way I love him, he loves me as a friend and nothing more. I friend he had sex with, a friend who doesn’t know how much I really do love him. Why do I love him? How could I fall in love with James? Of all people I had to pick James. I wish I could control who my heart goes for, the way he is I wouldn’t pick him in a million years.

I glanced up at him once last time before walking out of the room and out the front door; I don’t know where I’m going exactly but I’d rather be outside in the dark then be in there.

James’ POV

I heard the front door close and lock and cringed; why did I just stand there like a moron? I don’t love him, I can’t love him he’s my best friend. Yeah we had sex but that doesn’t mean anything right? …Right? Oh who am I kidding?! I loved feeling him against me, his soft lips, his gentle touch. Maybe I do love him and I don’t know it yet, I mean a guy can fall in love with a guy right? I know plenty of gay couples its not like I’m against it but…this is Elliot we’re talking about. He’s annoying, a tease, sarcastic, bi-polar, a child…then again he’s cute and funny, he seems to hide a lot of emotions until I fish them out and damn he’s good in bed.

Maybe…I could…somehow figure out if I love him or not. Maybe I could be with him to see how it is? I groaned, face palming myself. No that’d be like using him right? Well not really, there's a 50% chance I could be in love with him so I technically wouldn’t be using him until I found out if I’m not actually in love with him.

I’ll take my chances.

Sighing, I walked out of his room and slumped on the couch, watching the two idiots play video games. I’ll leave Elliot alone for now, he needs some space I mean, he just confessed he’s a whore. Which he isn’t. He just got into some crap; I can get him out of it. He doesn’t act like a whore at all and I can tell he doesn’t like it. “What was that all about?” Rodney asked after he beat Dean, again. I shrugged not wanting to tell them anything, this is Elliot’s life so it’s not my place to be gossiping about it. I couldn’t help but notice the quick look Dean and him gave to each other before he looked back at me. “O…kay. Well when he comes back can you tell him to stop banging on the couch? It stinks and has stains and you’re sitting on it.” I blinked. Right. Whoops. I barely noticed since I was so lost in thought, we didn’t clean up afterwards…

“…yeah…sure.” I brushed my hand through my hair and got up. “When he gets here could you let me know?” They nodded and I left to my room, flopping face first on my bed then turning over to my back. I wonder what it’d be like to be in love with Elliot. Sure, he’d still be annoying as hell but we would be able to do more…much more than we ever could have before. I could kiss him whenever I wanted to, hug him, touch him, hell I could even lick him if I wanted. Suddenly this whole ‘get with Elliot plan’ seems like it’d be fun, more than fun.

Wait.

What is wrong with me? I’m thinking this about my best friend!  I gotta admit though, my best friend has a nice body…and god his voice when he moans my name sends shivers through me just remembering it. The way he writhed under me as I took him and the feel of him surrounding me was better and hotter than all the girls I’ve been with…combined.  I closed my eyes as I recalled last night; his facial expressions, his sounds, his taste, the way he felt beneath me. Subconsciously my hand traveled slowly down my chest as I imagined his cold hands on me, down to my abs then to my hardened groin where I pictured him unbuttoning my jeans and slowly unzipping them. I gasped when his imaginary fingers brushed past my tent and slowly, teasingly, moved into my boxers. I bit my lip to refrain from moaning when I imagined him grip me in his hand and start to move up and down. Up…and down…up..and down up and down. Up. Down.

“Hey James do you have my gorillaz shirt still?” I jumped, breaking out of my trance to cover myself with a pillow just as Rodney walked in the room. He stopped as soon as the door was open; my expression was that of shock, embarrassment and anger though I doubt he could tell. He barged in here for a t-shirt? A bloody SHIRT?! He made me stop for THAT?! I was seething on the inside. “Um. Dude what were you doing?” he cocked a brow at me.

“Nothing. It’s over on the dresser.” He gave me a weird look then grabbed the shirt and left. I fell back on my bed realizing what I was doing. I was going to do it, masturbate to my best friend. What the hell was I thinking?! Fuck! Why are all these weird thoughts going through my head now? After you have sex with a person for the hell of it you aren’t supposed to feel this way! I put both hands on my face as I wallowed in my thoughts.

Elliot’s POV

I walked around for a good hour or so in the rain, it was only misting out so I wasn’t too soaked, but it felt good to be out of the apartment. I got to thinking about things; James mostly. Most of the time was spent on whether or not James thinks I’m disgusting but I could never say he was, I just know for a fact he wouldn’t, but I could be wrong. I thought about if he told Dean and Rodney but what would they do? They’ve been friends with me for just as long as James so they wouldn’t think I’m gross. Seems like the only one who thinks that is me. But I can’t stop being one now…

Sighing, I opened the front door and stepped in, shaking my hair to get the small droplets off the ends. I noticed Dean was sitting alone watching The Fight Club in the living room so I left him alone; I wonder where James is…he’s probably in his room or something. I don’t want to see him now anyways…

Well that’s a complete lie.

I sighed again walking into my room; maybe a nice warm shower will ease my still tense muscles. I headed to the bathroom and closed the door; I turned on the water then undressed not wanting to look at myself in the mirror. I’m hideous, I’m skinny, I’m pale, I look dead. Why would I want to look at myself? Or rather why would people want to look at me? People don’t look at me they use me, that’s it. Maybe this is what my life was supposed to be like, maybe the way I am now was fate. My life isn’t supposed to be normal; I’m not supposed to be happy. I’m supposed to be used, just as I was years ago by my father. I’m a walking sex toy.

I shook my head and entered the steamy shower, relaxing only slightly when the water pelted my back. I don’t see why I don’t just end my miserable life now, I have nothing to live for, I don’t have another half, I don’t have a family. I’m alone in this big ugly world so why don’t I just end the suffering? I rested my forehead on the wall underneath the shower head, water dripping down my face and nose. My eyes diverted to the plug, I could easily drown myself; no one would know. I clenched my eyes tight; no I can’t rack up the nerve to do it. I need to get these suicidal thoughts out of my head!

Just then, what felt like arms wrapped around my waist, I jumped but didn’t make a noise since I automatically knew who it was. I’d know those strong arms anywhere. James. No it can’t be, why would he do this? Maybe it’s my imagination…the arms tightened and pulled me back so I was against a naked chest and groin. Okay YES IT IS HIM, my mind panicked and celebrated and freaked out all at the same time. James. In the shower. With me. Naked. And. Excited? This is all too good to be true. Did he read my thoughts? Is he trying to get rid of my thoughts? If so he’s doing a damn good job about it.

“Elliot,” he whispered my name in my ear, sending shivers throughout my body then landing on the apex between my legs. How does he do that? It takes me forever to get hard with others, of course, I’m not madly in love with them and they don’t look half as good as he does. His soft warm lips gently pressed against the middle of my neck and shoulder to kiss me then he just stayed there, enjoying the moment. I leaned back on him, turning practically to jelly doing the same. James must have feelings for me right? I mean he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t…right?

His hands started to work slow circles onto my sides breaking my train of thoughts with a moan; I could feel him smile on my neck before giving it another kiss. I was in pure bliss to say the least. One minute I’m having suicidal thoughts, the next James is pretty much saving my life by just being here, with me, in the shower. I sighed dreamily wanting to cherish this moment forever. “Be with me Elliot. Be mine. Let me be yours.” And then the moments ruined. I turned around taking a step back. He wants what? I can’t be with him, I just can’t! There's no way in hell I can be with him.

“W-what?” I stuttered sounding like a idiot choking on a fish. Don’t ask me, I don’t know.

“Be my boyfriend.” He reached up his hand to stroke my cheek but I looked away, not wanting to see the look on his face because I knew it would hurt me, I adverted my eyes. He won’t understand, there's no way he could understand. He’s not in my position; he doesn’t have to do what I do every day. He won’t understand, he’ll get mad, he’ll storm off, and he’ll never want to talk to me again. Why can’t life go right for once?! I want to be with him! I always wanted to! And now that he’s asking I’m declining? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I can’t be with him, I’ll hurt him, I’m a slut don’t you remember James? “I-I can’t.” I wanted to see his expression but I knew it would kill me, he probably looks pissed, or upset or quite possibly embarrassed. Either way it would hurt, a lot, to know I was the cause of it all.

“Why not?” I snuck a peek, he looked confused but other than that fine; he was always good at hiding his emotions when he wanted.

“You know what I am…I can’t have a boyfriend. It just doesn’t work that way, and I can’t quit now.” I adverted my eyes again looking at the water droplets pounding on the tub floor. There's no way I could have a boyfriend, I can’t quit because I know full well I can’t live without money and Josh would kick my ass. If not worse. I cringed at the thought. He could pulverize me!

“Yes you can. I can help you. Elliot, you don’t need to live that life I can make you happy, I can make you see that I love you once I figure it out for myself. I’m all yours Elliot.” He raised my chin with his index finger; I dared to look into his eyes and regretted it. I melted. I felt like putty in his hands. He was so perfect and he wanted me, I trust the things he says, I know they’re true. Why can’t I just let everything go and make myself happy?

I closed my eyes in thought. If I chance it…what could go wrong? I have Dean, Rodney and James to back me up right? I’ll be fine…I hope.

I opened my eyes to his giving him a slow, soft smile and leaned up to kiss him gently on the lips.

I deserve to be happy don’t I? Doesn’t every human being deserve happiness? I hope so or I’m screwed.

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Can't believe I wrote that. It just all came out practically sunconsciously ._.

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