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|chapter fourteen: tape thirteen|

I'd been sitting on this bench for God knows how long just watching the world roll by. My phone said one in the morning but to be honest, it felt more like four considering how tired I was. But I was determined to finish the tapes before I passed out. I placed my bag at the end of the bench and lay down, resting my head on it.

So this is it... My last tape. Wow, in a couple of minutes I'm gonna do it. I'm actually going to kill myself. And I'm going to succeed. You see, I've had many unknown attempts at suicide and this is one thing I tell the final person. I recorded the entire incident so you could listen.

This, is my conversation with Mr Vanova the school counsellor.

I shifted into a more comfortable position whilst trying to calm my whirling mind. Mr Vanova? What could he have possibly done to have to drag these wretched tapes all the way to hell?

-knock, knock-

"Come in. Ah, hello Louis."

"Hi."

-footsteps and a door closing-

"What can I help you with?"

"I just need to talk for a while, get some things off my chest."

-a sigh heard, chair scrapes back, footsteps, Mr Vanova's voice sounds closer-

"Ok, you can tell me anything, Louis."

"Right so, I'm just gonna jump right in. For a while now I've been horribly... bullied you could say and it's made me really upset. I don't remember how or when it started but all I know is that I don't remember a time where I was properly happy.

Recently, my family found out some information that has caused them not to love me anymore and that information was given to them by a close family member that found it out against my will. So basically, I have nowhere else to turn.

All of the shit I've dealt with in my life has caused me to... caused me to... attempt suicide more than once. And lately, I've been wanting to do it again.

I'd love to tell you more but first I need to know that I have your full support because I'm tired of trusting people that are just gonna hurt me."

-silence-

"Mr Vanova?"

-throat cleared-

"Louis, have you ever thought that maybe you're taking this all the wrong way? I mean, all that family member did was tell your family something that must have been bad enough to cause their love for you to vanish. I can't help but believe that you're just overreacting with this whole situation and should really rethink your suicidal thoughts."

"Excuse me?"

"Just maybe it isn't as bad as-"

"I came here for help!"

"I know that, Louis-"

"I wanted you to help me! Make me feel better not worse!"

"Loui-"

"How could you say that to not only a suicidal teenager but to anyone at all? I thought you were supposed to help and understand people!"

"Louis, all I'm saying is that your actions are unreasonable and shouldn't continue."

"I can't believe this."

-abrupt movement and shuffling-

"Louis, I'm sorry."

-door opening, footsteps-

"Louis!"

-heavy breathing, heavy footsteps, appears to be running-

"Louis get back here!"

-out of breath, voice close most likely right next to microphone-

"Thanks so much, Mr Vanova. I counted on you, I wanted you to help me. You were my last hope.

And you failed."

The last thing I remembered was the sinking of my heart and my eyes closing before I fell asleep.

*

My back ached, my neck hurt and the rain hitting my face was the most annoying thing I'd ever experienced so early in the morning. My headphones had tangled up in my hair from my sleep and gotten wet from drool. Overall, not the best sleep I've had.

I'd just finished sending the tapes to the next person and was on my way home when I felt something in my pocket. I brought out another tape and cursed at myself for forgetting to put this tape with the rest. However, something seemed different about this one. There was no label saying which one it was but there was one saying... my name. I slapped my forehead at my stupidity for not remembering about this tape. I didn't waste any time in grabbing the Walkman and shoving the tape in along with my headphones.

Hello, love.

How have you been? If you're listening to this then it means that you've finished all of the other tapes and that also means that there's now only one secret I've kept from you. Not for long though. Actually, I'm gonna confess now.

Harry, I'm not dead.

THIS STORY IS NOT FINISHED THERE IS STILL AN EPILOGUE.

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