Array
(
[text] =>

Spencer’s P.O.V.

Gone. She was gone. That couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t.  She was alive and healthy the last time I saw her. How long ago was that? What, four months? How can someone be alive and then be dead four months later? That made no sense. Was she sick? Was there an accident? All these questions spouted out in my head endlessly but they never flowed out of my mouth.

“She got really sick, Spencer and they couldn’t stop it,” Grandpa tried to explain but it wasn’t enough. No, this wasn’t real. She was alive still. She couldn’t have gotten sick. She was healthy as a horse when I left.

                Billy gripped my hand, tighter, bringing me back to life. “Love,” was all he said. She’s not dead. My mom was not dead, I firmly told myself. She didn’t get to meet Billy, see me graduate, or see me do anything with my life. The last she saw of me was her loser gay son running away. She didn’t get to see what made me amazing: Billy.

“No, she’s not.” I said, yanking my hand from Billy’s and running to my room. I sat on the edge of the unmade bed, with my face buried in my hands. I felt like a child, acting like this but I was so angry. They were lying to me. They were telling a terrible life. Why would they lie to me? This was just a sick, cruel joke. There was no point to this life.  I hated them for lying to me. I hated, hated, hated them.

                Billy came in and sat down next to me, silently. It was a couple of minutes before he said anything.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I asked, uncovering my dry face.

“About your mom,” He said, almost as if reminding me.

“You don’t believe that shit, do you?” I asked, almost angry.

“What?” Billy asked, confused. “They aren’t lying to you, baby. She had cancer. The doctors caught it too late.”

“But, she was fine when I- when I…” I wasn’t able to finish the sentence. Billy didn’t say anything. All he did was hold me.

“They held the funeral today. Tomorrow we are going down there to say goodbye.” Billy said. I froze. We were going down to Gulf Hills. All of those people who hated me lived down there. Adam was there. Casey was there. All the kids that me for being gay were there. My dad was there. My dad. The person, who was supposed to love me no matter what but beat me every day of my life, was there. The man, who threatened to kill me if I ever showed my face, was there. Maybe he changed. If Mom really did die, maybe that softened him. No, he would never change. The town was never going to change.

“I’m going home to pack, but I’ll be back in a half hour.” Billy said.

“You’re coming?” I asked, as he got up.

“I’m not letting you go back there alone,” He said, seriously. He was thinking along the same lines as me. He knew what a monster my father was. He knew what the people in town were willing to do to a fag like me.

                Billy kissed me and kept his lips there for longer than usual. The kiss sent a jolt to my heart.

“Take a shower and get ready. I heard we are leaving early.” Billy said, straightening up. I nodded and watched him leave. For a moment, I sat there.

                I didn’t believe my family that she was dead. It was too crazy to be true. Why would Billy lie to me though? He loved me. He must believe that crazy, stupid story too. She didn’t have cancer. She was just fine when I left. I’ll show them tomorrow. I’ll walk right up to the house, say screw you to my dad, and show them my very alive mother. I’ll have her meet Billy, the love of my life. Then with his help, we will be able to convince her to come back to Ripley with us. There was no way, she could say no after meeting Billy. She would see how much better I was away from Dad and that she could do better too.

                Once she came home, we could find her a house to live in. Maybe that one on Oak Street. She would definitely like that one. Then I could live with her. We would be happy. Finally, being together and away from the threat of her abusive husband, my father. It would be just like it should have been. I should have convinced her to leave Dad four months ago. None of this would be happening right now, if I did. Sighing, I got up and packed up enough clothes to last a few days.

                After, I took a shower. I turned to the water all the way almost to where it burned my skin. I stepped in, taking in all the scalding, hot pain. I didn’t allow myself to get away from the fiery water nor did I let myself turn it icy. It distracted me from the truth that was boldly facing me. The truth I refused to face, to believe. As my skin grew accustomed to the stinging pain, I turned the knob further left, making it hotter. I leaned my head against the cool tile while the rest of my body endured.

                I hadn’t done this since Gulf Hills. It was the only quick escape from the pain of my dad’s abuse. It hurt just as bad but at least I controlled it. He couldn’t. Well, that was until he saw the water bill. It was a vicious cycle. I was sure, even though they were liars, my grandparents wouldn’t beat the hell out of me, for using all the hot water.

                Then I heard the door, slowly creak open and then closed again. My eyes flickered open for a second, wondering who it was, but I didn’t care enough to keep them open longer than a couple of seconds. Then I felt cool air attack my cool face and disappear. I still didn’t open my eyes.

“Shit, love. You’ll melt your skin off.” Someone whispered. It wasn’t just someone. It was him, my Billy. The water temperature cooled, dramatically. I started to protest but Billy’s arms wrapped around me, making my words become silly putty. The water cascaded down the both of us. Normally, I would be playing and teasing with Billy but my heart was too heavy. I didn’t know why. The only thing to be upset about was my grandparents lying to me. Tomorrow, I would see my mom and prove them wrong. I had Billy, this beautiful man, standing next to me. My whole future was ahead of me. None of this was anything to be majorly upset about.

                I sighed and tilted my head into Billy’s bare chest. Our bodies were wrapped in each other so tightly hardly any water seeped through us. Heat was the only thing exchanged between the two of us. No words were said. Everything that needed to be said was said through our actions. Billy lightly kissed my shoulders, careful to avoid the sweet spot on my neck. I wrapped him tighter, if that was possible. I was afraid to let go. I wasn’t sure why but I was deathly afraid. I didn’t realize that a few tears had slipped down my cheeks but I was sure Billy didn’t see them. Luckily the water swirled in with my tears, erasing them.

“Love, I think we should get out now.” Billy said, after seemingly hours later. I nodded, not moving. He pried himself loose and turned off the water that was now cold. He helped me out of the shower. Both of us were shivering. I handed him a towel from the closet and we both dried off. I dressed in a flannel red pajama bottoms and a white tank top. All Billy wore was a pair of blue boxers.

                In my room, we laid on the bed. The room was already dark. Underneath our messy arrangement of blankets, his arms were wrapped around my waist, pulling my backside into his core. Billy’s bare skin touching mine warmed me up. I took his hand that was resting on waist and held it. He kissed my neck, murmuring sweet, lovely things. I never felt more loved whenever he did that.  I felt my cheeks grow warm and I whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Billy said. I could detect the smile in his voice. At that moment, everything felt normal. It was like nothing in the past hour had happen. With that I fell asleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                I was talking to my mom. We were in the living room. Mom was sitting in her usual seat, doing her sewing. I was sitting next to her with my hands interlaced with Billy. I had introduced them. I had no idea where my father was but thankfully it was nowhere near here. I couldn’t hear what the conversation was about. I just saw the three of us having, from the looks of it, a very pleasant conversation. Billy and my mom were having a very lively and animated conversation. After a while, she started crying which wasn’t unusual for my mom. What was weird about her crying was that she seemed so happy. That was a first. Then I heard the first words of the whole dream.

“Spencer, I’m so proud of you.” She told me. I felt warmth spread through my chest and I squeezed Billy’s hand. Happiness is what I was feeling. It didn’t seem like anything could take me down at that moment. Then he came.

                Mom and Billy disappeared, leaving me alone with the monster. He was staring me down, with the raging look I knew all too well. I knew the pain that was to follow that look. I was scared, trembling. No matter how many times I faced him in real life and in my dreams, I never got acclimated to his abuse. I was still that scared, clueless, little five year old.

                He slinked over to me, never once looking away or saying anything. I frantically backed away, trying to increase the distance between us but he always stayed within arms distance. With one swipe, he grabbed me by the neck. His hands were stronger than I remembered. They gripped my throat, crushing me. My air supply was cut off. I, desperately, fought for air. I fought for one last breath. The more I fought, the tighter his hold became until slowly…I just simply drifted away.

                I woke up in an all too familiar way with Billy shaking me, yelling my name. My eyes flew open, startled at the sound in his voice.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you having those dreams again?” He asked, worried. Then I remembered the dream. I felt the cold sweat trickle down my forehead. My limbs shook underneath his arms. I nodded, finding my voice too hoarse to talk. He hugged me tightly. It was his way of telling me I was alright. I believed him and stopped shaking.

“Is it time to get up?” I asked him, regaining my voice.

“Just about.” He whispered. “Are you okay with all this?” I wasn’t okay with what their plan was but I was okay with my plan. My plan was going to work out just fine. Just they wait and see.

“Yeah.” I said.

I'm sorry about this chapter. It isn't my best. Please vote and comment if you think it is worthy of it! Hopefully I will be able upload again this weekend!

[text_hash] => c9943fb2
)