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Chapter 4 – Get Out of my Head

It can get annoying when ideas get stuck in your head. I know for me it is the most frustrating thing in the world. I constantly obsess over certain things and my mind seems to come to a halt on others. It's like a clock that is ticking slower and slower, it looks like it stops ticking, but doesn't. When I obsess everything moves at a slow pace and I can't seem to pick it up no matter how fast I run. I can never seem to fix the internal clock and make it go faster.

***

"Good morning to you, good morning to you, we're all in our places with smiles on our faces. Is that not the way, to start off the day?" Colby sang as she walked into Ben's room and tugged open the blinds. A flood of light covered the room. The warm light shot into every corner and swept over Ben's sheets.

Ben tugged his blanket over his eyes and let out a moan. He didn't want to go outside into the cold day. He felt gloomy and gray and didn't want sun or anything like it.

"No, we have today free; we can explore, get cupcakes and even go clubbing tonight." Colby shook Ben furiously and whined like a child. "You don't get to mope, I made pancakes." Colby said as if her answer was the truth.

Ben sat up in bed and squinted angrily at Colby. He was in no mood for joy today. "I just lost a guy that I liked, a guy that I had been crushing on since the first day of my job. He was beautiful and fantastic and everything I wanted. I blew it and lost him and what stinks is now I can't eat cupcakes."

"Please Prima Dona," Gwen leaned in the doorway in her nightgown. "I am cranky and Colby woke me up with that incessant song of hers."

Colby walked by Gwen humming the tune as she hurried to the kitchen.

"Are you ever scared that Colby will, you know, kill us in our sleep?" Ben yawned stretching and sitting up in his bed. His eyes focused on Gwen who put her head on the side of the doorway. "I mean, she is," Ben paused for emphasis, "always happy."

"Some people are blessed," Gwen's eyes lowered to the tent which pitched itself in Ben's pants. "Have a good dream I see."

Ben screamed and grabbed a pillow to cover himself. "Don't point that out, that's rude. Rude," Ben shouted pointing and accusing finger at Gwen who scoffed and left the bedroom. "I just need sex," Ben whispered to himself, "a lot of it." Ben knew that the time was getting near when he would become a desperate animal. He need someone, anyone, and if Peter wouldn't comply then he had to search elsewhere.

Colby had a way with food. Her pancakes were fluffy clouds with warm syrup to dip. Ben ate as much as he could and enjoyed every last bite. He slid a soft piece through some thick syrup and it soaked up the sugar sauce. Ben held the pancake up with his fork then placed it on his tongue where the flavor danced on his taste buds. He chewed and swallowed and his inners grew with satisfaction. With hunger out of the way Ben crashed on the couch with a newspaper and his sock covered feet on the coffee table.

"Let's go shopping today," Gwen, more commanded than offered, as she exited the bathroom combing her hair. "I need to find something to wear for a hot date, a steamy hot date."

"Ooh," Colby smirked; coming from the kitchen to the couch she leaned on the back to get closer to Gwen. "Does this hot date have a name?"

"Yes," Gwen bit her lip seductively. "Harold, he is tall, black, and handsome. Maybe a little too much muscle but I don't care. I'd tap him, more than once."

"Sounds, fun, I need to go hunting. I have yet to bag a Brit." Colby pointed out. She looked a little concerned with her statement. "I am almost as desperate as Ben," She clasped her hands on his shoulders and shook him playfully. "Almost," She said again with a smile.

"Have you ever heard a wolf cry to a blue corn wind?" A loud female voice boomed out from seemingly nowhere.

"Oh jiminy cricket," Colby screamed and jumped. She leapt over the back of the couch and landed on the front next to Ben.

"What the hell is that," Ben jumped onto the couch thinking a tiny thing would dash out from under his feet. He didn't want a tiny creature to grab him and pull him away.

"It's Pocahontas," Gwen pointed out but noticed her friend's confusion. "We left it in the laptop. Someone must have knocked it with their feet." Gwen shot a look at Ben then clicked the pause button. "Go get dressed, time to buy mummy a new thong." Gwen clapped her hands officially starting the day.

"Yes mummy dearest," Colby and Ben replied in unison.

***

The trio took their shopping craze to Oxford Street which brought them a plethora of shops. These stores and restaurants catered to all their physical needs. The only problem was the fact that they losing more money than they were taking in. With Their paychecks still a week away, they put buying on pause and browsing on the agenda.

"How depressing," Colby said walking into Top Shop, a British clothes line store. "All theses clothes," Colby spun around dramatically throwing her arms out. "…and no money," Colby sighed and flung her arms by her side. Her eyes went to a beautiful cashmere scarf which hung limp on a hanger.

"Come roll in all the riches all around you and for once never wonder what its worth." Ben shrugged with a familiar tune in his voice. He glanced at the price of one of the shirts. It was out of his budget and it was a woman's so he wasn't interested.

"I know, if we were rich we wouldn't have any troubles. It's like money solves all the problems of the world. You know," Colby nodded, this new obsession with money popping into view. Ben turned to look at the girl who kept surprising him.

"I found them." Gwen held up a g-string thong between her hands. "They are beautiful, black lace." Gwen gazed upon the thong like a gift from god.

"Now when you talk to him you can talk to him with confidence because you have the goods to back it up." Colby pointed out and reached to touch the thong. Gwen pulled the undergarment away afraid that Colby would ruin it.

"Yes, and Harold won't know what hit him, until I am done – then he won't forget." Gwen said with a small smirk. "Just kidding, he will probably forget after half an hour. Let's face it no matter how good the sex is, guys forget."

"Probably," Ben nodded and turned to spot a handsome piece of man meat across the store. The man piqued an interest in Ben. He was definitely on the hunt again and the guy looked rather appealing to the eyes.

"Eyeing something you want to buy," Colby giggled nudging Ben in the ribs. "He is handsome, but look, the girl he is with. He is definitely straight. I mean he doesn't even look gay."

Ben scanned the man from top to bottom. He had long hair which seemed to bounce at his sides. It was wavy and took on that whole surfer-esque look. He had normal shorts and a gray t-shirt. What impressed Ben the most was the supposed-surfer's sun-kissed skin. His skin made him seem exotic amongst all the translucent Brits, a diamond in the rough to Ben who wanted it all to himself.

"Ben, stop lusting after a straight guy. You need to know you can't have them." Gwen had a way of slapping reality in Ben's face like no other. There were no, what if's with Gwen, there were 'definitly''s and 'for sure''s. It didn't matter to her that she shattered an evening of fantasies like an ornate glass mirror in a bull cage.

"You think I am an ignorant savage," Ben replied the same tune dancing on his lips. He questioned the tune and the song in his heart then shook his head to get it out. Ben discovered in high school how obsessing over the wrong guys only led to heartbreak but this surfer was different, he has a certain essence to him.

"Funny, anything you want to buy Ben?" Colby turned to her friend with a smile. Colby knew Ben was still a bit sad and wanted to cheer him up. "Come on, I will chip in, stop moping."

"I am not moping," Ben protested. He hated it when people told him what he was He hated it more when they were right.

"Yes you are, you're frowning over Peter. Peter is one guy, one." She held out one finger. "How many guys are out there?" Colby replied not realizing she was still holding one finger up. Ben looked at the finger and wanted to shout, one.

"Not enough for me," Ben shrugged and slid his hands into tight denim pockets. He turned away from the surfer who looked to distracted looking at the girl next to him.

"Moby Mope-r," Colby pointed a threatening finger. "Here, let's go to GAP and buy you a new jacket. Why come to England and not go to an American store." Colby smiled and skipped out of Top Shop. Her sunshine smile exited the store and Ben felt a need to follow.

Gwen followed with a bag of her purchased goods. Ben took one last look at the surfer and let out a dreamful sigh then followed his friends. His mind still dwelled on the guy who looked so fit and handsome.

After searching around the GAP for a new jacket Ben thought he found one. He quickly took it to the changing room to see how it would look in the mirror. He didn't need to go the changing room but felt it the only place to not be judged. GAP brought him out of his frowning and into a new fashionable jacket. It was gray with white letters which didn't spell anything in particular. Ben stood in the changing room and looked at himself in the mirror.

"Hi, I'm Ben," Ben spoke to his reflection. "Oh you like my jacket, yeah it's new." He said to himself. "What was that? You want me to take it off? How flattering but I couldn't. My abs you say, you could feel them better with it off."

The curtain flung open and Ben let out a yelp. He was shocked and scared and didn't know exactly what was going on.

"We can hear you outside, dear," Colby said and a few people behind her let out pent up laughs.

The curtain closed and Ben stood there red faced. He slammed his head into the glass and let out an annoyed sigh. He couldn't get his mind off the surfer who seemed to dance in his head next to that song.

***

The afternoon dragged on and the three returned to their flat before a planned night of clubbing. A setting sun placed an orange glow around the city. The beautiful sky turned mauve and blue with clouds reflecting the natural light show. Even the wind seemed to paint a beautiful portrait of vibrant color.

"Good dinner tonight," Colby thanked Gwen. "I mean, that was fantastic, Miniature Sheppard's Pies for all of us."

"Yeah, the hotel gives me them for free. You know, after I told the cook I was pregnant with twins. Their names are Colby and Ben. He said that he didn't like them though, I agreed in silence." Gwen laughed as she grabbed her purse. "Okay, are you two going to be okay tonight? If you need me I will leave my cell phone on."

"Isn't that kind of rude, I mean Harold should get your attention tonight," Colby tilted her head, her morals showing.

"Please, he is hot, not smart. Talking to him is like talking to a jock. He is so dumb he doesn't even know he is alive." Gwen spat out then a sultry smile appeared on her face.

"Yeah, you definitely didn't take that line from any great literature." Colby caught Gwen's reference and shot it back. Have fun with him okay, stay safe." Colby advised. "Use a condom,"

"What did you say about Gwen ripping lines out from somewhere?" Ben stated as he entered the room.

"Never mind, I need to go. Bye," Gwen glanced at her watch then left the two alone.

"Where do you want to go," Colby said grabbing her purse. "I will be your wing man- erm- girl." Colby giggled and fixed the strap on her purse as she walked to the doorway.

"Well, maybe walk around Old Compton Street." Ben bit his lip and thought about Peter and how much he wanted him. He wanted to grab Peter and do so many things to the man. He thought of how horrible it was to lose him and lose any chance of doing those things. The two walked out the door and took the Tube to the closet stop near Old Compton Street. The street was alive with activity. Everyone seemed to know where they were going and looked happy doing it.

"If you walk the footsteps of a stranger you'll learn things you knew you never knew." Ben whispered thinking of the people around him. His voice had the little tune in it from earlier. He wanted so badly to see how other people saw him. If they thought he was cute and kind or hideous and mean.

"Thank you," Colby smiled taking a flyer from a man. "Oh look free sex," Colby pointed on the flyer. Her mind kept jumping and her head looked around at all the people and places. "Oh I found a gay club, I think."

"Where?" Ben pepped up at the word and looked around the busy street. He couldn't see it but wouldn't be surprised if it was right in front of him.

"How about that," Colby pointed to a large sign which read G-A-Y.

"You sure it's a gay club, maybe they mean happy." Ben whispered his heart more worried about finding a guy. He didn't know if he could put himself out there. The last time he did he failed with Peter, did he want a repeat?

"No, Ben, it's a toy store, yes…yes it is a club. You go in and I will be right at that coffee shop. I think I saw a straight man there." Colby grabbed Ben's collar forcefully. "Ben, you are not the only one that needs to get laid. Please, please go find someone and keep busy while I talk to him. I love you Ben, I do, but I need this for me Ben." Colby's fierce persona disappeared and she gave off a large smile. "Have fun okay, be safe, and use a condom." Colby kept surprising Ben and he waved at her goodbye.

Colby went off and Ben turned to the club. He walked across the street, paid to enter, and pushed his way through the crowd to the bar. "Give me, something hard…" Ben wanted to drown his sorrows away in alcohol. It made sense, the liquid numbed the senses. His tongue craved the drink and he watched the muscled shirtless bartender work his magic.

"Come taste, come taste," Ben tried to think of the words in his song next. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he could quite get them out.

"Cum tastes wonderful," A flamboyant gay shouted as he wrapped his arms around a muscle bound meathead and disappeared onto the dance floor.

"Run the hidden pine trails of the forest, come taste…" Ben sang to himself remembering the words prior in the song.

"Come taste the sun sweet berries of the earth." The surfer said coming up behind Ben who looked shocked. The surfer from the store leaned up against the counter and eyed Ben suspiciously.

"You're that guy I saw," Ben held up a dumbfounded finger at the guy.

"The guy in Top Shop, yeah I saw you too, I see you are American as well," The guy laughed. It was funny, the feeling of familiarity that surged in both of them. He gave a nod and smiled a dopy but sincere smile.

"Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow, my friends said you were straight." Ben said almost believing that the guy was straight. "That girl with you was a…" Ben questioned holding his drink in one hand.

"Fag Hag yeah," The surfer responded with a laugh. He smiled at Ben and his piercing blue eyes saw right through Ben. "I see you are singing that infamous song. Well, I was wondering if you would like to discuss these hidden pine trails with me." The surfer stopped leaning and stood up straight revealing he was a few inches taller than Ben.

"Well, the heron and the otter are my friends, I am definitely an otter," Ben laughed feeling a slight buzz from his drink. He couldn't stop staring at the bright blue eyes of the stranger. They were so different compared to Peter's.

"We are all connected to each other," The surfer pushed up against Ben seductively. Ben liked the warm feel of the guy's strong body against his. He placed his drink down on the bar so as not to spill. He wrapped his hands around the surfer's waist. Ben felt a surge of pent up sexual energy and he didn't care that he was grinding up against someone he hardly knew. The fact that this guy was American and said all the right words was all Ben needed to hear.

"How high can the sycamore grow," Both the guys said and looked down and let out a laugh. They didn't need words to describe what the chemistry between them was cooking up. They both felt it growing and getting stronger and fiercer.

"Or whether we are white or coppered skinned," Ben sang and leaned forward kissing the tan surfer. He could feel lips slightly more dry than his push back. They were forceful kisses each one trying to one-up the other. The push invigorated Ben with a sexual energy which sent his mind off like fireworks on the fourth.

"That has to be the gayest thing I have ever seen/heard," The flamboyant guy said looking at the two from the dance floor.

It was a touchy feely ride on the Tube back to Ben's flat and he stumbled in with the surfer behind him. He felt a daze drift over his eyes and someone else take-over, a more confident Ben which knew all the right places to touch. The surfer tripped over one of the plastic chairs in the shadows of the kitchen. Ben and the guy giggled as they snuck into Ben's room and shut the door behind them. With the click of the door Ben knew it was okay now.

"Okay, before we do this, what's you're name? I'm Ben." Ben admitted feeling silly that he didn't bring it up before the first kiss.

"Seth, I'm Seth," The surfer replied with a laugh his eyes looking through the dark room.

Ben leaned forward and kissed Seth once more as they collapsed on the bed. They lay there exchanging kiss after kiss each one sharing more of their love than the last.

It proved more of a struggle to remove Ben's shirt than it did for Seth. Seth had a way of sliding out of clothes faster than Ben had ever seen. Seth was the speed racer of undressing. Both of them slid under the cold sheets and each let out a nervous laugh. Seth had an Adonis body and swimmers build. It was Ben's dream come true.

"Okay, so you said you were an otter? Okay I am a heron then?" Seth chuckled griping Ben's arms and beginning to turn him around in the bed.

"No, the heron is the one that," Ben gripped Seth's arms the same way and they both paused. "Great, so we're both," Ben sighed and knew that it wasn't going to work. He wanted it to so badly. He wanted this perfect guy to work out.

"Yeah, tops," Seth shrugged. Seth paused and as if the haze from his eyes was lifted he spoke from the heart. "Well, okay to be honest, it has been a while since I have…ya know done it."

"Me too, and would you feel more comfortable maybe just…feeling around," Ben suggested. He wanted this so badly he didn't want to throw it away in a drunken night of passion. "Because, this is really fast for me, like I never usually go out and pick up guys like this."

"Yeah, same, I have just felt kind of pressured recently. My hag is just so persistent." Seth said in an understanding way. "She has so much sex and then look at me and laughs when I don't have any stories."

"Okay, so how about we just, mess around and…and tell our friends we did it." Ben laughed. Ben wasn't sure if he was ready for sex, but there was plenty of energy that needed to be released. "I mean they won't know will they?"

"Right, good plan," Seth smiled and kissed Ben sealing the deal.

***

These ideas that form in our minds and think they can stay. We fool ourselves into making homes for self-doubt, pointless songs, and even otters. That's why it can be the hardest thing to focus on anything else in our lives. We turn our heads from one obsession to another. We pray that this new obsession won't be bad. I know that I pray for the obsession to at least be easy on the eyes and stay hard in the bed.

***

(((AUTHORS ANALYSIS)))

Okay, so the clock at the beginning of the story. Yeah, random right? NO! Not random…not random at all. The clock is very important. When people get ideas, breakups, and feelings stuck in their heads and minds they don't last forever. They feel like they last forever, but don't. The clock is more of a timer which counts down until Ben has gotten over everything, the song, the breakup, and the sad feelings.

In this chapter Colby also surprises Ben not only once but twice. In the beginning she was more of the motherly figure. She would cook breakfast and annoy the two children. I wanted to bring Colby away from this figure, but only a little. She speaks out more for her own needs in this chapter, her needs for clothes and fun. Beneath the giving and caring attitude she still is a little selfish.

Most of you might have noticed the Pocahontas "Colors of the Wind" lyrics (which I do not own and are property of Disney) scattered throughout the story. I chose that song because I felt it was one that would not only be stuck in Ben's head but also fit much of the dialogue. The funny thing about this chapter is even though Ben is completely ripping parts of lyrics from Disney the characters notice it. Gwen makes another reference to a piece of literature and Colby catches her on it. It is sort of mocking them in the story.

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