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Chapter 20: To the Ends of the Earth

Marco Polo traveled to the ends of the earth to find, what he thought, would be a passage to Asia. He made a mistake and slammed into the Americas. We all are willing to go to the ends of the earth for something we want, something we need. Needless to say, we make mistakes on the route there, we slam into things which feel like countries, we face bad weather, and we encounter…obstacle which must be overcome. But we still truck forward, to the ends of the earth to get what we desire.

***

"Ben you cant do this," Colby shouted, frustrated. She blocked Ben at the doorway and put her hands on objecting hips. "I won't let you do this, not to us."

The apartment grew quiet and morning light yearned to fill the room. It stretched from cracks in the blinds and spread across the carpet. Ben stood stolid, with a large cardboard box in his hand. Inside the box were a few sorted belongings.

"Why now? Why do you want to move out?" Gwen finished her letter to Gail then stood up. Her eyes concentrated on Ben and his box of belongings. Gwen was as confused as Colby and didn't want Ben to leave.

"Guys, you are making too big a deal out of this." Ben explained. "I am only going to be two tube stops away, only two." He held up two fingers with his free hand.

"It's not just about that, what about rent?" Colby pushed her back against the door. Her lip quivered and tears sparkled in her eyes. She truly felt like she was losing her friend, to what? A guy, another guy, she wouldn't have it.

"Colby, you own a scrapbook store, and Gwen is the manager at a four star hotel. You guys can manage money without me. You guys can probably rent a nicer place than this."

"Is that what this is, moving on to bigger and nicer things? Well, I'm sorry Ben, I'm sorry I don't have a dick to keep you here." Colby shouted.

"This isn't just about that." Ben wanted Colby to understand. He knew she was too stubborn and set in her mindset.

"Then what is it about Ben? You're abandoning us for your boyfriend. I understand it, why live with two girls when you can sleep with a super model like Seth, right?" Gwen pointed to the door when she said Seth.

"Kylie left, his best friend left for who knows where. He has this big house and is all alone. Plus his co-worker is a jerk. When it boils down to it I am all he has left. I mean, I want this…I want to be able to stand on my own legs for once. You two are great, but…"

"We won't be here forever," Gwen finished. She nodded, the woman understood Ben, he made a grown up decision – she admired that.

"Fine then," Colby spat out, still angry. She bit her tongue and would suppress her anger at Ben. "But your invited…to a dinner party on Tuesday night."

"Thanks," Ben nodded and left the apartment he called home for so long.

***

Seth's townhouse was huge in comparison to the apartment. Cedar raised panels lined the wall. It was a classic design which along with mundane nautical paintings gave the house a bit of class. Warm colored wooden floors, red wall paper, a white sofa and an ornate coffee table adorned the living room. Ben walked to his room, up the staircase and to the left.

His boyfriend put Kylie's leftover belongings into a small hallway closet. Ben looked at the empty room. A platform bed was adorn with white sheets and yellow curtains fluttered with the open window. Ben breathed in the room and put his box down.

"Okay, looks good right?" Seth put his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"It looks…empty." Ben needed to fill the room with his own objects. Countless reminders of a previous owner lingered: the pinch peppermint perfume, vivid yellow lamps, and the curtains to match.

"Well, I will help you fill it up. If you want to repaint it I can help with that…" Seth added. He walked into the room and turned to Ben. "You don't have to do this. Just because I invited you doesn't mean…"

"I want to do this, for me too Seth," Ben reminded and wrapped his arms around the man. Ben placed a small peck on his lips. A ring made the two more alert that they weren't alone in the world.

Ben pulled away from Seth and checked his phone; it was Colby checking up on him. He walked out of the room and flipped his phone open. Ben chatted with Colby for a few minutes then said his goodbyes and hung up.

"I need to go to work; I will talk to you later." Ben informed and started down the staircase.

"Do you want me to cook anything special for us?" Seth asked. "…for dinner."

"Something, to remember," Ben left the house. It was a big house, and he was nervous about the move. A big step for Ben but he took I in strides and he wanted to take it.

***

Working took the time it should, scenes progressed into episodes and cliff hangers were thrown in for dramatic effect. Ben's character was brought on as the mysterious new guy. The writers dragged the mystery out as long as they could Ben carried the writing well. What got to Ben was the number of times they had to re-shoot scenes. His lines became monotonous and he found himself losing interest in something his character should have been so passionate about.

The day ended and everyone filtered out of the building into the congested masses below. Ben spoke to Dell in the elevator about Colby and how that relationship was going.

"She is just so fun and beautiful. I have been with beautiful girls before, but she…Colby is the whole package. Those girls were dull and couldn't hold a conversation. I mean the bed room was great…but, outside of it was boring. Colby is amazing; she is good in every single category I can think of for a woman." Dell went on in his explanation.

"I am glad you two are…working out." Ben stated. He wanted to get home and sleep, he was tired. The elevator's lights indicated their distance from the lobby.

"Have a nice evening mate," Dell said as the large metal doors slid open.

The other travelers in the elevator exited and so did Dell. Ben froze, his legs were locked. Ben knew that if he tried to move them he would collapse onto the floor into a puddle. Everyone stepped off and hurried out and Ben was left alone.

"Oh hey Peter," Dell waved and continued out through the glass lobby doors.

Peter stood in front of the elevator, suspended in time. His blond hair had grown and fell past his ears. Peter's brown coffee bean eyes sparkled in the poor florescent lights of the elevator.

Ben let out the breath he held in and his knees buckled. He felt himself drop; Peter sprang forward to catch him. The elevator doors slid shut and Ben gained his composure.

Peter planted kiss after kiss on Ben. Ben returned them and the exchange began. Ben was forceful with Peter this time; he pushed the blond against the metal doors and pushed hard onto his lips. This was the feeling he was missing, these were the moments he craved, and Peter was everything.

***

A bakery with a pink neon sign flashed in the night. A sanctuary from the dark the bakery emerged from Ben's dreams. He couldn't recall every detail from it, but everything looked so familiar and comforting. A rainbow flag hung in the window and decadent cupcakes filled a display case.

The table, a white one with comfortable cushioned chairs, could have been covered in powdered sugar. Ben felt his teeth ache imagining all the sweets and baked goods that were sprinkled like chocolate chips in a cookie around the shop.

Ben sat down, still in a daze, and waited for Peter to take his seat. He returned to a cupcake in his hand. White cake with a large spiraled dollop of pink frosting glistened like a candy castle.

"How has your life been?" Ben stared at Peter's smooth skin. "Are you, happy, where you are?"

Peter smiled, a beautiful small smile, not showing any teeth. "Petunia, left for boarding school yesterday." Peter nodded as if he told weeks worth of information. "I have been living with my aunt in Yatton, lots of old people there. The most exciting thing for me was Wednesday nights we would get Indian food from Backwell." Peter let out a single laugh. "I know it might not sound exciting, but when my aunt bites into something spicy she gets this priceless look on her face."

"Stop," Ben gasped, holding back tears. "Stop pretending, like we are exactly how we were…before your father died."

"Okay," Peter nodded, understanding. "How do we get there?" He leaned forward over the cupcake.

"We can't, that ship…that boat…left port long ago." Ben stood up. "I just, don't need it or want it anymore." He looked down at the cupcake and sighed once more. "I'm sorry, but I am with Seth now. You're too late."

***

Ben entered the townhouse and shut the door behind him. A delicious smell wafted from the kitchen. The brunette walked through the dark hallway and blinked his eyes in the harsh kitchen light. Seth stood at the stove and sliced into a steaming piece of chicken.

"Your home a little late?" Seth looked at his watch. "But, just in time for dinner…get seated and I set up a plate. I made roasted garlic chicken, seafood salad, and some tomato soup from scratch."

Ben slid into a wooden chair. He couldn't bear to look at Seth; needless to say he didn't want to.

"You okay," Seth placed a bowl of tomato soup in front of his boyfriend. He returned to the stove to spoon himself some. In a few seconds Seth took a seat next to Ben and tilted his head. "Was everything at work okay?"

"Yeah, work was fine, I'm just tired. Thank you for this dinner,"

"It was made with love," Seth laughed. "Come on; eat up before it gets cold."

The meal went on and small conversations about the day were held. Seth continued to talk about painting Ben's room and they both thought it would be a good idea. Neither of them worked tomorrow so they would get started on it then. The doorbell rang and Ben grew pale. He rose from his seat, fearful of what stood behind the front door.

Seth took the lead and left the kitchen. He returned a few moments later with a pink bakery box. "It has a note," Seth read the paper. "This is yours to keep?" The man lifted the lid and looked. "Huh, a cupcake, weird," Seth tossed it in the bin and returned to his seat. "Any idea who would have left that?"

"Probably, just….some random person, good that you threw it out," Ben lifted his spoon and slurped the tomato soup.

"Yeah, plus I baked coconut cream cake for dessert." Seth replied. Seth never ceased to amaze Ben with his talents in the kitchen.

***

Ben held up a paintbrush and looked at the wall. He needed to cover it in primer before they painted a new coat. Ben wished he could tell Seth about Peter, but doing so wouldn't be a good idea. Not when he just moved into Seth's townhouse. The room didn't even feel like his yet.

"You sure you don't want to come and help pick paints? I mean it is your room?" Seth confirmed. He held the house keys in his hand and eyed Ben and the paintbrush.

"Yes, Positive," Ben gave a short smile as a confirmation. "I trust your judgment, plus I am too indecisive, I want to get this all done before I go to sleep. I think I can do that faster this way." Ben dipped the brush into the primer and started on the closet wall.

"Fine, I will go," Seth left the room and walked to the top of the staircase.

Ben went to the doorway into his room. He watched Seth begin to descend and shouted after him "Be careful, be quick."

"Love you," Seth shouted back. His voice rose up the staircase into Ben's ears. "Bye," With that the door opened. There was a short pause, Seth was waiting for something.

"Bye," Ben said, the words 'I love you,' being more difficult to say under the circumstances. The door shut. Involved with the white colored primer he wasn't sure if the ringing was in his imagination or reality. Ben blinked and stepped back to view his work. The ringing definitely wasn't in his head, it was the doorbell.

Rushing down the steps, Ben arrived at the doorway. He couldn't wait to see what color of paint Seth brought back. "Oh Seth-Peter…what are you doing here?" Ben was taken aback.

"I'm here to talk about how I feel." Peter explained and didn't wait to get invited in. he stepped across the threshold.

"I told you, the time for that has past." Ben reaffirmed and leaned back against the banister. He didn't want to rely fully on his legs given what happened the last time.

"And I heard you, but you think I am really going to stop." Peter gave a warm smile. He was sweet but direct in his tone.

"What do you mean? What…" Ben shook his head.

"I mean, if you love someone," Peter approached Ben and held Ben's shaking hands. "Truly love someone," He leaned in and kissed Ben on the neck. "Would you stop?" Peter pulled back to look into Ben's eyes once more.

"Stop…please, I can't deal with this." Ben broke away and walked into the living room.

Peter followed him. "You can't or you don't want to?"

"I don't want to, I don't want you in my life anymore…" Ben sat down on the white couch and buried his eyes in the palms of his hands. Ben didn't want to give Peter the satisfaction of knowing what a strong emotional grip he had over him.

"But I want you in mine, and I know you love me. You might say you don't, out of anger but, I know in your heart is - has always been - us." Peter walked around the couch and sat down next to Ben.

"Since when have you announced yourself ruler of my life? How do you know how I feel?" Ben threw his hands down. Frustrated at himself for falling in love with Peter in the first place.

"Because I feel the same way, because in Yatton I constantly wanted things to remind me of you." Peter's eyes were teary now to.

"You wouldn't feel guilty about thinking about me." Ben finished. They were both sad and longed for the other for far too long.

"Exactly," Peter kissed Ben again. This one felt sincere and seemed a whole other step from the ones in the elevator.

"Peter…" Ben whispered. Ben wanted to stop but his lips had other ideas.

"What the hell is going on here?" Seth dropped the large metal paint can on the floor. Thunk, it landed on its side and rolled into the living room. Peter and Ben were jolted from their trance.

"Seth," Ben broke out, his voice cracked, too full of guilt to complete anything coherent.

"Get off him" Seth lunged at Peter.

Seth lifted the blond up by the collar of his shirt and flung him to the ground. Peter slammed into the wooden floor more shocked than in pain. He gained his bearings and stumbled to his feet. Seth couldn't take seeing Peter on top of Ben, even if they were fully clothed. The kiss, the kiss was what sent him through the rage. Seth knew it was coming, he knew one day Ben and him wouldn't work out. He just thought, he thought they would have more time together. Peter stumbled to his feet and darted out the front door. He didn't want to get into a serious confrontation with Seth.

"What the hell? How long has this been going on?" Seth shouted.

Ben watched the coldness consume Seth's eyes. "He came back last night…" Ben admitted - no more lies.

"Oh that's why you were late because you were screwing him…I guess that means dinner just had to wait right?" Seth shook his head and walked into the foyer, unable to look at Ben.

"No, I have never had sex with Peter." Ben chased after his boyfriend wanting him to know the truth.

"Right, and you didn't know who that cupcake was from either." Seth didn't look back. He was halfway up the staircase.

"Well…" Ben was interrupted.

"You know what," Seth shouted. "Don't speak, because I don't want to hear words that I know are lies."

***

The apartment already felt like a distant memory. Only a day past since Ben left. His key still worked, he laughed at himself for getting nervous. Ben's heart still thumped, he thought that they might not be there or would have changed the lock.

"Colby, Gwen," Ben shouted into the apartment. It was warm inside; they had turned the heater on.

"Yes, oh forgot something?" Colby walked out from behind the kitchen counter drying her hands.

"Yeah, only myself," Ben replied. He felt miserable and needed to talk to his friends. He could only imagine how Seth felt, and Seth didn't have anyone to talk to.

"What's wrong? Are you homesick, let me bake a pie or something." Colby fussed about the kitchen pulling out tins.

"That's not it…you see Peter came back," Ben informed. Gwen exited her room at the sound of the name.

"Peter…you mean…" Colby placed an empty pie tin on the counter.

"Yes, Peter, like there is another one." Gwen said in her usual Gwen-like way.

"We kissed and Seth caught us." Ben walked to the couch and sat down. "I really messed up guys."

"You were cheating on Seth? Ben that isn't like you," Gwen reprimanded and sat on Ben's left side.

"But…" Ben tried to explain himself. He knew he wouldn't be able to clarify all the feelings he had bottled up inside for so long.

"No, no, I don't even know who you are anymore Ben. The Ben I know would never cheat on someone he loves." Gwen chastised. She had her heart broken by a man who cheated on her. Ben was there, at the wedding, and saw what damage it did. She couldn't believe Ben would do the same thing.

"That's the thing; I don't think I love Seth." Ben burst out. This revelation brought Colby to his right side on the couch.

"You don't think or you don't know. There is a difference," Colby wanted Ben to be certain.

"I…I don't…know." Ben sat on the couch and shook his head. He was happier now, that both his friends were at his sides.

"Then you need to make a decision before you hurt more lives in the process." Colby said. She held Ben's hand and felt the cold from it drift into hers.

"I…already know," Ben looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not going to lie and say I don't because I made this decision long ago." Ben took a deep breath and admitted it to the world. "I choose Peter,"

"Then there you go; now you fix your life…" Gwen patted Ben's knee and stood up.

"I'm just afraid." Ben admitted standing up with Gwen.

"Afraid of what?" Colby tilted her head.

"That I will ruin everything," Ben didn't have much confidence in his voice.

"Well, we are still here…and even if you are a cheater I can't hate you." Gwen moved a curly strand of brown hair away from her eyes.

"Just be Ben and don't worry, I have faith in you." Colby hugged her friend. She wanted to transfer all of her hope into him.

"Okay, thanks." Ben said, still not too attracted by what he had to do.

***

Ben heard the footsteps and the front door to Seth's townhouse swung open. He gulped hard and took all his courage to try and sound as coherent as possible. Ben wanted to give Seth the best answer in the world, lord knew he deserved it.

"Hey, I know I am probably the last person you want to see…" Ben came up with. He bit his lip and looked directly into Seth's blue eyes. The tempest in them seemed to have calmed since their last meeting.

"Come in," Seth forced. It was obvious that the gesture was hard for him.

"I wanted to tell you," Ben stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He glanced in the living room and the paint bucket was still on the floor.

"I know, you picked Peter…" Seth said. He turned away.

"How did you," Ben questioned.

"What? Seeing you two together, I knew…I mean, who wouldn't." Seth sobbed. Seth walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. He still avoided eye contact with Ben. Ben finally realized why, it was because he was crying. When Ben was about to cry he hid his tears from Peter, it was the same thing.

"Seth, I still love you so much, I need you to know that." Ben indicated.

"No you don't." Seth slid into a chair and dropped his hands. The effort was futile now.

"Yes I do, but I think in a different way." Ben sat down in a chair next to Seth, not taking his eyes of his former boyfriend. The relationship, by this point, was over.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean." Seth cursed between sobs.

"It means, when Kylie left I was here and there is nothing that we do better than talk. Friends talk, Seth…you are like my best friend." Ben reported.

"Yeah right," Seth rolled his eyes. He lifted his sleeve and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"No, I am not joking, we are both tops so sex would never really work out for us anyway." Ben reached forward across the cold wooden table and grabbed onto Seth's hand. "When I promised I won't leave, I meant it. I won't walk out on you like Kylie did."

Seth felt the warmth. It was nice to have someone. He wouldn't lie to himself a friendship sounded much better right now than a romance. "Okay, let's try this friend thing. If you say we are such good friends we might as well see how it works." Seth squeezed Ben's hand back.

"Good, I'm glad you understand." Ben nodded. He fixed his posture and broke the grip with Seth.

"Now, I guess the friend thing to say would be go get with Peter." Seth said.

"Thank you for being so understanding." Ben nodded and stood up. He hugged Seth, in a friendly manner, and left.

***

Peter stepped out of a hot shower and steam drifted out from the bathroom. He roomed in the Garden Court Hotel. Treating himself, after all these dramatics was a must. His blond hair combed back Peter tightened the towel and looked at himself in the mirror. A haircut would be needed soon. Beads of hot water dripped off his chest and he walked out of the bathroom.

A knock came from the door and Peter questioned answering it before getting dressed. He decided he always wanted to open the door in a bath towel. Peter pulled back the bolt and opened the door to his room.

"Hey," Ben greeted. He eyed Peter's naked chest and put on a sultry grin.

"I knew you would find me. I am glad you did." Peter pulled Ben into the room and shut the door. He planted a kiss against Ben's tight lips and pulled back. Peter noticed lots of wet marks on Ben's shirt.

"Well, I am all wet now. So this will have to come off." Ben tugged off his shirt. "These will have to go too get dried." Ben pulled down his pants and boxers.

"Come on, let's go get reacquainted." Peter smiled; he dropped his towel and kissed Ben.

They both moved slowly, savoring each moment, each kiss, and each touch. Peter let his hand drift down Ben's side feeling the soft skin underneath his fingertips. The blond sat down on the bed. Peter looked up at Ben with wanting brown eyes. Ben moved his hands through Peter's hair kissing him once more.

"I've waited for this, for so long." Ben whispered. "But, I want to know if you're ready?"

"If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't be naked." Peter joked and kissed Ben once more.

Ben nodded and let his hands drift along Peter's smooth thighs. He felt happiness swell inside him as he pulled Peter's leg's up to his shoulders. His lover fell back onto the sheets and Ben moved forward. He felt it slowly moving. A small euphoria surrounded the two as they entered their own little universe. Ben let out a grunt and bent forward. Peter raised his hands and gripped Ben's back. They pulled towards each other for a sweet kiss. Their lips were sensitive now and their bodies tingled. The kiss sent vibrations vibrating through both of them.

Ben gripped Peter's legs and smiled. He pushed forward, going deeper than before. Slowly, he moved in and out. All the while he massaged Peter's sides and kept his eyes connected with his lovers. The clock ticked down and Ben felt the climax upon him. He worked faster now, eager to reach that point. Peter rocked back and forth with each hip motion. The rhythmic dance between the two continued a little longer until Ben couldn't take it anymore. He wanted this to be perfect and not forsake his partner. He stopped massaging Peter's outer thigh and let his hands slide to the inside. Ben closed his eyes in his own euphoric bliss. The moment was almost upon him. Ben felt his hands grasp onto the hard pulsating being and started to massage it as well.

The climax hit Ben and Peter a few seconds later. They both waited for the vibrations to end and to let the fluids run. Panting Ben stepped back then fell besides Peter on the bed. They smiled at each other and kissed.

"That was…better than I imagined it." Peter announced.

"Same, you know, I am really glad you never gave up on us." Ben reached around his lover and pulled him close.

"No, I'm really glad you never gave up on us." Peter turned the complement around. He kissed Ben again.

"What?" Ben was confused now.

"Well, I did give up and go away, but when I came back you took me in." Peter explained and nodded certifying his explanation.

"You know, I love how you make me seem so amazing," Ben laughed.

"It is quite the challenge," Peter joked.

"Oh," Ben nodded, following along with the joke. "I am glad I have someone to rise to the position then."

***

Ben, Colby, Gwen, Seth, and Peter, all finished a large five course dinner at the flat. Colby finally got that chance to throw the dinner party she always wanted. Seth couldn't get over the fact that Colby was a better cook than he. Colby insisted that their foods were different and hers only seemed better.

"Thanks for dinner Colby it was amazing." Seth stood up from the table to help with the dishes.

"We will have to have more dinner parties now that the first one was so successful." Colby grabbed her plate and a few others then followed Seth to the sink.

"I didn't know you guys got a new table." Ben noticed. He felt the wood beneath his fingers. He had been living with Seth at the townhouse and shared a room with Peter.

"Well, we have gotten a lot of new things since you left…" Colby bragged as she washed dishes.

"Really?" Ben turned around to look at his friend hand Seth a plate to dry.

"No, just the table," Gwen informed and laughed at Colby's attempt to make their lives seem dramatically different.

"It is a very nice table." Peter commented and knocked on the wood.

"Okay, so I understand that Ben is on television tonight." Colby handed the last plate to Seth to dry.

"Yes, his first episode of Hillside, we must watch it." Peter insisted. He always wanted to see his boyfriend on television.

"Well, hurry, turn the television on," Ben looked at the clock. He paused and followed his finger to the television set.

"Oh that's another thing we got new, a television." Gwen remembered. She grabbed the remote and turned it on.

"Shush it's starting" Colby ran from the kitchen, dishes washed, and jumped onto the couch.

"Ben, hurry, give us a synopsis of what's going on, I have never watched this show." Gwen instructed. She sat on the couch too.

"Okay, so this girl Alyssa is hosting this fashion show to raise money for orphans. She just broke up with her boyfriend Leon, that's Dell's character…then oh watch my person's name is Robbie." Ben tried to explain and sat down. Peter and Seth stood behind the couch and kept their eyes on the television screen.

"What are you doing here?" The woman on the television said. She was far too old to play the age she was supposed to be.

"I am helping the orphans, you just looked so distressed I…" Ben's character Robbie began but was interrupted by the girl.

"You know what? Thanks for volunteering but I don't need your charity." The girl retorted, annoyed at Ben/Robbie's presence.

"Fine, but you do need to Get a Life." Ben/Robbie shouted at the girl.

***

We want, what we want, most of the time people don't get it. There are problems, mistakes, and a whole lot of other annoying things that get in our way. Still, there is that slim chance, that against all odds- all possibilities, we get it. For me, it was a life, a career, a new place to live, and a boyfriend. It takes time, to adjust and find exactly what you want, but it's possible. Heck, if I could do it, anyone can.

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