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Chapter 11 – Worst Case Scenario

Throughout life, there are the good times, the bad times, and the times that we just can't handle. The good times are gifts and the bad times are challenges. Then we get to the times we just can't handle. Those are the times when fear reigns strong and we have two choices, fight or flight.

***

Ben exited the elevator with Gwen and Colby close behind him. He frowned and swept a hand through his unkempt hair. He needed a haircut. His hair became the longest he ever knew it to be. Ben shrugged and turned to face his friends who trailed behind him.

"You guys think I am a wreck don't you." Ben blurted out. "You guys are judging me, with your eyes, I see them. I see your eyes."

"We aren't judging you, we are just concerned." Colby said.

"Oh god, you sound like my mother," Ben muttered.

"Oh god, you sound like Ben's mother," Gwen agreed and turned to Colby.

"Great, he is the crazy one Gwen, remember we discussed this." Colby pointed at Ben then at Gwen. "Now you guys are making it seem like I am this old maid."

"This is my mother we are talking about," Ben said and turned to keep walking.

"Okay let's move past the fact that Ben is crazy and Colby is Ben's mother. Ben, we are glad you got tested. I mean, you had unprotected sex so you might have…" Gwen followed Ben around the corner and paused staring wide eyes at the connecting hallway.

Colby turned around the corner and spotted it. A petite woman, short black hair, too much jewelry, make up, and a vast amount of purple cashmere. She stood at their apartment door with suitcases and held her rosary in prayer. In a moment, the woman turned as if sensing the presence she waited for. Her eyes widened.

"Benny," The woman cried and threw her arms into the air. "Why do you look like that? Why is your hair so long? Why are you so skinny? I am not judging I am just concerned? Oh Benny, I came to visit isn't this just a great surprise."

"Of course mom, I am so happy you came." Ben said.

"Natalie Howe, Mrs. Howe, what a pleasant surprise. You should have told me you were coming," Gwen smiled.

"Oh Gwendolyn, I didn't want to be a bother and cause fuss. Gwendolyn, come give me a hug." Natalie Howe, Ben's mother, insisted and grabbed Gwen.

"Hi Ben's mom," Colby said in a cheery tone.

"Colby," Mrs. Howe stated with a nod acknowledging Colby's presence. "Well, let's go inside I want to see where my Benny has been living. I mean the outside isn't that spectacular but I am sure…"

Colby opened the apartment door.

"…I am sure I can fix up the inside." Mrs. Howe frowned.

***

"Mom, you didn't have to sleep on the couch, Gwen could have put you up in a hotel or something." Ben stated, trying to get his mother out of his apartment. She had been there one night and already the situation went from code yellow to code orange.

"No, I came to England to be with my son, not be in some fancy smancy hotel. Your father and I are worried about you and your life."

"I call you guys once a week." Ben pointed out.

"Marty Griffon calls his parents twice and you know when Suzy Griffon comes over she always says how her son got the scholarship and is a fancy smancy business man."

"Marty Griffon, whatever happened to him since high school?" Colby asked. She exited the bathroom ready for work.

"Don't go into it," Ben moaned walking past her.

"Oh Marty Griffon is just great, the nicest little boy," Natalie nodded and walked over to the kitchen. "How about I make everyone breakfast and we all sit down and eat it together."

"That sounds like a marvelous idea Natalie, I am sorry but I do have work today, we all do." Gwen informed.

"Oh, I didn't know," Natalie said surprised. "I guess I will just keep myself busy cleaning. Lord knows there is enough of that to do."

"I usually clean twice a week Natalie," Colby stated.

"Well, it's a good attempt," Natalie patted Colby on the back.

"What the," Colby began but Gwen grabbed her arm and waved goodbye to Mrs. Howe. They sped out the front door.

Ben came out of the bathroom and noticed his mother already at work cleaning the kitchen area. "Mom, want to come to work with me." He said, remembering the earlier statement about Marty.

"I would love to," Natalie replied. "Let me just fix up, I think we should go get you a haircut today as well. Walking around the neighborhood I found this nice place."

"You walked around the neighborhood…you mean London."

"Yes, I explored a little bit before I came to the apartment yesterday." Natalie noted.

***

Ben went with his mother, of course, to the BBC building. He went up with his mom and found his assignment with the secretary.

"What a big building, are you sure you know where you are going Benny?" The mom said as she followed her son.

"Yes, I know where I am going mom," Ben said with aggravation in his voice. He realized that if he saw Peter today he would need to talk about what happened. It would happen. Of course, it would happen. Peter came around the corner and smiled. Just on cue.

"Ben, are you all right?" Peter asked.

"Why wouldn't you be alright?" Natalie grabbed her son's arm in a panic.

"I'm fine," Ben nodded calmly to Peter. "Peter, this is my mom,"

Peter turned to the woman covered in lime green cashmere. He held out his hand and they shared a shake

"She came for a visit, a surprise visit." Ben looked down at his shoes not wanting to look at anything but his feet.

"Don't sound so disappointed. Peter, I am so glad I finally get to meet one of Benny's friends. You look very responsible and do I detect a British accent. I bet you are very successful."

"Actually, Ben and I have the same job." Peter noted.

"Do you? My Ben, as successful as you? I couldn't imagine? Where do you live?"

"Oh a nice house just outside central London," Peter answered staring down at the small woman.

"Oh a house, you know who else has a house Ben, Marty Griffon. Ben lives in an apartment." Natalie whispered leaning forward.

Ben mouthed the name Marty as his mother said it. He needed her away from him, even if it was just for a little while. She had a way of pushing all the right buttons. "Mom, why don't you go to the cafeteria and get us all some breakfast."

"But I don't know where the cafeteria is?" Natalie questioned her voice rose in question.

"Okay, I'll go. I'll go and pick out the strawberry pastry with the white frosting on top, because I love the strawberry pastry with the white frosting on top." Ben said exasperated.

"You don't need the pastry Ben," Natalie eyed his stomach. "Fine, the mother will do it, I always take care of my boy." She smiled at Peter and turned back down the hallway they came.

Peter glanced at Ben as she disappeared and pursed his lips in thought.

"Let me guess, you don't want to talk about it." Peter said.

"I do, actually, I want to talk about it. I want to talk about how my mom has come back into my life, at the worst possible point." Ben sighed.

"I see, this point is the worst because…" Peter needed to hear more of the story.

"It's the worst because I have two guys after me and all I can think of is not the two amazing guys but the drunken mistake I made." Ben rolled his eyes and walked towards the editing room.

"What? A drunken mistake? Did Seth and I make you mad?" Peter mentioned. "We don't want to make you mad. He and I talked about it and we both, we are going to keep trying but back off a bit. Are you okay though? You didn't seem all that…okay…when you left that night."

"I wasn't okay, I'm still not okay, but I am trying to be an adult and deal with it now. I am using every ounce of my body to not run, to face these problems head on, one at a time." Ben opened the door into the editing room and ducked inside.

"You do seem more confident." Peter added sliding into the room after Ben.

"Yeah, well, just so you know, my mom doesn't know I am gay, so don't tell her."

"She doesn't know?" Peter furrowed his brow. "Why don't you tell her?"

"Because I don't want to," Ben said trying to avoid the topic.

"Why?" Peter questioned, "I mean, she is your mother,"

"Why does your father not know that you're gay?" Ben turned the topic around.

"What?" Peter said taken aback.

"That night, when we went on our date, he was clueless. You said I was your friend from work. Yeah, he isn't well, but don't you think you should tell him." Ben said his eyebrows rose trying to make a point.

"Great, we are here, successful," Peter stressed that word, "business men and we can't find our way out of the closet to our parents."

"Welcome to closet county," Ben frowned as he began to edit some footage.

***

"I don't want to go in there with that monster," Colby complained in the hallway.

"Please, she is like you," Gwen replied. "She is just like you."

"I am nothing like that woman." Colby argued. "You - you are just such a suck up to that woman, she loves you."

"No, she likes me, she loves Marty Griffon." Gwen laughed as she dug her keys out of her pocket.

"What ever happened to him? I mean, in high school he was a jock right? He slept with that one girl? Right?" Colby asked as the door opened.

"Marty is like the messiah in Mrs. Howe's eyes, don't go saying things like that in front of her." Gwen rolled her eyes

The door opened and Ben stepped out into the hallway pushing his friends back and shutting the door behind him. Ben's hair was cut in a clean short Caesar type haircut.

"You can't make me stay, she made me get a haircut, she came to my work, and she is cleaning." Ben begged.

"You two are wimps." Gwen shoved Ben out of the way and opened the door walking inside. "Mrs. Howe, how was your day?"

"It was alright," She stacked some of the DVD's neatly in an empty drawer and organizing them in alphabetical order. "Ben, I was thinking this Sunday, Westminster Abby is a Roman Catholic church so we could go there."

"Mom, I haven't been to church since I left for college."

"I know, so your father and I were thinking to get you back in the habit. When you find the right girl…we want your kids raised Catholic. Have you been dating here?"

"Yeah," Ben lied not thinking before he spoke. "She was fantastic, we went on…dates and…talked…"

"Oh, but not the one, that's why you ended it right?" Natalie stood up and walked to the kitchen to observe her work.

"Yes, that's why," Ben replied and heard Colby let out a chuckle in the background.

"What was her name?" Natalie Howe questioned as she went around the room making final critiques and adjusting some objects.

Ben glanced around the room and noticed the calendar, the day Wednesday popped out. "Wednesday, her name was Wednesday."

"What a beautiful name and her last," Natalie stopped looking Ben in the eye she rubbed a cross strung around her neck with a silver chain.

"Her last name? He looked at the cross. "Wednesday Jesus,"

Colby turned around and left, her laughter could be heard echoing in the hallway.

"Oh that Wednesday Jesus, she was beautiful but kind of giggly, one of those girl's who can't take things seriously." Gwen said helping Ben in his lie.

"Oh like Colby," Natalie whispered to the two as the door opened and Colby entered again.

"What are you three talking about?" Colby said her laughter dieing out.

"It's rude to pry dear, I'm sure your mother told you that." Natalie scolded. "Why don't we all go out to dinner?"

***

Natalie burst through the door into the apartment her stomach full and her mouth open. They went out for a large dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. Gwen, Colby, and Ben, followed obediently.

"I do like your new haircut Ben." Colby admitted as she crashed on the couch.

"Yes, thank you for dinner Mrs. Howe," Gwen stated with a smile and sat down next to Colby.

"Oh you're welcome. I'm sorry it had to be ruined though." Natalie frowned.

"What do you mean?" Ben questioned walking up to his mother. "It was fine."

"You mean you didn't notice?" Natalie looked down at the two girls on the couch. "Those two homosexuals at the table next to us were holding hands, disgusting."

"Mother," Ben said his voice dragged on. "Don't say that,"

"Ben, don't defend them." Natalie said. "I am going to start cleaning. This place is still a mess," She looked around the spotless room.

"Mom, don't, please don't" Ben bit his tongue and held back his anger.

Natalie disappeared into Ben's room for a few minutes. She walked out and held a vibrator. Ben followed embarrassed.

"What the hell is this?" She said storming out.

"Nothing," Ben shouted embarrassed. He thought he lost that.

"Nothing, it looks like a penis." Natalie shouted. "Benny…"

"Mrs. Howe, it is nothing of a sort." Gwen was a fast thinker. "You are confused and I understand your confusion, but it is a back massager."

"Oh," She held it, observing the object. "That makes sense, it does." She pressed a button and felt the stick shake. "Ben, could you massage my back with it?"

Ben looked at his friend's who stared at him wide eyed. Colby gaped and stood up. "Okay, you might hate me for this now, but this needs to come out. That is a vibrator Mrs. Howe." Colby pointed out.

"A what, Colby are you making things up" She questioned. To a bystander it might have appeared that Mrs. Howe was faking, a grown woman not knowing what a vibrator was? Mrs. Howe was raised a staunch Catholic and for the kids who grew up around her and her household, it was understandable.

"It's a sex toy," Colby explained.

"Oh god," She dropped it and crossed herself. She backed away from the item on the floor and knocked into a cabinet. It squeaked open and she noticed some empty wine bottles rolls out. "Oh god," She turned and looked at Colby. "Oh god, will someone please explain this to me."

Gwen turned to Colby. "You started it,"

"Sorry Ben," Colby looked at Mrs. Howe and spoke. "Your son, Ben, is gay and we have been drinking a lot because…because he has had some guy troubles."

"Ben, is this true?" Natalie walked up to her son; although, she stood shorter than him she made him feel small and insignificant.

"Yes mom, it's true, I'm gay." Ben admitted standing as tall as he could.

"I think this is a phase and you are just confused." Natalie urged holding onto her son's arms.

"No mom, it's not." Ben replied. "If I am sure about anything, it is this."

"How can you be sure, how can you? Your father and I only want the best for you and if you are gay that won't happen. Listen to me Ben, if you go down that road, a road your father and I can't follow. I just…I just can't see love down that road and I am worried for you Ben." Natalie spat out her voice panicked.

"Mom," Ben hugged his mom. "I don't think that is true and I know there is love there, I feel it sometimes, it just hides."

She stood still for a moment than panicked and pushed back her son slapping him across the face. Her ring encrusted hands made tiny marks on his cheek. "You don't know how to love. I thought we raised a good boy, not some horrible fag."

Ben took a step back and looked at his mom who was red faced. He turned and walked fast into his room shutting the door. He couldn't even look at the woman anymore.

"Ben, we need to talk, I need to take you out of here." Natalie said a moment later rushing to the door.

"No, you don't get to go in there," Colby said stepping in front of the mom.

"I am his mother," She argued.

"Well, you aren't acting motherly; you need to get out of our home now." Colby shouted.

"It's time to go, Natalie." Gwen stated looking at Ben's mother.

Natalie grabbed her suitcase and purse then left in a flutter and whirl of cashmere. Her strong perfume lingered in the living room as a memory of the night events.

***

The following day, Ben, Colby, and Gwen sat in a small park on a bench. They were huddled together under a tree as a light mist came down.

"Well, I tested negative for everything and I am out to my mother, that's a step in the right direction." Ben stated.

"I'm sorry about your mom," Colby said.

"It's not your fault. I tried. We tried. If she doesn't want to accept me, that's her loss. I am finally beginning to put my life together. I will put my life together." Ben said with the most confidence he had in a long time.

"What about, Peter and Seth?" Gwen interjected. She was curious how they were working out.

"Peter and Seth are dealing with it. I am dealing with things now and it will take time, but I will figure it out." Ben

"You are dealing with things now, that's…good." Colby smiled and looked at someone walk by.

"I feel good," Ben stated.

***

Worst case scenario, my mom hates me. Okay, so it happened, I chose flight but I didn't stay there. I ran, I dealt, and I got over it. Yeah, the unexpected hurts and it's the stuff that you're not really supposed to deal with. I ran, I didn't deal with it. It turns out the flight method works pretty damn well.

***

AUTHOR ANALYSIS

Okay, quick point, notice how Ben's mother keeps cleaning as if she is sweeping her problems away. She is in such delusion of her son and tries to shape his life into something he doesn't really want. Okay, remember how way back when I said Peter was food: cupcake, cookies, pie and etc. I hope you people realized when Ben was at work, with Peter and his mother, he said he would get the pastry and his mother said he didn't need it. Yeah, a big metaphor for the whole pastry being "Peter" and his mother controlling his life and saying "No," There are a few more small things but I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and let you guys get out of it what you want.

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