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The bell rang, sending me to lunch. I was a ball nerves as I walked down the halls. I was so nervous because next block I was going be around Adam. Don't be stupid, Spencer. Act natural. No need to cause any suspicion.

"Hey." Casey said, coming up to me. She still looked a little angry because of last night but at least she was speaking to me now.

"Hi." I said, distantly. We walked down the hall in an awkward silence. Neither of us wanted to bring up last night. Feeling guilty, I took her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. She smiled, looking less pissed. "How was your day?" Her guard was down now and words flooded out of her mouth. I faded away, only nodding and smiling at the right moments. In the cafeteria, we sat with Adam, Mark, Maggie, and Carla. I sat in between Adam and Casey.

"Hey." Adam said as I sat down.

"Hey." I said, smiling. I didn't really care to talk to Carla, Mark or Maggie. They were Casey's friends. I turned away from all them and started taking about cars with Adam. It was hard to focus on Casey when Adam was around. Although being around Adam Gabe me butterflies in my stomach, talking to him was natural. Talking to him made me feel much better than talking with Casey. After the bell rang. I left for gym with Adam, leaving Casey behind without a goodbye. Guilt tugged at me but my desire to be with only Adam right pulled harder. I'll take the blow for that later. Maybe I would get lucky and she would break up with me. If only, I thought. We got into the locker room. We were the only ones in there. My palms started to get sweaty as my mind started to imagine scenarios involving Adam and I in compromising positions. 

"Adam." I said, making him turn towards me. He grabbed my face and kissed me. Surprised, I kept my eyes opened for a few seconds but then they slowly closed. He was kissing me! It wasn't as great as I imagined but much better than kissing girls. There was no spark. It was great and sexy but not love. I was okay with that though. I felt alive for the first time in my life. I crushed my lips against mine and bit his lip. I could tell he liked it by the way he pulled my hair. Then suddenly he threw me off of him and yelled,

"Get the hell off of me, you pervert!" I fell to the ground, hurt and confused that he would say that. I saw all the guys from our class standing at the doorway. Then I understood why he said that. Fear gripped my chest. I could hear voices but no words reached my ears. How could he do that to me? He started it. I understood the hell we would have gotten but we would have gotten through it together. I tried to get up and run away, feeling the fear spread into every inch of me but Kevin, one of the linebackers held me against a locker. I felt the fist of multiple guys hit me. I heard all the words that came from them now. They were calling me a weirdo, pervert, queer, and fag. These guys were all my friends. We had grown up together, gone through our whole lives together. How could they attack me like this? Adam just sat there and watched. His eyes screamed at me with disgust. I just didn't understand.

"Come on, take a swing at him." Kevin said to Adam. I didn't think he would do it. He wouldn't stoop that low. How wrong was I. His fist slammed into my face. I grunted in pain. That was the worst blow I had received so far. I didn't know if it was because of the force behind his fist or if it was because it was Adam punching me. I felt his and others fist punch all over my old bruises. The familiar metallic filled my mouth and blood poured out. I tried to fight back so I could escape but Kevin was using every fiber of his being to hold me down. I didn't try and plead my way out of this. I just accepted my fate, hoping it would end soon.

"What the hell is going on here?" Coach Martin yelled, coming into the locker room. Everyone swarmed away, leaving me collapsed on the cold, dirty floor.

"This queer kissed Adam." some guy finally said.

"Is this true?" Coach Martin asked, his beady eyes burning. It all depended on what Adam said what my fate would be.

"Yes." Adam said, signing away my fate. I wasn't going to last long around here anymore.

"Come with me." Coach Martin said, grabbing me by the shoulder. He dragged me all the way down to the dean's office, disgust burning through him. I could feel the disgust he had for

me rolling off of him. Dread filled me with each step I took. I knew they were going to call my dad. I also knew my dad's views on gay people and I was going straight into hell when I got home, well even further than what it already was. Coach Martin knocked on the door. It opened like in a horror movie. Everybody looked at my bloody face and clothes. Shame deepened within me. I hated myself so much right now.

"What happened?" Dean Haynes asked. I put my head down so I wouldn't have to look as his cold grey eyes.

"He kissed one of the boys in the locker room." Coach Martin whispered, half uncomfortable, half disgusted. He said it like if he said much louder that he would be gay himself. I felt disgusting. I wished I could crawl in a hole and die. The next hour made that wish turn into a prayer. My whole body was pulsing with pain as He went on telling me how disgusting I was (I already knew how much I was. I didn't need him to tell me) and that I was going to hell because I was attracted to men.

"Did you go to church every Sunday?" Dean Haynes asked me.

"Yes, sir." I mumbled, ashamed.

"How did the church not save you from your deviants?" He asked. Deviants? I wasn't evil nor had anything evil running through me. I was just fucked up. I didn't know if the church could save me anyways. I prayed every night and every Sunday but life still stayed the same. That fueled the rest of the conversation. I blanked out of his harsh words and stared at the room, finding anything to focus on to distract me from the pain. The brick walls were painted an off white. No windows let any light, making the room feel similar to a jail cell. Dean Haynes's certificates, that he somehow earned, hung on the walls. A fake plant was in the corner of the room back behind Dean Haynes's oak desk. Then six words came out of his mouth that snapped me right back into the conversation.

"I'm going to call your dad?" He said, picking up the phone.

"Please don't." I begged as he dialed my dad's number. The cold, icy fear stabbed my chest again. I frantically begged him not to. He justed ignored me and continued dialing the number. I could hear my dad screaming about what he was going to do to me when he got home. Dean Haynes agreed with everything he said. I was in so pain much from last night and earlier. I didn't think I could handle it again tonight. I buried my face in my hands until I lost it and ran out of his office. I kept running even as Dean Haynes yelled for me to come back. I didn't stop running even as I escaped that dreadful building. I had to leave this town. I couldn't stay here anymore. It wasn't safe here. At home Dad promised to beat me every night until I wasn't gay anymore. At school I was going to get harassed by everybody like today. I didn't know if I could survive the next two years like this. I didn't know if another person would kill me or if I would do it myself. So I had to go. I didn't know where I was going to go or how I was going to get there. Maybe I would find my mom's family. I could hitch hike the whole way there and do odd jobs to pay for food. There I could finish high school and go on to college. This time I would stay completely in the closet. I learned my lesson. I would come out at college but not until then. That was the best I could come up with. Yeah I could do that, I told myself. I turned down my street and breathed a sigh of relief. Only Mom was home. No doubt that she knew I was gay but she wouldn't stop me, let alone hurt me. She was the only one in this town that wouldn't lay a finger on me at this moment. I ran up to the house and stopped for a moment. This was the last time I would ever see this house again. It looked completely different since I left this morning. It looked more somber now, like it knew I was leaving. I needed to stop looking around and start packing up. I needed to be well on my way before Dad got home. I went inside. Mom was sitting in Dad's recliner with her hands in her unusually messy hair. Sobs rippled through her body. She looked up as I shut the door behind me. Tears stained her rosy cheeks and glistened her eyes. She looked like she had aged ten years since this morning.

"Spencer, is it true?" Mom asked, quietly.

"Mom, I'm so sorry." I said, going over to her and kneeling beside her. Tears threatened to spill but I told myself I had to be strong. She sat there and cried for a few minutes. "I have to leave. I can't stay any longer." I told her. She nodded, knowing the sad truth.

"Spencer, I wish you didn't have to go." Mom said, sadly. She held my face in her shaky hands.

"Then leave him." I urged her. All he did was abuse us. We didn't need him. We could move far away and both get a job, a fresh start.

"Your father is a good man and I need him." Mom said. Hurt and anger overwhelmed me.

"A good man?" I yelled, releasing my hurt and anger. "Do you not care what he has done to me, your only son? He isn't a good man. Good men don't abuse their children." I was standing up now.

"Spencer, don't be angry." She whispered, softly.

"Mom, you were supposed to protect me but you didn't .You just let him do it." I yelled. My silence broke into those words. I knew they hurt her but I was so much more hurt. I needed her to feel a fraction of the pain I felt.

"I'm sorry." She yelled, crying. I kneeled back down, becoming silent. I had never heard her voice that loud before. She grew silent too. After a few minutes of unbearable silence, I got up to say goodbye but Mom spoke before I could. "I two hundred dollars in case you ever had to leave. I know it's not much but I'm finally protecting you. Your grandparent's address is on the back,". She pulled out a white envelope out of her purse and held it out. I just stood there speechless. "Please take it."

"Thank you." I said, taking it. I hugged her. "I love you."

"I love you too, Spencer." Mom said. We let go. I went to my room and flew into ultra-speed mode. First, I found an empty bag and packed enough clothes last a week. I stuffed all the money in my wallet. My bag held all my prized possessions: my money, a pocket knife, and my baseball glove. The pocket knife I hoped I wouldn't have to use but right now my future was unknown. The baseball glove I hoped I would be able to use once I found my mom's family. Everything else stayed where it was even the porn. It might give my dad a heart attack if he found it. That made me smile a little. I took one last look at my room, my hideout from hell and then left. I jumped out my window and landed with a soft thud. I wished I could go back and say goodbye to my mom again but I couldn't bring myself to it. Dad's truck roared into the driveway. There was no way in hell he got off work early so that he could get a head start. His light blue eyes stabbed right through me.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Dad asked, gruffly. He rode up on to me. I pushed him off of me and kept walking away. He didn't own me anymore. "You fag get over here." He yelled but I kept on walking. This was the first time in my life, I dared to ignore my father. Then I felt a pair of familiar, greased rough hands grab me and slam into his truck. I received five punches. Three to my ribs and two to my face. Blood flowed from my mouth again. I was used to the metallic taste but I could never grow accustomed to the total loss of breath. I fell to the ground, gasping for air.

"If I see you around here again, you're dead." He warned, kicking me and walking away. Luckily my hands covered my face before his boot connected. My hands were ringing with pain. It wasn't broken just jammed. Knowing it was safe, I uncovered my face. In the window something caught my eye. It was my mom. She was crying, covering her face. I knew she saw everything but she didn't even try to stop it. All she could do was sit there and cry. Part of me felt angry towards her but I just got up and walked away. It was the most proper goodbye I could ever get from either of my parents. Part of me knew that it wasn't the final goodbye for my mom. I was going to come around after Dad died. Maybe by then I would have a family of my own. Something for her to be proud of. I hoped I would.

Walking out of town was hard. Everybody I walked past knew somehow that I was gay. I could tell by their stares and what they said as I walked past. The friendly faces I had seen all my life were suddenly unfriendly and threatening.

"Filth." Mr. Jones, Adam's father said to me as I walked past him.

"Deviant." Mrs. Robinson said, my old babysitter.

Everybody I had ever known rejected me. Just because of whom I loved. I was still the same person as before. Well if you asked my dad, I was a disgraceful excuse for a human being to begin with. This was everything I knew and now it was pulled out from underneath me. I grew up here. Everyone knew me here. Maybe this was for the best. I was leaving the ignorance of this town and embracing... I didn't know what I was embracing and that scared the hell out of me. My whole life was this town and church. I didn't know anything but that. But I had to go, I kept telling myself. That statement led me out of town.

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