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Chapter 19 – Love Makes Us Crazy

We've all seen those movies, with the kooky girl and the handsome-secretly-sensitive bad boys. We swoon to the theater to see a girl trip over cans, fall into his arms, and at the end cry her eyes out just to get the guy. I know, these happy endings keep me coming back for more. Why not? Why not go crazy over love and happy endings. The classic Hollywood embrace and kiss never cease to amaze me. What would I do to have that, what would any of us do? May the Lord help us all.

***

Ben rolled over in bed. He felt another person's skin rub against his. He moved his hand and touched the warmth. It took a moment for Ben to remember where he was. Seth's bedroom, in Seth's house, and he had spent the night. Ben awoke from his thoughts returning to reality, which happened to be a poorly lit room. Seth stirred and lifted up his head.

"Hey lovely," Seth stared at Ben through half shut eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Ben their lips smooth against each other.

The small kiss woke Ben up and he returned it with a kiss of his own. He pulled away, parting their lips and looked at Seth admiring him. Seth had an amazing body, one that Ben thought he would never grace the presence of. "Did you sleep well?" Ben questioned and pulled his gaze up to Seth's face.

Seth, noticed Ben's wandering eyes, he was allured by the thought but restrained himself. "I slept great, dreaming of you." Seth ran a hand through his short brown hair and collapsed back on his pillow. The sheets fell lower exposing his bare chest. Seth quickly pulled them up to his neck and shivered.

"I suppose it's time to start our lives again." Ben fell back on the pillow and turned to look into Seth's piercing blue eyes. "Why would a guy like you pick a guy like me, I mean other than the - you not being shallow part?"

"Well, you captivated me. You were like this mysterious enigma at first, and then I realized I like to talk to you." Seth slid out of bed and walked to the doorway in only his boxers. "I was thinking, how about this Friday…we have a special night."

Ben knew exactly what Seth meant by this. They had still yet to take the plunge and have sex. Ben pondered the idea for a moment; he knew why they didn't take the plunge and wondered if they could overcome that tiny tribulation on Friday.

"I'm down," Ben mustered up and Seth disappeared down the hall.

***

Ben walked into a small coffee shop not far from his work. He wore his once new, now old jacket. Ben liked this jacket, but knew it would never last and he would have to buy a new one soon. The line moved a step forward and Ben eyed the pastries but knew he shouldn't get one. He finally was getting used to hearing British accents again, now that he was back from America.

"Hey Ben," A familiar gruff voice jolted him.

Ben turned around to face Nathan. He wondered for a moment exactly how big London was. He would always run into people like this, in coffee shops or on the tube. The brunette smiled and looked at Nathan.

"Why hello, I haven't seen you since…" Ben started but was cut off.

"Since that hot night in my flat, yeah…oh wait since the gym. I completely forgot about that." Nathan had a deep laugh and motioned for Ben to look forward. The line moved again.

Ben took a step and turned back around to face Nathan. "Hey, listen. I was really drunk that night…really drunk. Plus, I had this emotional trauma going on. I'm sorry, but I don't really like you."

"Oh," Nathan chuckled. "You don't now, well that's a shame because I fancy you."

Ben was taken aback and tilted his head. "Yeah, but I have a boyfriend, who I really like."

"Ah," Nathan nodded, understanding. Then he threw out one of those gruff laughs of his. "But you don't love him; anyway we can have a little shag now and then. He won't mind." Nathan put his hands on Ben's side and scooted him forward, the line moved up.

Ben didn't like being manhandled. Nathan was such a big man; he had large hands and broad shoulders.

"I mean, Seth wasn't bothered before? Or were you not dating him then." Nathan interrogated.

"I was dating two guys…but that's not the point. I am with Seth now. I like-love Seth now."

"Oh but wasn't it just amazing." Nathan leaned forward whispering into Ben's ear. "Wasn't it amazing when you were bent over and I…" He chuckled again.

"Don't, Seth…" Ben couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He felt so intimidated and frustrated his mouth wouldn't let him speak.

"Does Seth not know," Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Well, I could tell him I shagged you one night. I will see him at work today."

"Don't," Ben said again. He couldn't think of any other words. Ben felt his face turning red and his hands begin to shake.

"You look cute flustered," Nathan reached and grabbed Ben's hand. Nathan's large hand connected with Ben's, steadying it. They walked to the counter together, "This one is on me," He threw down a few pounds.

The barista noticed the two holding hands and smiled. "That's sweet, your boyfriend buys you coffee in the morning." She said taking the money. "What can I get you?"

"Boyfriend, I like the sound of that." Nathan laughed. "I will have…" Nathan stared at the large selection before him.

***

Gwen approached the front desk at the Garden Court Hotel. The big rush from the holidays officially ended and they were back to housing wealthy business men. She traced her hand along the counter top and came to a stop next to Zad. He looked handsome in his hotel uniform. Gwen bit her lip, it had been far too long since she quenched her thirst and the urge was back in full force.

"Good morning," Zad greeted not taking his eyes off the computer screen.

"Good morning," Gwen chirped. "And how are you doing today, trying on new cologne I see."

"Actually, it's my shampoo," Zad laughed and looked up. "Did you ever hear back from that art critic?" Zad stopped his typing to give his full undivided attention to Gwen.

"No, it has been too long though, I think he probably decided against buying my work." Gwen's dejection only consumed her for a moment. She smiled and changed the subject. "I know, I said that we shouldn't…but I haven't in a long time and I am proposing…" Gwen knew this was against her better judgment, it would be a mistake. She also knew that she didn't want to be alone, if Kelly Cummings taught her anything – it was to move on.

"Are you proposing…" A smile appeared on Zad's face.

A second later the two collapsed onto a bed in a spare room. Zad kissed his boss's face then went down to her neck unbuttoning her blouse. Gwen tugged at her lover's sports jacket and pealed it off. Zad straddled her, both of them still clothed but, Gwen felt something forming in Zad's black dress pants.

"Take off your shirt." Gwen practically screamed as the bed began to rock.

Zad did as he was told and lifted up his dress-shirt and exposed a medium build. His dark caramel colored skin enticed the woman. Gwen moved her hands up from his smooth stomach to his chest.

Zad rocked his hips and kissed Gwen passionately.

"This is just sex, remember." Gwen moaned as she pushed her hips up against the soft fabric of Zad's pants. Gwen didn't want to give Zad any wrong ideas about this spontaneous moment.

"Yeah…" Zad kissed Gwen's neck and moved down his pants. He knew that it was simply sex. In a way, for him, he wanted to pretend it was more. Gwen was so beautiful; this was the closest he could get to her. Each kiss he gave only reminded him of what he couldn't truly have.

***

Ben finished filming a scene at his work and took to the side table to grab a doughnut. He felt after this mornings experience he deserved one. Ben craved doughnuts for a while now. Dell came up to his side, shirtless as usual. The writers found any excuse possible to take Dell's shirt off. Ever since the interview when Dell Delany stripped to a Speedo, Ben viewed him as a man-whore.

"Hi Dell," Ben's eye caught a white frosted doughnut and he lifted it up.

"Ben, I am so glad you came to work with us. At first the other actors and I didn't like you, but now we do." Dell informed and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"That's good," Ben rolled his eyes and turned away. He noticed the door to the studio swing open and Colby entered. This was such a surprise to Ben. "Colby," he waved the girl down.

"Hey Ben," Colby came up and hugged her friend. "You didn't call last night, did you stay at Seth's"

"Yeah…but I need to tell you something," Ben began. He gave worried glance in Colby's direction. Ben knew if he had mastered anything in his life, it was looking worried.

"Hey," Dell pushed forward his hand extended. "I'm Dell Delany."

Colby looked from Dell to Ben and decided she should introduce herself. She shook Dell's hand. "I'm Colby,"

"You're quite the fox Colby," Dell had a seductive air about him. "May I ask why you are here?"

Colby blushed at the complement and broke the shake. "I actually came to apologize to Barkley and talk to him about the break up. I felt bad, thought it would be the decent thing to do."

"That's kind of you," Ben replied. "Colby…can we," Ben was cut off once more, this time by his boss.

"Who is that girl? You both know no guests on set. She needs to leave." Felicia Bowl instructed and went to speak to a camera man.

"Okay, Ben we will talk when we get home. I don't want to get either of you in trouble." Colby nodded goodbye and began to leave.

"When will I see you again," Dell shouted after the brunette.

"I work at a scrap booking store, if you can find it…you can see me." Colby challenged.

***

Kylie Porter sat on her bed and looked across the room at the open closet. Her wedding dress hung from a clothe's hanger and was covered in plastic. She closed her eyes and remembered that fateful day Howard left her at the altar. The long black haired girl closed her eyes. She could remember that day in perfect clarity, almost more-so than when she was there in person.

A beautiful stone chapel, polished wooden pews, and white lilies were supposed to set the stage for the rest of her life. The stained glass windows cast down beautiful arrays of color and filled the chapel in a deluge of lights. Her wedding dress shimmered in the light which added to her glow. Kylie heard the shouting and could see all the guests' faces. "Don't touch me, don't touch me you cheating bastard. Get the hell out of my sight. I never want to see you again." Kylie heard her voice, filled with pain. Memories couldn't lie to her. The women blinked open her eyes and stared at the partially open closet at the wedding dress covered in plastic.

""No, now is the part where I need to stand up and walk by myself…" Kylie repeated to herself. She said those same words to Gwen that day. Kylie stood up and opened her closet pulling out a suitcase. She unzipped and filled it with her clothes and belongings.

Seth came to the doorway and spotted Kylie packing. "Kylie, where are you going?" Her roommate entered the room.

"I can't anymore, I can't do it anymore." Kylie replied throwing some more of her designer outfits into the suitcase.

"Kylie, what's wrong, you need to tell me." Seth became frantic now, worried about his friend.

Kylie paused as she looked at a yellow shirt, a gift from Howard. "Everyday I pass the church we were to get married in. I tried going different ways but when I do I see the bench where he proposed. The sandwich shop we ate our lunch in…I decided I am going to take the first plane out of Heathrow." Kylie threw the shirt over her shoulder and began to zip up her suitcase. She walked over to her nightstand and picked up a passport.

"Kylie, you can't do this, this is such a rash decision. I think you should think about it more, I mean, what about your job? You might regret this." Seth tried to reason with his roommate.

"I might regret wasting my life away being sad." Kylie took her suitcase from the bed and began to roll it on the floor as she approached Seth. She put a hand to his cheek and looked him in the eye. "I resigned from my job two weeks ago; I couldn't stand passing the church."

Seth knew he couldn't stop her now or in the future. This was what her heart was set on, she needed to leave. He would miss her but this wouldn't be goodbye, at least he wouldn't let it be.

"Will you keep in touch?" Seth felt her hand drop from his cheek.

"Yes, I will," Kylie walked past Seth and pulled her suitcase down the staircase then waited at the front door. Seth came down a moment later and waited with Kylie. She called a cab and they talked.

The two roommates had a conversation just like any other. The refused to say goodbye for the longest time until the cab pulled up. They both hugged and Kylie disappeared into the cab and never looked back.

***

Ben exited the large building and stepped out into the vast city of London. The sun was setting and he looked up at the clear night sky, there wasn't a single cloud. He closed his eyes and thought of Seth. He knew that Seth would be at his restaurant…with Nathan. Ben needed to tell Colby about that.

A hand slid into his and held on. For a moment Ben's heart jumped, he wanted to open his eyes and see this guy. He wanted to be held by this person and breathe this person in. Ben squeezed back not letting go. Ben felt a tinge of regret and blinked open his eyes. His head was still pointed towards the sky, he twisted it, Nathan.

"Thanks for holding my hand love," Nathan greeted, squeezing the hand tighter.

"What the hell are you doing here," Ben tried to pull his hand out and struggled but eventually broke free.

Nathan gave that chuckle of his and ran one of his hands through his think black hair. "Taking you out on a date, what do you think? We couldn't have such a wonderful night together and just end there."

"No, you need to leave me the hell alone," Ben shouted and started down the street. He heard Nathan come after him and he picked up his pace.

Nathan caught up in only a few seconds. "Oi, hold up, you run away then, from all your problems?"

Ben stopped and spun around. No, he knew better, Nathan was just trying to make him angry. Nathan would come up with any excuse to keep Ben there. He tried to walk forward but there was a large crowd. This was a busy street. Progress would be too long and not enough.

"Running away, that's the pathetic way out, the boy's way out." Nathan taunted.

Ben was flustered and annoyed. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. The brunette glared at Nathan one last time then darted down an empty alleyway to bypass the crowds. Only after he entered the alleyway did he regret it. Ben just knew he was going to get tackled, assaulted, raped, and whatever wonderfully horrific events came with it. He wondered if anyone would find his body or guess it was Nathan. If only he told Colby about Nathan then someone would know, or even Seth.

"Oi wait," Nathan shouted. His gruff voice shook Ben.

"No," Ben shouted over his shoulder and broke into a run. Nathan caught him in a few seconds.

Nathan grabbed Ben's arm again but Ben spun around breaking the grip instantly.

"You're always running," Nathan repeated, "But what were you running from the night you came to me. It must have been pretty bad when you came to me."

"That isn't any of your business…" Ben shouted. He started to back away, still afraid.

Nathan trotted to Ben and wrapped an arm around the man's waist pulling him in. Nathan leaned forward and kissed the brunette. Nathan's kiss was forceful and powerful. His lips pushed back on Ben's and Ben couldn't help but immerse himself in the sensation. In a way he hated himself for giving in; in another way he loved himself for it.

A second of thought and Nathan pulled back and looked at Ben through mysterious eyes. Nathan dropped his arm around Ben's waist and let the man go. Nathan took a step back and rubbed the saliva from his lips with his thumb. He nodded his head and followed with one of his chuckles.

"It was a good night, I wouldn't mind another," Nathan informed. "I can see why Seth talks about you so much, he never said you were such a good kisser."

Anger erupted in Ben and he didn't like this at all. He didn't like being abused or taken advantaged of. It wasn't right.

"You're getting flustered again," Nathan smirked. "You're looking cute again."

"I couldn't decide who to love, I was drunk, and I needed anything to fill that hole. I came to you that night when I had hit rock bottom." Ben tried to chuckle like Nathan. "That's all you are Nathan, you're the lowest I ever get. You don't stand a chance with me." Ben spat out. Ben spun on his heels and found his way back to the street. He knew that Nathan wouldn't follow him.

***

The clock ticked forward and time passed onto the next day. A light fog which blanketed London in the morning disappeared by nine and the sky was only partly cloudy. A dreadful cold filled the streets and morning rush hour came quicker than expected. The day traversed through its normal routines and the Garden Court Hotel served lunch at noon.

Gwen rolled over in the room she took to call hers and Zad's. It was the same one as yesterday and she wondered if this indulgence would become a habit. The Indian boy reached over and grabbed his boxers tugging them on. Next followed his slacks, and then came his dress shirt.

As hotel manager Gwen knew she must return to her duties. The lunch crowd was in and she would have to check on the kitchen staff. Gwen sat up on her elbows and eyed Zad as he buttoned up his shirt.

"I should get back to work," He replied, not talking. Established yesterday, these sessions were just to quench the thirst.

Gwen covered herself with the blanket and pulled on her stockings. "Zad," She smiled at a tacky painting on the wall. "That was just amaze…"

Zad cut her off with a shrug and felt his heart drop. He didn't want to cry, he knew he could hold back the tears. They weren't difficult to hold back, it was the pain inside. The pain that ate away, that was hard.

"Gwen, I can't be with you and not have you." Zad whispered. "I can't, Gwen."

She felt it, the pain in his voice. Gwen knew that this was the truth. What they were doing was wrong on so many levels. Gwen finished with her stockings and slipped on her skit. They both finished getting dressed in silence and Gwen stood up fixing her hair.

"I know…this is wrong," Gwen spoke and she turned to look at Zad slid on his sports jacket. "I know you love me,"

"You've been playing with me, taking advantage so you can get your fix." Zad spun around his voice angry. He wouldn't have his emotions fooled around with.

"No," Gwen walked around the bed and clung to Zad's arm. "You keep me grounded, you keep me here. I need you Zad, I love you Zad." Gwen admitted. "And thank you for being so patient in waiting for me to see what you already knew." Gwen kissed him.

She knew it was time to let her old heartbreak go and open her heart to someone new. It was time to move on. Her pocket vibrated and she dug out her phone. She hated that this moment was interrupted by something as meaningless as a phone call.

"Hello…yes this is she…oh yes," Gwen's eyes brightened. "You want to see the rest of my collection? Of course," Gwen slapped her flip-phone shut and screamed. She grabbed Zad and hugged him. "The critic…the French critic wants to see my collection."

Zad waited until she calmed down and smiled at Gwen. "I am so happy for you," He said and leaned in and kissed her. This kiss, unlike the others, reminded him not of what he didn't have – but what he did.

***

Jap-Tango's lunch crowd never used the dance floor. They instead wanted quick delicious meals with opulence thrown in on the side. The waiters and waitresses bustled about carrying delicate pieces of fish and tiny squares of rice. Seth hated working lunch shifts; there was no art in the food.

Nathan finished a delicate mini soufflé and wiped his hands then walked over to his friend. The burly man leaned against the metallic counter and looked at Seth cut thin slices of white tuna. Nathan was ready to hurt Ben through Seth. He hated the fact that Ben simply used him and wanted revenge. Ben was nothing more than a whore to Nathan, and a whore that his friend Seth was certainly too good for.

"What are your plans? Care to go to the pub, or a bar?" Nathan offered, a smile curving onto his face.

"Actually," Seth laid the thin pieces on rice and took out a bottle of some special sauce. "I have a hot date tonight." Seth slid the plate over to a waitress and looked at the next meal he was supposed to prepare.

"With Ben, I suppose." Nathan teetered back gripping the counter with his hands.

"Yes," Seth chuckled. Nathan was his co-worker; he knew all the Ben drama that took place over the course of this year.

"You finally going to get some?" Nathan questioned. He knew he had to get back to preparing desserts in a minute. His eyes traced Seth's movements with the fish.

Seth looked up confused. He didn't remember telling Nathan that Ben and he didn't have sex yet. "You could say that," Seth placed down the knife and stared across the counter at Nathan.

"Well, have fun, I know I did." Nathan took his cue to leave and returned to his counter to frost mini chocolate strawberry tarts.

"What do you mean by that Nate," Seth came up behind the guy.

Nathan turned around and stared into Seth's piercing blue eyes. The blue wasn't as soothing as it had been in the past.

"I mean, we shagged like rabbits. He is a moaner." Nathan gave his chuckle. "Why didn't you tell me he was such a good kisser? I mean today, we kissed and it was great."

"You're lying," Seth growled. His eyes grew colder and his fist clenched. Seth didn't want to believe this happened.

"No mate," Nathan turned around with a smirk. "I wouldn't forget a night that good."

"Shut the hell up Nate," Seth muttered through grit teeth. He clenched his fist until his knuckles turned white.

Nathan spotted the fist; he didn't want to get fired over this. A fight and verbal taunting wouldn't look good with the owners. Anyway, the damage was done. He gave that whore Ben just what he deserved. "Fine," Nathan returned to his work.

Seth's fist hurt and he returned to his cooking. He wanted to hurt Nathan for the words he said, but moreover he wanted to know if they were true.

***

The streets were calm as the sun set and the rush hour crowds returned home. Colby was ready to close up, Ben was with her and explaining the whole Nathan situation. She fiddled with a business card on the counter next to the cash register. Ben pulled up a metal stool and sat speaking to his friend. The streetlights came on and Colby realized that the store was still open. She needed to close up and head home.

"And…he forced a kiss on me," Ben admitted. "The thing was…I didn't hate it."

"Well, if something like that happens again, I would call the police. This guy could be some sort of crazy stalker." Colby took her keys and dangled them in the air. "Did you like it?"

"What?" Ben furrowed his brow. He knew exactly what Colby said, she eyed him curiously for a moment. "I…didn't…hate…it." Ben slid off the stool.

"Time to go," Colby grabbed her purse from under the counter and the two walked towards the door.

"It was just so librating," Ben continued on about the forbidden kiss. "It was like this whole new…no, actually, it was really familiar. I think that's what I liked, the familiarity of it." Ben opened the door and stepped out onto the street.

"Well, are you going to tell Seth?" Colby closed the door and fumbled with her keys.

"Not unless I have too…oh hey Dell." Ben spotted his co-worker. "What are you?"

"There are," Dell interrupted spotting Colby. "A lot of scrap booking stores in this city, and this one…this one is listed as an antique store. I had to ask around."

"You, found me?" Colby laughed. "You actually found me,"

"And now I get to see you, definitely worth it." Dell replied and slid his hands into his pea coat. "Okay, can I take you on a date – if you don't mind?" Dell questioned.

"Ben? Do you?" Colby turned to her friend. "Will you be alright?"

Ben watched Colby's eye's sparkle, Barkley and Marty, were behind her and she was ready get back in the game. Ben nodded. Colby turned her eyes up to Dell. He held his hand out to the woman. She smiled and reached out grabbing it, the two walked side by side.

The man tilted his head and looked at the two. Ben knew he needed to go talk to Seth, it was Friday. Tonight was their night to have the fun they planned earlier.

***

Ben waited outside Seth's townhouse for Seth to open the door. The man that answered wasn't the usual happy Seth but a more solemn one. Seth walked up the staircase without saying a word. Ben shut the door behind him and followed Seth into the bedroom. He did not like this Seth one bit, he wanted Seth happy, he wanted Seth-Seth….and this was not it.

Seth sat on the bed and looked at Ben with his eyes colder than ever.

"I'm sorry," Ben spat out. "I'm sorry I kissed Nathan, he forced it on me, but I'm sorry."

Seth shook his head and bit his lip. He turned and looked out the window. "That's not what I am mad about."

Ben paused. Nathan's threat rang clear in his mind, with a shrug Ben wanted to reply but couldn't find the proper words.

"You slept with him, before you even…before you even." Seth shook his head. He stood up and clenched his fist. "You slept with him," He enunciated each word to its fullest potential.

"I'm sorry Seth," Ben walked up to Seth and put a hand on the man's cheek. "I am so sorry I hurt you. There is no excuse for what I did, no excuse. But I was in this dark place then. Peter and you were both…and I…I was a wreck Seth. I am…sorry."

Seth gulped and blinked. His anger diminished, he didn't realize that the event happened so long ago. Still, it hurt, but he could recall the night. Ben was acting crazy, since then he got a therapist and Peter left.

"I told Nathan, he means nothing to me because well, you mean…everything to me." Ben removed his hand from Seth's cheek.

Seth gulped and turned to Ben. He leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend. They both kissed and tasted each other's lips then mouths. Their tongues moved around in search of something and Ben nibbled on Seth's lower lip. They both collapsed on the bed in a flourish of kisses. Ben let his hands drift up under Seth's shirt along his firm stomach and to his Pecs. Seth pushed Ben around onto his back and worked with the belt. They were both so eager and willing, a powerful surge of emotion which came from pain, loneliness.

Tugging, Seth pulled Ben's pants down to his knees. This revealed a pair of tight blue boxer briefs and a growing bulge. Ben rolled Seth over onto the bottom and moved to kiss his neck before stopping briefly. He wanted to feel Seth, make sure it was real. The shirt went up to Seth's arm, exposing his muscular chest, Seth lifted his arms up and Ben pulled it off. He returned to kissing and Seth fingered the rim of his shirt. In a moment the shirt was off and Ben tugged Seth's jeans down. They were around his ankles when he kicked them off. A kiss sealed the deal and all that was left were both their undergarments.

Both of the men panted, tired in efforts to get into bed so quickly. Ben straddled Seth, he knew this wouldn't work. Seth was a top, he was a top, and this was where the fun stopped. Unless one of them decided to be submissive, in which case it wouldn't be as fun.

Seth stared at Ben with piercing blue eyes. He held Ben's arms and pulled the man closer to him for a soft passionate kiss. It lasted for a while and broke.

"Kylie left, my best friend left me." Seth blinked back tears. "I was so scared that I would lose you tonight."

In a way, Ben suspected something like this happened. He felt the pain in the kiss; it told all before Seth even uttered a word.

Ben looked down at Seth; this was where the passion came from. "I won't leave…" he got off of Seth's hips and lay beside him. Ben reached forward; his arm brushed against the cool sheets and grabbed Seth's hand. He squeezed it tight. "I won't leave."

"Thank you," Seth replied and leaned in to kiss Ben one last time before they fell asleep in each others arms.

***

The embrace. It's what we need, physically, the thing that no one says but is true to mankind. We all need to be held and cradled, coddled and cared for. From the full on embraces to the small little shakes, it's a small, physical presence that means so much. If you have a small little space to come home too, the tiny space in someone's arms it's all worth it. To know that someone is there and real, that's all anyone needs.

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