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"So", Vic grins, our hands swinging between us as we walk through the chilly night air back from Vic's parent's house. "You've met my parents, when am I going to meet yours?"

The question puts a damper on my surprisingly good mood and I begin to feel ill. But I make sure to remind myself that Vic is my boyfriend and he cares about me so it's okay if I open up a little.

"Technically," I begin slowly. "You already have."

He chuckles confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Sam is my legal guardian." I chirp.

"Oh." Vic says surprised. "Where are your parents?"

"Uh, my mom left when I was two and my dad wasn't fit to be a parent. Sam has had custody of me since I was fourteen." I explain.

"Oh, Kells, I'm sorry." Vic frowns.

"It's okay." I smile. "I'm lucky to have Sam."

Vic's silent after that and I can tell he's thinking about something.

"How did I not know that?" he frowns, dropping my hand.

"What?" I ask confused.

"How did I not know that Sam is your legal guardian? How did I not know about your parents? We've been dating for months." he huffs.

"It just never came up." I shrug.

"No that's bullshit." Vic whines softly. "I tell you literally everything. You don't tell me shit. I feel like I don't know anything about you. You're reluctant to talk about your past, you don't want to tell me how you got your scar, you brush off almost any question I ask. It's not fair that I've been so vulnerable with you and you can't meet me halfway."

I feel guilty and I want to cry. I don't even have an excuse. He's right.

"I'm sorry. It's just," I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. "It's hard for me."

"Shit Kell, I didn't want to upset you." he murmurs wrapping his arm around my waist. "I just really want to know you, everything about you. I'm sorry, I promised you I'd be patient with your boundaries. But,"

He pauses.

"What?" I urge.

"Like are we getting somewhere? Are your walls coming down at all?" he frowns.

"They are." I assure him. "Meeting your parents was really hard for me, but I did it for you."

He nods and sighs.

"Well, thank you. I appreciate that." he smiles sadly. "I just want you to know you can trust me. I trust you."

I nod forgetting he can't see me, then I kiss his shoulder.

I want to tell him that I do trust him, but that would be a lie. I find it impossible to believe that if I told Vic everything, about my past, about my dad, about my shame, that he'd still want to be with me. I don't think anyone would want to be with someone so damaged.

"I think my family really likes you." Vic tells me, easing the tension amongst us.

"You do?" I ask hopefully.

"Yeah, absolutely. But even if they didn't it wouldn't matter. I really like you, that's the important thing, right?" Vic chuckles.

I take his hand again and brush my cheek against his bare shoulder.

"I really like you too." I smile.

That's the first time I've been able to say those words aloud while sober and it's relieving. I wish Vic could understand how much I've been able to grow just in the time we've known each other. But in order for that to happen, he would have to know where I started.

Vic walks in content silence beside me but my head is filled with chaos as I curse myself for not being as open as I'd like to be. But I remind myself that I'm making progress, it's slow, but it's progress. I just need to put myself out there more.

We eventually arrive at our dorm and it takes three tries in order to get the door open which just feels like a metaphor for my life at the moment. I just keep trying and trying wondering if this is all ever going to pay off. But tonight feels like a green light, I can finally see that there are doors opening for me. I just have to keep trying I guess.

"Should we put in a complaint about the door?" Vic chuckles as he falls down on his bed.

"I don't know. Sam says her's does it too so I don't think they're going to fork out the money to replace them." I explain.

"Probably not." he snorts.

Vic moves over and pats the spot next to him so I go lay down, resting my head on his chest.

"Seriously, thank you for coming tonight. I don't think I would have been able to do that on my own. And thank you for standing up for me. I'm so grateful for you." he sighs.

I lean up and kiss his lips gently.

"I'm glad I could be there for you." I smile.

He rolls onto his side and grabs my chin before kissing me again. I take a moment to consider just how much I love kissing him. I love being so close to him. I love our intimacy. To think only a few months ago, I was scared to even look at him for too long.

I pull away from his lips, grinning as I stare at him. I look him over him, my eyes travelling down his muscular arms, then down to the rips in his jeans. I place my hand on the exposed skin of his thigh, just rubbing it gently.

He cups my cheek then he kisses me once again. It doesn't take long at all for his tongue to end up in my mouth and I couldn't be happier about it. As the kiss intensifies, his hands begin to roam and sure enough they end up on my ass.

I feel relaxed and really into this, and as I begin to get turned on, I consider that maybe this could go further. And I can tell Vic wants the same thing.

But can I even handle that? I don't want to risk another meltdown.

However after tonight, I'm confident that I'm healing and making progress. Maybe that whole thing with Brandon was a once off. I feel ready for this. I really do.

And hey, I can't think of a better way to show Vic that I'm serious about him.

I pull away from Vic who seems to be a little breathless. I rest my hands on the front of his shirt and pluck at his collar feeling a little nervous.

"I want to be vulnerable with you." I whisper to him.

He bites his bottom lip seeming a little unsure.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" he whispers back.

"I want to take the next step."

"Like..." he trails off.

"Sex." I state bluntly.

A grin pushes it's way onto his cheeks and he blushes heavily.

"Really?" he murmurs coyly.

"Yeah, if you want that." I nod, keeping in mind that this will be Vic's first time and I don't want to pressure him.

"I do." he clarifies.

He slides his glasses off his face and sits them on his nightstand. Then he goes back to kissing me. I pull away very quickly though after having a realization.

"I don't have condoms or lube." I frown.

"I do." he chirps, surprising me.

I smirk suspiciously at him.

"When did you get condoms and lube?" I pry teasingly.

His face goes bright red and he covers it with his hands.

"Please don't ask me that." he whines.

"Now I gotta know!" I exclaim excited.

He whines again making me giggle. I pull his hands from over his face and kiss his nose.

"I'm not going to judge." I say softly.

He huffs and squeezes his eyes closed.

"Before..." he covers his face again and the rest of his words come out incomprehensible.

"What? Babe, I couldn't hear you."

He groans and drops his hands.

"Before we went to Washington." he spits out quickly and loudly.

My jaw drops and I want to laugh but I don't want Vic to think I'm laughing at him so I keep quiet.

"Babe! Shit!" I exclaim. "Washington? Really?"

"You said you weren't going to judge." he whines.

"I'm not judging." I assure him. "I'm just surprised."

"It's not that I thought we would, I just wanted to be prepared, you never know." he rambles.

"You're so fucking adorable." I grin then I kiss his lips gently. "But does that mean you were open to sex with me back then?"

He nods.

Wow. While I was freaking out about sleeping in the same bed as Vic, he was thinking about losing his virginity to me.

I press my lips back to his and push my hands up his shirt. His body feels warm and toned which makes me desperate to get him out of his clothes.

"Where are the condoms?" I mumble against his lips.

"Top drawer under the beanies." he blushes.

I sit up and pull his drawer open. Sure enough I find an unopened box of condoms and a small bottle of lube hidden under his beanies. I hear Vic sit up behind me as I peel the small tape seal from the top of the box.

He places his hands on my hips and kisses the crook of my neck. The simple action sends shivers through me. He pushes my hair to one side and trails little kisses up to my ear.

"Is that okay?" he whispers hoarsely.

I hum to assure him.

He continues to kiss my neck and I go back to focusing on opening the box of condoms in my hands. I pull one out and put the rest to the side, then twist my body around to Vic's, causing him to pull away from me.

I place my hand on the nape of his neck and lean up, kissing him softly. He takes my hips again, twisting my body back towards his. As he does, his fingertips slip under my shirt and brush against my skin.

Every time he touches me, I feel the need to be closer to him. His fingertips somehow feel like fire and ice at the same time. They burn me in the gentlest way and I crave more.

I grab the hem of my shirt and pull back from Vic as I pull it off over my head. I then take Vic's shirt and he allows me to remove it.

I'm entranced by him for a moment and I find myself just falling into his arms. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his shoulder.

"You okay?" he asks me softly, his hands travelling up and down my bare back.

"Yeah," I whisper, trying to collect my emotions so I can formulate a thought. "This just, um,"

I pause and smile.

"It just feels right." I breathe.

He smiles as he gently pushes me back and kisses my lips again. The kiss is slow and sweet, which leaves me wanting more.

I reach for the button on his jeans but his hand immediately grabs my wrist.

"Um," he murmurs against my lips. "You're going to have to walk me through everything. I don't exactly know what I'm doing."

He lets out a nervous chuckle which is just adorable.

"We're in this together." I assure him.

He nods giving me a shy smile and drops my wrist. I undo the button on his jeans and he helps me remove them.

I climb off the bed and shuffle out of my own jeans, staring at my nervous-looking boyfriend, just admiring how gorgeous he his. I drop my underwear while I'm there, just wanting to hurry this along. I climb back into the bed and sit in Vic's lap before grabbing his face and kissing him again.

I slip a hand under his boxers and begin slowly stroking him. He breathes shakily and rests his head against my chest.

I run my other hand down his neck and along his back then repeat.

"You're so beautiful." I whisper softly.

He lifts his head and I can see he looks a little sad. I stop touching him immediately.

"What's wrong?" I murmur.

"I just wish I could see how beautiful you are." he whispers.

I smile sadly and kiss his creased forehead. Then I take his wrist and place his hand on my chest, over my intensely beating heart.

"You don't need to see. Just feel." I whisper.

He swallows dryly and runs his hand along my chest. He takes his time, feeling ever curve, every inch of skin, every imperfection.

My stomach is tight as he touches me. I feel more vulnerable than ever and it's almost too much, but I push through because I want this, I really do.

As his hand slides to my hip, I take his other wrist and place his palm on the mirroring side of my body. He blushes as he gently holds me between his hands. He then moves them around to my lower back and I lean forward, a little so he can slip them lower. He chuckles nervously as he grabs my ass softly which makes me giggle. He doesn't linger too long and instead moves his hands around to my thighs. His fingers gently rub the soft, sensitive skin. I don't think I have ever been touched so sensually.

I'm getting harder by the second and I'm beginning to feel a little desperate for Vic to touch me where I really want to be touched, but I be patient, letting him build up to it and get comfortable enough to go there.

Fuck, I can't believe I'm going to be his first.

I almost feel as though I shouldn't be. Like he deserves someone better to experience something so special with. But the thought of Vic being with anyone else makes me feel sick so I abandon those thoughts and just count myself as fortunate to be in this position.

Vic removes a hand from my thigh and places it on my cheek. He then moves it down to my lip and kisses me softly. The kiss is short and sweet but he seems really flustered by it.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" he asks in a whisper.

I melt at the question. Of course he'd ask. He's such a gentleman.

"Please do." I giggle quietly which makes him grin.

He then brings his fingers to my shaft, gently feeling along it. The sensation is good, but it's not enough. His fingertips brush over my tip then back down my length again where he finally takes me into his fist. I can't help but to let out a shaky breath.

He starts rubbing me in an agonisingly slow manner, driving me completely insane. I just want more, I want all of him.

Vic leans forward and places a delicate kiss on my collarbone. Even that small kiss makes me break out in goosebumps. I don't know what it is about him, but he makes all my body's normal reactions amplified by a hundred. It's almost unbearable.

"I think you're gorgeous." he finally whispers.

I can't help but to grin.

"Thank you," I whisper. "Are you ready to take this to the next level?"

He blushes as he nods. I've never seen his so flushed and flustered but I love it. I love everything about this.

I grab the condom again and tear open the package before gliding it onto my boyfriend's shaft. I consider showing him how to do it himself, knowing that he hates when I do things for him, but maybe next time. I'm so eager to move this along.

I grab the lube and place the small bottle in Vic's hand.

"Put some of that on, I'm going to grab a towel so we don't mess up your bed." I instruct, then I climb off the bed and grab an old towel that I'm happy to part with.

Vic seems ready by the time I've covered his sheets with the towel which is enough to get me nervous and excited all over again. I climb back onto the bed and kiss my boyfriend again for good measure. He still seems tense though which worries me.

"You sure you're ready for this? If this is too much we can try again another day."

"No, I'm ready." he smiles. "I'm nervous, but I really want to do this."

"Just don't overthink it. It's sex. It's fun. You're not flying a plane." I explain.

"God, I hope not. That sounds dangerous." Vic chuckles which makes me laugh. He seems to relax at my laughter so I lay back on the bed and Vic takes my thighs in his hands and shuffles between them.

I walk Vic through the process and it goes smoother than I expected. We communicate so well and he just seems to understand me even when I'm not making any sense.

I'm in a state of pure elation when it's all over and I curse myself for waiting so long to do this.

"That was..." Vic begins but he trails off.

"Intense? Amazing? Incredible?" I grin, watching his chest rise and fall as he tries to catch his breath next to me.

He turns his head towards me and smiles softly.

"Perfect." he decides.

I kiss him in agreement then shuffle down and rest my head on his sweaty chest. I run my fingers along his stomach and watch goosebumps break out onto his skin. He starts playing with my hair which is weirdly soothing.

"Not bad for a blind rookie, yeah?" Vic grins poking my side making me giggle.

"Not bad? Are you sure you haven't done this before?" I beam.

"I mean, not with another person." He says which makes me laugh so hard I snort.

He sighs softly and twirls a strand of my hair around his finger.

"I'm so in love with your laugh." he murmurs absentmindedly.

A tension follows that statement. He didn't mean like in love, right? It was hyperbole, right? He just really likes my laugh. Just because he loves my laugh, doesn't mean he loves me, right?

"You have a much better ass than Michelangelo's David by the way." Vic says matter-of-factly breaking the tension.

"Oh really?" I chuckle.

"Absolutely. Don't know what I was thinking when I said that. Guess I didn't have much reference. But I can now confirm that you have a cute butt." he says seriously, then he lightly taps my bare ass.

If I wasn't too busy yawning I'd probably laugh again.

"You think my butt's cute? Wait 'til you see yours." I mumble tiredly, letting my eyes drop shut.

"Kell, even if I was sighted, I still don't think I could do that." Vic chuckles.

I snort at my own stupidity.

"I'm probably gonna fall asleep on you any minute now." I warn him, feeling myself slowly slipping into sleep.

"Okay, I'm gonna miss you though." he murmurs, kissing the top of my head. I'm in awe at his sweetness.

"I'm going to miss you too, but I'll see you in the morning." I assure him.

"Can't wait." he whispers, and that's the last thing I hear him say before I fall into a peaceful sleep, feeling more content than I ever have.

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