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Chapter 5: Count Your Blessings

It's hard sometimes, for me, to look at my life and be happy. I can't just say I am blessed with food, running water, and electricity. My mom would always tell me to count my blessings and she would name off about ten. Yeah, there are a lot of reasons to be happy, it's just hard to see them and know they are there. However, to be happy, sometimes I can see it and feel it so well, I know it is lying right next to me in bed after a long night.

***

Colby eased the heavy door forward and peered into Ben's room. She saw it, someone's smooth round butt. It stuck out from the warm sheets and completely captivated the girl. She stared for the moment. She shut the door but didn't make any noise. The brunette giggled and turned to Gwen who had just poured herself a cup of coffee. Gwen held a bright yellow ceramic coffee mug.

"Looks like Ben, got lucky," Colby smirked and chuckled. "Really lucky, I mean, like did you see that guy's ass." Colby tried to form the shape of it with her hands then made a little squeezing motion.

"Yes, I did. I told you he was there didn't I?" Gwen gave a coy smile and took a sip from her yellow mug. Gwen was already in her hotel uniform and needed to leave soon.

"How was Howard?" Colby questioned walking into the kitchen. "Was it everything you expected and more?" Colby busied herself around the counter not looking directly at Gwen.

"It was more alright, a lot more." Gwen let out a tired moan. "I could hardly handle it all. Too much." Gwen placed her hand to her forehead and shook. Anyway, I saw your date leave early this morning, when I got up, anything interesting happen there?"

"Not really," Colby let a sigh pass through her lips. "I mean he hit the spot, but it just wasn't…it wasn't great you know." Colby spun around and dropped her shoulders. "Just average. On another note, laundry day is coming up."

"Oh, I hate laundry day, it is probably my least favorite day of the month." Gwen shrugged and paused to think for a moment then nodded. Laundry day definitely topped any other days of the month for the worst. "I'm not doing it, let's make Ben do it."

"Yeah, but he will probably complain and you know how he gets when he is moody," Colby pointed out her elbows leaning against the counter.

The door to Ben's room opened and Seth stepped out only in jeans. He held a t-shirt and jacket in his hands. Seth looked at the two girls and gave a friendly smile. He looked a bit embarrassed and used his clothes to cover his built chest and six pack. Yeah, he was definitely a catch that the two girls were surprised Ben could get. They expected someone slightly pudgier and less defined features.

Seth nodded then hurried past the girls whose eyes drifted towards his butt as he exited. Even in denim it looked wonderful. The both turned to look at each other and didn't need words to express their feelings.

"Wow, romantic," Colby said and turned to Ben who had taken the time to slide on a shirt. "Good time last night?"

"Great time, it was…like I could finally taste something other than disappointment. He was amazing. His smell, his eyes, his…" Ben's eyes widened in horror as his mouth dropped.

"What?" Gwen said. "Don't tell me you forgot to wear a condom. Colby told me she told you so don't you get all spazztastic."

"No, that's not it," Ben said in between quick breaths. "I forgot to get his phone number. Oh great, now it will be like a one night stand, a fantastic mind blowing one night stand."

"Wow the sex was that good." Colby nodded wide eyed. She could believe it but was a bit disappointed that her night didn't stack up. "Why do I always get the crappy guys that don't even know which way is in. I always have to instruct them where to put it."

"Okay Ben, you're a slut, drop it. It is your turn to do laundry night." Gwen commanded. She watched Ben's facial features go from disappointed to annoyed.

"No, I am not a maid, I am not my mom. I don't do laundry. I don't touch bras or panties or whatnot." Ben shouted. "I will do my stuff, but I don't do girl stuff."

"You need to contribute though, I do dishes." Gwen pointed out. "Every night I do the dishes and take the trash out."

Colby gave Gwen an annoyed look, which luckily Ben didn't catch. If he did catch it, he would have spotted Gwen in her lie and their plan to make him do laundry would all go down hill.

"Yeah, I cook dinner every night, well almost every night. The nights Gwen doesn't steal from the hotel or we get take out. We are roommates Ben, we all need to contribute." Colby said in a much less chastising tone than Gwen's. "We will put our lights and darks into a bag so don't you worry. It will be easy just go and throw them in."

"Fine, I will do it." Ben shrugged and marched into the bathroom. He was beginning to see the downside of not living with his mother.

***

On the tube ride to work Ben couldn't help but see Seth everywhere. He didn't really see Seth, just people that reminded him of the boy. Ben wanted to have Seth's number and just talk about how great everything was. Everything felt simple with Seth. They didn't really have much of a goodbye that morning other than a single kiss and a smile. Ben would have offered to cook him something for breakfast, or have Colby do it.

A desperate sun tried to stick itself through some drifting clouds when Ben arrived at work. The first floor receptionist had dressed up even more so that day, as if she was going to impress someone. Ben ignored her and walked to the elevator to take him to the third floor. He wasn't sure exactly what he would be doing today. Ben knew that he would work close with Peter probably on camera type things. The brunette hadn't talked to Peter since the cupcake incident. He was anxious to see Peter and how the day would play out.

The elevator door slid open and a little girl stared up at Ben. He didn't really like little children, especially the ones with wide eyes, this girl had wide eyes. Ben tried to smile but felt unbelievably uncomfortable and squeamish. He scooted to the side and passed the child then walked down the hallway. Only a few moments later, he discovered that the tiny female was following him.

"Hello," Ben turned and spoke to the girl. He looked at her pink skirt and white blouse. She looked older beyond her years and dressed accordingly. She reminded Ben of a miniature librarian.

"Why hello there, I am Petunia, what is your name?" The girl tilted her hair and blond curls bounced up and down upon her head. She gave a large grin and blushed when she spoke to Ben.

"I am Ben; may I ask why you are following me?" Ben tried to sound like an adult and be polite about the topic. He didn't want to offend the tiny woman.

"Am I not allowed to?" Petunia inquired her large coffee brown eyes widened with fear at the thought that she was causing trouble. "Because…if I'm not allowed I will stop."

"No, it's not like you aren't allowed. More that I don't really like it." Ben tried to explain. "I don't like people watching me. I'm not into voyeurism."

"Oh, but my older brother Peter told me quite a different story. He told me you liked to watch him. He told me the American named Ben, which is you, watched him almost every day." Petunia spoke quickly and in a way much like a child. She seemed to not have developed that emotional voice of reason.

Ben turned red hot and sped away. Butterflies that grew in his stomach burst out and fluttered all around his body. The winged creatures twisted and turned in his head making his thoughts jumbled. He couldn't believe that he was talking to a relation of Peter. Ben found it harder to believe the fact that Peter had talked to Petunia about him. Peter, the first crush, talked to his little sister about Ben.

"It's rude to walk away from a conversation," Petunia pointed out as she came up skipping besides Ben. "Did you not learn manners?"

"I know and I did, but don't you have to be somewhere. I am sure your mom is worried about you." Ben spun around and said thinking of any way to get this girl out of his hair. "I am busy and you should be with your mother or father or brother."

"I do miss my mom," The girl said her voice low. Ben looked down at the girl and watched her kick her feet around the carpet. He knew he hit the right spot when he said that. Ben always missed his mother when he was in kindergarten.

"Go to her then, go home, I can't stay and watch you." Ben used all his wit to try and persuade the girl.

"I can't though, mummy isn't at home." Petunia mumbled still staring at her feet. An ominous silence descended upon the hallway. "She is…she is dead." Petunia looked up for a split second her eyes held back tears. "She's in the ground and all I can do is visit a rock with her name on it."

Ben's heart dropped and so did his mouth. He couldn't believe what he had just done. The girl turned to hide her tears and ran off down the hallway. If the situation wasn't bad enough Peter came to see Petunia run off.

"Peter, I didn't know your mom was…and I…" Ben wanted to explain but he saw the hatred behind Peter's eyes. Ben had never gotten that look from the eyes he once thought were so kind to him. Eyes, which he loved most of all about Peter were scaring him. They were hard and cold now, but a fire burned behind them. Ben could feel his stomach drop.

"Just-just, don't Ben," Peter muttered and left to find Petunia. Peter felt guilt build up in his stomach for letting his sister wander around the building not patrolled.

"Peter, wait," Ben wanted to get things cleared up but Peter was walking to fast.

"Don't follow me," Peter shouted and took off in a jog after his sister.

***

Ben took an early lunch break and found a small sandwich place near his work. He had a chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato but couldn't finish it. His stomach was full of worried thoughts. Ben's hunger put aside, he wrapped up his sandwich and went back to work. His job today was to work on editing with Peter. It was going to be a difficult task to not talk to Peter in the small editing room.

By the time Ben arrived Peter had already began to edit an episode of some television show. This was supposed to be the day that Ben got to know the editing equipment but he didn't think that was going to happen.

"Listen, Peter," Ben began, not making eye contact. He never wanted to see Peter look at him that way again if he could help it. "I am sorry, I didn't know and that was an honest mistake."

"I don't want to hear it; you don't just flaunt the fact that someone's mother is dead in front of them." Peter said his voice stern and angry. "You don't shoo a little girl who wants to talk off." Peter spoke harshly then returned to the comfort of silence.

Ben sat for a minute then found the words he wanted to say. He felt the sadness from the other day bubble inside of him like a tea kettle on the stove. It boiled into something that wasn't quite anger but a passion; a passion to speak his mind about how he felt wrong.

"Peter…" Ben began but was cut off.

"I don't want to hear it today Ben, Petunia is devastated in my office because of you." Peter refused to look at Ben. "Quite frankly I am hurt too." Ben had turned to face Peter and looked at the blue glow bounce off the once peaceful features.

"No, you need to listen now Peter. I seem to be the one that doesn't get a say. I am sorry I hurt you and your sister. If you want to hate me, fine, but don't use your mother as the excuse to. Just be honest and say you hate me because of that kiss."

Peter sat in silence and Ben waited for a response. He didn't receive any and left the room. Ben found his way to Peter's office and once inside noticed Petunia in a large comfy chair.

"Hi," Petunia greeted, more composed since the last time they met. "I'm sorry; I know I'm not supposed to cry. Peter and daddy say I need to be strong. They don't understand that I am not as strong as…" Petunia's voice cracked and she turned digging her head in the chair. She was trying to hide her tears from Ben, ashamed to show emotion.

"Petunia its okay to be cry. It's good, to let your feelings out and tell people what's happening." Ben looked as the girl turned her head to look at him.

"I just, want her so much. I miss her voice." Petunia sobbed. "Whenever I got hurt, I ran to my mum to kiss and make it better. Now, now I'm hurt and I can't run to her." Petunia whispered.

"If you ever want to cry, you can come to me Petunia." Ben offered. It was the only comfort he could say to the girl. "Because, sometimes, I want to cry to and I just feel like I have no one to go to."

"Adults…adults don't cry." Petunia whispered, her voice spoke as if she knew the world already.

"I know it seems like we don't, but we do, even if you don't see the tears." Ben replied and reached out and gripped Petunia's hand.

Ben got into the chair and Petunia sat on his lap crying and hugging him. Her small hands clung to Ben's larger one and she put her head on his chest. He felt hot tears dampen his shirt but didn't really care. For all that Ben knew they could have been his tears.

***

The day came to a close and nightfall made the sky black as Ben walked out of the BBC building. His eyes drifted up to the dark sky as rain began to drizzle down. The droplets reflected in the lights from the buildings then disappeared like phantoms in the dark. It had been raining today and Ben knew he needed an umbrella. The England weather was definitely getting him too wet. He heard the splash in puddles behind him and turned to see Peter running. The light from the entrance of the BBC building encircled him as he came.

"Ben," Peter said his eyes back to the normal state. "I need to…to tell you something. Petunia told me that I need to let my feelings out and tell people what's happening."

Without another word Peter pushed himself against Ben. Their lips met like two travelers in the dark. The rain came down harder and Ben felt Peter's hands clutch his waist. Ben moved his hands onto Peter's head just behind the man's ears. He felt the wet blond hair beneath his fingers and the smooth brush of Peter's lips against his. The kiss stopped as quickly as it had started and Ben stood staring speechless at Peter. The rain came down on the two men and their clothes stuck to their skin. Their eyes connected in the light from the streetlamps and silence spoke more than they.

"The kiss…the other one, I am just scared of relationships. This is all so new for me." Peter tried to explain. "My life has just been so busy with other things and I put love aside. I guess it crept up on me that night in the bakery and…" Peter just looked at Ben the words lost on him. "I want to say I am sorry for the way I have been acting. I want to tell you how I feel. Most of all, I want to invite you to dinner, I want to try this relationship thing with you." Peter looked so ready to take this plunge he had never dreamed of.

"I need to go Peter, let's plan our outing later." Ben whispered. His voice drifted between the drops. Ben left and headed for the tube station thoughts buzzing in his head. The kiss still lingered on his lips and he couldn't help but smile.

***

The moment Ben got back to the flat the bags of laundry was waiting for him. He didn't stop to exchange greetings and carted the bags off to a Laundromat down the street. Ben stood dripping in front of the washing machine and took off his shirt and jacket to throw them in. He had so many thoughts swimming in his head: Peter kissed him, Peter came out to him, Peter had a sister, and Peter's mother was dead. Peter was taking over Ben's mind. Today had been a rollercoaster of emotions and it was confusing Ben to the point where he couldn't focus on himself.

He felt a chill consume him as a puddle formed around his feet. In his head Ben formed a small shopping list of things to prepare for the rain.

"Hey," A familiar voice spoke. "You falling asleep? We didn't get much last night."

"Seth," Ben turned to see the American surfer guy he had had so much fun with the night prior. "Wow, you come here? You do laundry?"

"Yeah, I get forced into it sometimes by my roommate; I used to hate doing it. Now that you're here though, I can see myself having more fun with this laundry thing." Seth smiled and leaned against the laundry machine. His eyes drifted up and down Ben's chest.

Ben was a bit scrawnier than Seth. Ben gulped and watched as Seth's eyes scanned his body.

"We should be laundry buddies." Ben noted with a chuckled. "I mean, it would give us an excuse to see each other without our clothes on."

Seth laughed. Ben wasn't sure if it was in pity of how horrible Ben's joke was or if it was a truthful decent laugh.

"That would be a good excuse, hey, you know what?" Seth reached into his jean pocket and whipped out a Verizon cell phone. "Let's exchange our cell phone numbers…or as these Brits say our mobile numbers. I completely forgot to get yours this morning."

"Yeah, we did forget to exchange, didn't we." Ben pulled out his slick silver T-mobile and held it up. He exchanged it with Seth and they both put their numbers in each others phones.

Once they had their phones back Seth began. "You look a bit cold, mind if I…warm you up?"

Ben paused to think for a moment. His body was covered in goose bumps because of the chill and although he had dried someone he was still in an uncomfortable cold. Ben nodded and Seth leaned up against him. Seth's sweatshirt touched Ben's bare chest and the warmth hit him. Seth moved his hands up and down Ben's back causing friction.

"Better?" Seth said and leaned forward and put his head on Ben's shoulder embracing the man in a hug.

"Yeah, better," Ben replied staring off onto the dark street. His mind still buzzed like the neon lights above him, with thoughts of Peter.

***

It's sometimes hard to see through all the rain, mist, and hail, that we do have blessings. There are times when my blessings clash with each other and become less sacred than they should be. On one hand I have the guy I wanted with his wonderful hair and sincerity. On the other, another perfect guy with Adonis looks and everything he says is right. My mother would say that I should thank the lord that I have two blessings. Now, this is where I only see one. I shrug and sigh and thank whatever mother blessed me with such a big problem.

***

((((AUTHOR ANALYSIS)))

Okay, the analysis on this chapter is pretty basic. I brought in the character of Petunia, Peter's sister, for the simple reason to show Peter's emotions. As we have all discovered by now Peter isn't good with expressing himself, although in this chapter he did take a big stride forward. Petunia shows that Peter does feel sad and does want to cry. Moreover, it shows that he does notice Ben, hence the knowing that Ben was watching. Therefore, by apologizing and communicating to Petunia, Ben has opened himself up a door to Peter. Where this door will lead, should be interesting.

Okay, at the end Seth makes another appearance. They didn't kiss or anything, just hug. However, the interesting fact that Ben now gets warmth from Seth, while he was cold in the rain with Peter should be noted and put on record. Next chapter will be lighter, less drama hopefully.

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