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"And then in attempts to clean the soup I had just knocked into his lap, I grope him you-know-where, so I quickly pull my hand away, and accidently slap him in the face." Vic laughs, his fingers tightening around mine a little more as he does so.

"Oh my god. No way." I wheeze practically dying of laughter.

"And that was the first, and the very last time I went on a blind blind-date." he sighs, grinning widely.

"Babe, I'm so sorry." I laugh.

"Don't be. If I hadn't completely fucked that up, maybe I'd be with him and not with you. And hey, I kinda like you." he murmurs.

I lean forward and kiss his lips, probably for the hundredth time today.

Neither of us had classes today so we've just been hanging out all day.

Vic showed me how he uses his phone and how he watches, well listens to, movies, which amazes me how much technology has evolved to be accessible to people with disabilities. He answered a few more of my annoying questions and now we're laying on my bed while he's telling me loads of interesting stories about himself.

I almost can't believe how fucking interested I am in him. When I was dating Brandon, sometimes I'd kiss him just to shut him up. But with Vic, I could listen to him talk all day.

"Okay, I just told you one of my most embarrassing stories, and I say 'one' because there are many. Now you have to tell me one about you." he murmurs, nudging me.

I frown at the request. They're called 'embarrassing stories' for a reason. The last thing I want to do is embarrass myself in front of Vic more than I already have.

"Well there was this time I, like an idiot, left my suitcase in front of the door and my brand new roommate, whom I had never met, tripped over it." I blush, cringing at the memory.

"Oh my god, you're embarrassed about that? I'm the one who fucking fell over." Vic laughs.

"I'm embarrassed because I made you feel embarrassed." I whine, burying my face in his shoulder.

"Kells, you don't have to take on other people's shame or embarrassment." he murmurs with a soft chuckle.

His words hit harder and deeper than I think he intended them to, and I go silent as I sink into thoughts of the shame surrounding my sexuality.

"You're so cute." Vic sighs, squeezing my hand. He slowly shuffles his face across the pillow towards mine. Then he gently kisses my nose.

His gentle words reminds me of my homework from Dr. Levit.

"Hey, how would you describe me in three words?" I ask curiously.

"Hmm. That's tricky." he frowns thoughtfully. He rolls onto his back and pushes his shades back onto his face as they shift slightly.

"I would say...sweet, adorable," he pauses for thought. "And mysterious."

"Mysterious?" I frown.

"Yeah, you're quite mysterious. It's a good thing though. Keeps me intrigued." he admits.

The word doesn't sit right with me. It seems like a compliment but being mysterious was not my intention.

"In saying that though," Vic continues. "When you can see, you have the ability to not only make assumptions and judgements about people based on their appearance, but also to learn so much about them. I can really only exclusively get to know people through communication, and you're not a big talker so I guess in that sense you're mysterious to me." Vic explains. "But it's not a bad thing. Like I said, it just makes me all the more interested in you."

It still bothers me though, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm already a lot more open with Vic than I feel comfortable. Five years of therapy and you'd think I'd be over my fear of vulnerability by now.

I make a mental note to myself that I'll try a little harder and be a little better. God, I can't fuck this up.

A part of me deep within my subconscious makes it difficult to admit it, but I really like him. I don't want to lose him because I'm scared to take a risk.

But on the other hand, I don't want to push myself too far like I did with Brandon.

This relationship is exhausting me and I really wish it wasn't. I wish I could enjoy things like a regular person.

"You think I'm sweet?" I ask, deciding to move on from the whole 'mysterious' thing.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he chuckles.

"I don't think I'm sweet." I frown.

"You don't?" he asks sounding confused.

I whisper a simple 'no' and look away a little ashamed.

"Can I ask why?" he murmurs.

I don't want to answer the question but I need to be more open with him, so I sigh and bite the bullet.

"I was a bit of an asshole to my last boyfriend." I admit shamefully.

"Brandon?" he asks and I hum.

There's a little silence as I blink away my tears. I worry that my confession has changed Vic's perception of me. Maybe it is better if I'm mysterious to him.

"Hey," he says gently, placing his hand on my cheek then taking my chin between his fingers and turning my face back to his.

He kisses me softly then pulls me closer to him.

"Past mistakes don't make you who you are. People fuck up, and it's okay, so long as you change your behavior. You've been nothing but sweet to me. You're not an asshole, Kellin." he reassures me.

My heart swells as his words.

"I'm so glad I met you." I whisper.

He just smiles then let's go of me as he rolls onto his back, although before I can even blink there's a loud thud and Vic is no longer on the bed.

It takes me a second to realize that Vic fell off the bed.

"Ow." he says flatly.

"Oh my god, Vic, are you–"

As I clamber to peer over the edge of the bed, I misjudge where the mattress ends and find myself tumbling after Vic.

I land on top of him which breaks my fall but he groans in discomfort.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, are you okay, are you okay? Vic, I'm so sorry." I ramble trying to push myself off Vic but he wraps his arms around my waist.

He then starts laughing, leaving me confused for a second but then relieved.

"Holy shit, I'm an idiot." he chuckles.

"Are you okay?" I ask just to make sure.

He smirks at me, then I feel his hand slip under my shirt, gently rubbing my lower back.

"I'm perfect actually." he mumbles.

I relax on top of him and let myself enjoy the feeling of his fingertips on my bare skin.

"You should probably kiss me right now." Vic sighs, his hand moving slightly lower so it's sitting on the waistline of my jeans.

"Oh really? Should I?" I tease, grinning.

"Please." he whispers.

I gently touch his cheek as I lean down to kiss him. I feel my breath hitch as my lips touch his, but I barely have time to hesitate before he kisses me. His kiss is firm and he holds me tighter.

I feel his tongue against my bottom lip so I allow him to slide it into my mouth. He kisses me deeply as my breathing becomes a little shaky while I kiss back. Boy am I glad I taught him that.

His hands slip lower so they're resting on my ass. I'm surprised by the gesture but definitely not complaining. I push my fingers up Vic's shirt and run my hands over his warm skin. My fingertips trail across the hair below his belly button which makes him shiver a little.

Vic suddenly squeezes my ass and I can't but to let out a small grunt. He gently rolls me onto the floor and shifts so he's on top of me. The feeling of him pressed up against me, turned on and gently grinding into me is so sensual that I can hardly breathe.

As Vic moves a hand from my ass to my hip, he accidentally brushes his hand against my crotch.

He stops kissing me as blood floods his cheeks.

"Sorry." he whispers.

"Don't be." I whisper, once again trying to see through his dark shades.

I reach for the button on his jeans and notice his breath catch in his throat, causing a shaky breath to leave his lips.

I'm about to undo his jeans until there's a knock on the door. The sound startles me and I immediately push Vic off of me.

My heart hammers in my chest as I look toward the door, desperately trying to catch my breath.

But the reality of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks and a tsunami of nausea floods my body. A lump of shame fills my throat and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself.

I'm too caught up in my head and in the sickness I feel to remind myself that this is okay, that I'm allowed to be sexually attracted to a guy, that I have no reason to be ashamed.

There's another knock at the door which just panics me more. Whoever it is is going to know. They're going to know what we were just doing, they're going to know all my dirty secrets, my perverted thoughts.

"Vic?" the person calls.

"Shit, it's my brother." Vic sighs softly.

I don't care who it is though. All I know is that I want to be anywhere but in here with Vic.

"Ah, just give me a second Mike." Vic calls.

"Kells, you okay?" he asks me softly, somehow sensing that I'm distressed. Or maybe he has no clue. I don't know. I can't even look at him.

I just nod, forgetting in the moment that he can't see me.

I take a deep breath but the action makes me sure that I'm going to throw up.

"Kellin, are you okay?" Vic repeats.

This time I remember to reply verbally.

"Um, yeah." I breathe out, trying to collect my thoughts but they're so engulfed by emotions that I can't seem to think straight. "I need to go."

"What?" Vic says confused as I scramble to my feet.

"I have to go, I'm sorry." I spit out quickly then hurry to the door.

I pull it open and am met with a tall boy. I barely glance at him as I push past him and rush down the hall. I leave the building and lean over the closest gardenbed, expecting to throw up but nothing comes.

I still feel nauseated though, but I know this isn't physical. It's psychological and it's not going to get better without some help.

I make a split second decision to go see Sammy. I know she'll make me feel better, she always does.

As I make my way to her dorm, I work myself up even more, fueling the shame that aims to engulf me. By the time I get to her door, I'm panicked and in tears.

I knock rapidly and loudly, desperate to get her attention.

She opens the door looking confused and flustered. I notice that she's doing her top button on her shirt up, then I look past her and see Jordan shirtless.

I'm too overwhelmed to even feel embarrassed that I've obviously interrupted something.

"Hey Kells, hey, what's wrong?" she coos, looking at me concerned.

"I-I can't do this, Sammy." I choke out.

She purses her lips then pulls me inside the room. She sits me down on her bed across from Jordan's and kneels in front of me.

"Okay, sweetie, I can see you're very upset. But I'm going to need you to elaborate. What can't you do?" she asks, gently rubbing my knee.

"This!" I exclaim. "This whole thing. I can't be like this, Sammy! It's wrong. It's so wrong." I sob.

"Kellin, listen to me, there is nothing wrong with you. You know that." she stresses. "What happened? What sparked this?"

I take a breath and try to collect my thoughts.

"Vic and I, we," I stop, not wanting to tell my sister something so private. "I'm just so attracted to him, Sammy."

I sniff and watch her face soften.

"Kells, that is a good thing. That is a great thing. Attraction is not something to be ashamed of. It is a beautiful thing and you should be grateful and proud and excited." she lulls.

"If it's such a great thing then why does everyone hate me for it? Why did Dad hate me for it?" I whimper.

"Dad was a miserable old man and just wanted to make everyone around him miserable. That had nothing to do with you and who you are. And I can assure you, everyone does not hate you. You are so loved, Honey. And yeah, there's going to be people that are going to try to bring you down for who you are, but those are the ones who are wrong. Not you." Sammy explains.

She gently brushes her thumb across my cheek, wiping away some tears.

"But I just want to be normal." I whisper.

"Oh Kells," Sam sighs. "This is normal. This is so normal. Look around you, baby.  There are so many people like you. There's Vic, there's Brandon, there's like three different LGBT clubs at this school. Heck, even Jordan is into guys." she exclaims.

I look over her shoulder to Jordan confused.

"You are?" I ask him, sniffing and wiping my eyes.

He smiles and nods.

"Girls too, but yeah. I mean, boys are so cute, how could I not?" he chuckles.

That makes me smile a little. Boys are cute.

Sam stands up and sits next to me on her bed as she wraps her arms around me. I lean into her, needing the comfort.

"Have you dated guys?" I ask Jordan, clearing my throat.

"Yeah, of course!" he grins. "Some of my best relationships have been with guys."

"But have you been in love with a guy? Like do you think it's more than just attraction?" I ask, feeling a little frustrated at my vulnerability. But I need to know.

"Oh of course, Kell." Jordan says. "My last boyfriend and I were in a relationship for nearly three years and I was sure I was going to marry him."

"What happened?" I sniff.

"Just normal relationship stuff. Things got in the way. He had plans. I had different plans. We broke up. But I did love him. And if things were different, I think I could have loved him forever." he explains, seeming somewhat fond of his previous relationship. "But just look at gay celebrities. Elton John, Jim Parsons, Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin–they've all openly been in gay relationships for a long time. You can absolutely have a fulfilling life and relationships with a man."

His words make me feel a lot better. I don't know much about these gay celebrity couples but Vic did say famous gays were his forte so maybe I should ask him about it.

"See Bub," Sammy smiles, shaking me a little. "This is a good thing. You have nothing to feel bad about."

"I know." I nod. "I just freak out sometimes."

"That's okay, so long as you can bring yourself back. And you did. I'm so proud of you."

"I didn't. You did." I frown, shaking my head.

"Yeah, but you came here and asked for help which is a massive improvement." Sam points out.

I nod, knowing she's right.

"So," Jordan says, as he slides a shirt on. "Tell me about this Vic guy. I haven't talked about boys in forever."

I blush and giggle and Sam looks to her roommate fondly.

Feeling significantly better, and safe, I start telling Jordan about Vic, and once I start I can't stop. I just like him a lot, which right now, seems kind of amazing.

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