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"Babe, I really don't think you can be jet lagged from a five hour flight." I chuckle, brushing my fingers through Vic's hair as he lies in his bed.

We had just gotten back to our dorm and Vic claims to be feeling very fatigued. But I'm pretty sure he was just up late last night.

"I'm telling you I am." he whines.

"Okay, if you say so." I giggle which makes Vic smile.

"I have an appointment in half an hour. Why don't you sleep until I get back?" I suggest.

He immediately frowns.

"You're leaving?" he pouts. "I wanted to cuddle you while I slept."

"Why don't we cuddle later?" I murmur.

"Wow Kellin, no need to be so clingy." he beams jokingly.

I roll my eyes at him but obviously he doesn't see that.

"Get some sleep, okay?" I say softly.

"Okay." he murmurs.

I run my fingers through his hair again then kiss his cheek for good measure.

I stand off his bed then locate my card, before I quietly leave the room.

I'm exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Being with Vic, out of town, away from everyone and everything was so freeing.

Coming back to college feels like being smacked in the face with reality.

Lying next to Vic last night was amazing and all I could do was imagine being out and open with him when we got back. I assumed I would kiss him goodbye before every class and introduce him as my boyfriend to new people, but the second Vic and I got onto campus, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

It's like now that he's my boyfriend, officially, I don't want even want to hold his hand down the hall anymore. This huge weight of anxiety didn't leave my chest until we were behind closed doors.

I decide I'm going to go see Sammy before my session. I need a pick me up, some reassurance, someone to tell me I'm being stupid.

I make my way to her dorm and knock. It's Jordan who answers the door.

"Oh, hey buddy," he smiles then moves out of the way, revealing Sam who is sitting on her bed with her laptop in front of her.

She looks up and me and squeals, then she quickly clambers off the bed.

"You were supposed to text me when you landed!" she exclaims. "How did you get home?"

"We took an Uber." I chuckle as she throws her arms around me. "I didn't want to bother you."

"Bother me? You could never." she grins.

"I might go do some food shopping. You want anything, Sam?" Jordan interjects.

"I'm good. Thanks though." Sam smiles, pulling me towards her bed.

Jordan then leaves, closing the door behind him.

"Oh my god. Everything. Tell me everything." she gushes, sitting down.

I sit next to her, feeling myself blush furiously under the pressure of her excitement.

"It was a fun trip." I answer in almost a whisper.

"I bet it was." she grins, seemingly urging me to elaborate.

I stay silent. I wanted to talk to her about my negative feelings and thoughts but she's so excited for me, I don't want to put a damper on that.

"Come on, Kells." she grins nudging me. "Spill. How did he ask you out? When?"

I blush and smile at her questions.

"Actually, I asked him." I admit.

"What? No way!" she gasps. Then her expression softens. "Aw Kells. I'm so damn proud of you."

My hearts warms at her words. Her validation means a lot to me.

"So...have you kissed yet?" she teases.

I laugh a little at that and scratch the back of my neck.

"We actually kissed weeks ago." I admit. "And a few times since then. And then of course even more since I asked him out."

"What?" she screeches. "You kissed and didn't tell me?"

"I just didn't want you to make it a bigger deal than it is." I admit.

"Kells, this is a big deal! He's your boyfriend now!" she exclaims but I flinch at her words. Boyfriend. Big deal. Oh god.

Sam must notice my discomfort because she falls silent.

"No, no, you're right." she says softly. "This isn't a big deal. You kissed a boy, you're dating now, completely normal."

I nod and take a breath.

Sam wraps her arm around me and rubs my shoulder slowly.

"I'm sorry. I just get excited for you. But I'll tone it down." she surrenders.

I nod and smile gratefully.

"If you are ever not feeling great about this, like you're overthinking, or not thinking healthy things, come talk to me, okay?" she offers.

I kiss her cheek gratefully and thank her quietly.

"You know this is a good thing, right Kells? He seems to really like you and he's so cute. From what I can tell you connect really well and you seem perfect for each other." she explains.

That makes me feel better, even if it's just momentarily, it's exactly what I needed.

"I know." I assure Sam.

"Good." she smiles. "But if you ever need a reminder of that, I'm just a text away."

"Thanks Sammy, I really appreciate it. I have to go to my appointment now but I'll see you soon." I tell her.

"Of course, I'm sure Dr Levit will be pleased to hear the news." she grins, standing up.

I nod, giving her a warm smile. She's such a great sister, I would be lost without her.

We say our goodbyes then I'm off to therapy.

As I sit down in my usual spot, Dr Levit gives me a look. Her eyes are squinted suspiciously and she looks a little confused.

"What?" I laugh.

She sits across from me and doesn't say anything. She picks up her coffee mug and takes a sip, not taking her eyes off me once, still looking at me puzzled.

"What?" I ask again, now a little nervous.

She stays quiet, seemingly in thought, then she places her mug down.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you have a boyfriend now." she states.

"Holy shit." I say in utter shock.

She smiles a little and leans back in her chair.

"So I'm right?" she asks.

"How did you know?" I ask eagerly. Did Sam call her or something?

"You just seem more at ease. You had the same breeziness about you when you were with Brandon." she explains.

I blush, now conscious of my demeanour.

"So Vic?" she asks, smirking a little.

I nod, coyly dropping my gaze to the floor.

"Well then, I take it your trip went well." she beams, writing something down in her notebook.

Her smile makes me smile as I look back up at her. I feel myself relax a little at the subject of Vic.

"Yeah, it was great. I had great company." I grin, blushing.

"Obviously." she chuckles. "So, let's get into it. Are you using the term 'boyfriend'?"

I nod.

"Yeah, in fact, I asked him to be my boyfriend." I admit, honestly feeling really proud of myself.

"Oh wow, Kells, I'm in shock." she says in awe. "What sparked this sudden change? Last we spoke, you were nauseated at the thought of a boyfriend."

I realize she's right. Then I wonder what has changed, but the only thing I can think of is Vic himself.

"I don't know. I think, maybe it's just Vic. He makes me..." I pause then smile. "comfortable."

"That's incredible, Kells. All everyone wants is for you to feel comfortable." Dr. Levit smiles.

I then begin to feel bad, because I'm not completely comfortable.

"It's not all rainbows and butterflies though." I admit.

She rests back in her chair and smiles softly.

"No, of course not. Things can't be fixed overnight. What is it that's difficult?" she asks.

I take a breath and look to the painting on the wall. I really hate that painting.

"I was fine for the most part when we were out of town. I guess I was just distracted. But getting back, I just feel so anxious. I feel uncomfortable holding Vic's hand in the hallway." I pause as a lump rises in my throat and tears fight their way to my eyes. "I just, he's so sweet, I don't want to be ashamed of him."

I take a tissue and wipe a tear as it falls down my cheek.

"I don't think you're ashamed of him, Kells. I think you're ashamed of your feelings for him, and ultimately yourself." she reminds me.

I nod, feeling slightly less guilty.

"I don't want to ruin this. I don't want him to suffer because I'm fucked up." I sigh.

"I know. But keep doing what you're doing, keep correcting your thoughts. And just take things slow. I would like you to go out of your comfort zone but if it's too much too fast, don't go there. You don't want to spiral again." she explains. "And hey, perhaps a positive healthy relationship is going to be beneficial for you."

"I think you're right. I mean, Brandon was obviously beneficial and I wasn't even that serious about him." I smile.

"You're serious about Vic?" Dr Levit, asks intrigued.

She picks up her coffee again and takes a sip.

"I want to be. He so interesting and sweet. And goofy. He's my opposite." I explain, feeling fond as I speak about Vic.

"I think you're all of those things, Kellin." Dr Levit laughs. I'm confused by her words. "I don't think you know that because not a lot of people tell you that. And they don't tell you that because a lot of people dont know. You rarely open up and give people the chance to know those things about you."

I consider what she says but I still have a hard time believing it.

She smiles as she stirs her remaining coffee, then she takes another sip before sitting it back down.

"I have a goal for you, a little bit of homework. I want you to try to be a little more open with Vic, then I want you to ask him at the end of the week to describe you in three words. If he says any one of those things, then I'll take down that painting you glare at every time you enter the room."

I laugh at her proposition.

"Okay, deal. Anything to get rid of that fucking fruitbowl." I agree.

She laughs and writes something down then she closes her notebook and crosses her legs.

"I'm so very proud of you, Kellin. I think Vic is going to help you tremendously. But I don't want you to put all your eggs in the one basket. Not all relationships work out, and I'm not saying that this one won't, but I don't want you to end up like you did after Brandon." she explains.

"What do you suggest?" I ask.

"Just keep in mind that you still have Samantha, you still have me, and you're still going to heal whether Vic is a part of that process or not." she explains.

I nod and take a deep breath.

It took so much out of me to make Vic my boyfriend, now I couldn't imagine losing him. I hope I don't fuck things up this time.

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