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Spencer's P.O.V.

“Please, can I have a moment?” I said, finally able to stop crying. They all nodded. Billy gave my hand a light squeeze and tried to walk away. “No, Billy. Please stay.” I knew I must have looked like a pitiful mess to him with me on my knees, looking up at him with my tear stained face. He nodded and knelt down next to me.

“Spencer, we are going to go to Mrs. White’s and then to the hotel.” Grandpa said, gruffly. I nodded and then placed my head on Billy’s broad shoulder. I heard their footsteps walk away and it was just us.

“This isn’t how I imagined it would be.”

“Imagine what?” Billy asked, wrapping his arms around me.

“Meeting my mom.” I whispered. I heard a soft ‘oh’ release from him.

“Love, I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I wish I could have met her.”

“Me too.” I said, sadly. “She would have liked you.”

“What was she like?” Billy asked.

“She was nice and caring. Cooked like Grandma.” I said with a slight smile.

“I like her already.” His joking smile made my heart ache even more. My smile was weakly planted on my face. “Tell me more.” For about an hour, I told Billy about my mother. I diverged memories that I thought were long gone. They were mainly happy memories when I was younger. I didn’t have many happy memories once I hit my teenage years.

                Billy kissed my cold hands. At that moment, I noticed how cold I was. Our breath was shown in the air in front of us. “Are you ready?” Billy asked. The tip of his nose was red.

I sighed and said, ”Yes.” He got up and I gave him a look. He understood and walked over to a tree. I sat there, rereading the headstone a few times before speaking.

“Mom,” I started, “I really don’t know how or what to stay.” A small chuckle escaped my throat. “That was really cliché, wasn’t it?” My smile lingered on my lips and vanished. “But, Mom, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should have made you come with me. We could have gotten you help sooner and I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t be,” I wiped away tears that were on the verge of spilling. I took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t be saying goodbye to you right now.” Tears fell out without my permission. I furiously wiped them away.

“Bye, Mom. I love you.” I let out a heavy breath and got up. Without looking back, I walked over to Billy. He gave me a comforting smile.

“Are you ready to find your grandparents?” He asked.

“Umm… I was thinking I would show you around a bit.” I said, sheepishly. He looked at me a little surprised but said, “Yeah.”

“Cool,” I said, taking his hand. Billy smiled at my gesture. I leaned against him and walked out of the cemetery. The first place I showed him was downtown. I figured this was the safest time of the day, seeing as everybody was either at work or school.

“When I was younger, my mom used to go here and take me with her.” I said, smiling at the memories. Billy just nodded, letting me babble on. We weren’t interrupted until we ran into Dean Haynes. The look in his eyes were the same as they were on the day I was in his office. I stopped when I saw him. Billy looked confused until he saw his eyes.

“I see you brought your filth back in this town.” Dean Haynes spited at us. Billy stepped in front of me, protectively but not before I saw the anger blazing in his eyes.

“Not to be rude, sir but I think you meant love.” I said. It was clear to me that neither of them expected my comment. He just huffed and pushed past us, muttering under his breath.

“I’m so turned on right now.” Billy said.  I looked over at him and gave him a playful push. Then I heard a sweetly familiar voice.

“Spencer.” I looked up to see Casey. Well at least I thought it was Casey. Her long blond hair was chopped all the way to her chin. Dark make up  was painted her once clear face. She was now dressed in all black. I do believe Casey went Goth.

“Casey?” I was more than a little confused. She didn’t seem angry, hurt, or bitter. She seemed friendly, nothing I deserved after what I did to her. Not to mention, she did a 180 in her appearance.

“How have you been? I’m so sorry to hear about you mother. She was a lovely woman.” Casey said, sympathically.

“Thank and you for the most part really good.” I said, still trying to figure out her angle. “How have you been?”

“Well, umm…after you left, things weren’t so good but then I started really getting into my artwork again. Now, I’m really happy.” She sounded genuine.

“You’re not mad?” I asked, surprised.

“I was super angry at first. My boyfriend cheating on me with another guy.” She scrunched up her face. “I cursed you to Hell and back because I felt…” Casey blushed almost shamefully. “I felt so betrayed and just so damn clueless. Then I talked to Adam.” My stomach twisted at the sound of his name. Billy glared at the ground.

“What’d he say?”

“He told me the truth. That he was the one that kissed you and that he threw you under the bus so no one else would know he was gay.” She told me. “He’s really sorry, Spencer.” So Adam knew he was wrong. I was shocked he told someone, especially Casey the truth. My head was starting to hurt with all this information.

“He should be,” Billy scoffed, speaking for the first time. I rolled my eyes.

“Who is this?” Casey asked, confused.

“Oh, this is my boyfriend, Billy and Billy, this is Casey, my ex.” I introduced them awkwardly. She looked at our intertwined hands and you could see everything click in her head.

“Oh, so you are…oh…” She said, biting her lip.

“Yeah. Look Casey, I’m sorry that I used you like that. You’re a great girl and I shouldn’t have hurt you.” I apologized, not able to express how deeply sorry I was for doing that to her.

“No, I understand. Adam explained to me how scared and alone he felt. No hard feelings, Spencer.” She smiled. I smiled back at her. We heard the clock chime. “I better get going before the school bell rings.”

“Bye, Casey.” I said.

“Bye, Spencer and nice to meet you, Billy. Treat him good. He’s amazing.” Casey said and ran off. Strange girl, I thought.

                I looked over to find an amused expression written on his face.

“So that was the girl you dated?” Billy asked. His smile was starting to poke out even further with each word.

“She used to be a cheerleader.” I argued, blushing.

“So you’re into cheerleaders?” Billy teased. I blushed even more. “I’ll remember that for Halloween.” My face was a bright red now. He started laughing.

“I love you.” He said after he recovering from his laughing fit.

“Yeah, I can feel the love.” I said, sarcastically.

“I’m going to poke you until you admit that you love me.” Billy keeping good to his promise, started to poke me. I started laughing at his action. Once he saw that it wasn’t bothering me, he moved his poking upwards to my cheek. I felt the first surge of annoyance and he felt it too. “Say it,” he repeated over and over again in a surprisingly high-pitched voice. Then, he poked me hard in the nose.

“Fine! I love you too!” I said. At first, my tone was annoyed but the look on his face made my tone soften.

“I knew it.” He said more proudly than he should. I rolled my eyes and leaned my head up against him again. “What’s down that way?” Billy was pointing down the other end of the street, I steered him away from.

“My father’s mechanic shop.” I said, simply, but deep down fear was bubbling up at the thought of being that close to him again. Billy just nodded. “Let’s get going to Mrs. White’s. I’ll show you around so more before we leave tomorrow.”

“Alright.” We walked down to Mrs. White’s house. Mrs. White was my old neighbor. Her and my mom were really close. Come to think of it, she was my mom’s only friend.

“That’s my old house.” I told Billy, pointing at what looked like a ghost of my old home. The grass was overgrown by inches. The flowers were already wilting. It seemed as if the house died along with my mom.

“Is that where your dad used…” Billy trailed off, not able to finish the sentence.

“It used to be a lot prettier.” I said, vaguely. Billy nodded, looking queasy.

                Once we got to Mrs. White’s house, only our pinkies were intertwined. Mrs. White was a widow in her late forties. She always had her greying auburn in a bun and was always modestly dressed.

“Oh, Spencer! It’s been so long!” She exclaimed when she answered the door. She wrapped me in a big hug, pulling me away from Billy. I instantly missed his arms. “Your mother and I were worried sick about you.”

“Hello, Mrs. White.” I said, as soon as I was unraveled from her arms. My pinkie was wrapped around Billy’s within seconds.

“This must be Billy. I’ve heard so much about you from Spencer’s grandparents. I’m glad you two have each other.” Mrs. White said all in one breath. Where was all this support four months ago? My whole life?

                We stayed at Mrs. White’s house for about an hour. She told me about my mom’s illness and about how worried and sorry she was about me. That hour made me feel terrible. Billy must have sensed it because he said, “ Spencer, we are supposed to meet your grandparents soon.” I gave him a grateful look.

“Tell your grandparents I’m sorry for keeping y’all for so long.” She apologized.

“It’s no problem, ma’am.” I said. After a quick goodbye, we were on our way to the hotel.

                The only change outside were the it was colder and my dad’s truck was in the driveway. Briefly, I thought about the day I left and his threat. I shook it off and took Billy’s hand.

                Those hands grabbed my neck. I knew at once whose they belonged to. They weren’t the soft, smooth, gently hands of my lover. They were the rough and deadly hands of a monster. They were his. He pulled me by the neck. I didn’t know if it was prior experience or paralyzing fear but I kept my neck still. Even when Billy pulled on my hand, losing in the tug of war battle.

“Billy, “ I forced out of my constricted throat,” Get help.”

“No, baby. I can’t leave you.” Billy said. I could tell he was scared but trying to keep calm. So was I. My dad took a swing at the fighting Billy.  Blood poured like a faucet out of his nose. With Billy caught off guard, Dad grabbed him by his neck. Now both of us were trapped. I tried to keep my head clear but that fact that my dad had a hold of Billy made my heart pulse with fear. I started praying that whatever my dad did to us that Billy would be okay. Billy had to be okay.

“What the fuck did I tell you would happen if you came near here again?” Dad growled in my ear. He was dragging us to the house. His grip loosened up, telling me to speak. “Boy, what did I tell you?” I wasn’t going to speak until I saw the murderous look in his eyes.

“That you would kill me.”  I gasped out.

“Yep, and now I’m going to kill your fag boyfriend too.” Dad growled, opening the door.

“No, Dad, please.” I begged. I begged for Billy. I didn’t care about me. Billy needed to live. Not me.

                Dad threw us to the ground. Billy rolled next to me, coughing and gasping for air. Blood stained his beautiful face but it was down spurting out.

“Billy, do whatever you can do to escape.” I whispered. He shook his head furiously. ”Baby.” I pleaded softly. Before we could argue further, Dad grabbed Billy and threw him into the coffee table. The sickening smack of his head on the wood made me close my eyes and cringe. When I opened them, I saw Billy’s closed and a cut was oozing on his forehead.

“Billy.” I cried out, crawling over to him. He didn’t respond. The only thing that kept me from complete panic was that he was breathing. It was faintly but he was still breathing none the less.

“I guess I’ll kill you first.” Dad said, smiling. I was staring into the eyes of a monster. He stalked over to me as I begged, “Please, don’t kill Billy.” He ignored my pleas and kicked me in the stomach. I cried out in pain.

“Get up!” He yelled. Apparently, I didn’t move fast enough because he kicked me again. I started coughing up blood and he kicked me again. “Get up!” He grabbed me by the throat again and tossed me, like a rag doll, into the wall. The glass picture of my mom fell on top of me and shattered. Glass shards stung my skin. A big gash went down my forearm. Every shaky movement I made, made the glass shift further down. He kicked me again. I screamed as I heard a crack. Then my breath became rough and ragged. He started shouting and cursing me to Hell. He called me a fag and every other demeaning word he could think of.

“It’s lucky your mom died before she could see how much of a disappointment her only son became.” Dad spit, kicking me harder with each word. After each kick, it became harder and harder to breathe.

“Dad.” I said, with all my will I could muster. He stopped, shocked that I could speak. So was I. “I love him and he loves me.” He growled and picked me up by the neck.

“Your kind doesn’t know love, you unnatural freak.” Then he threw me back down. My wrist snapped, causing me to scream again, against all odds. A tear slipped out. I didn’t know whether or not if it was emotional or just from the pain. “Stop crying and take it like a man.” I knew I was going to die. I was going to die without telling Billy that I loved him one last time. That scared me more than dying. Why was I so stupid to not say it? That should have been the first thing I told him. Lord, I prayed, please let Billy know how much I love and that I’m so sorry. He shouldn’t be dying today. Please let him get away and be safe. I love Billy. Then I felt a blow to my head and I drifted off.

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