Chapter 24: Chapter Twenty-Three

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"Is there a reason you look more nervous than I do? Should I be more nervous?" I ask Vic as we're leaving our dorm to head off to his parent's house for dinner.

I'm already freaking out so if I should be more nervous I don't know if I can handle this.

Vic chuckles a little but there's tension in his laughter.

"You're going to be fine, Kells. I have reason to be more nervous than you." he assures me.

"Why do you need to be nervous? They're your parents." I frown, feeling even more anxious. What if his parents are like mine?

He sighs and smiles sadly. He doesn't say anything as we walk down the stairs of our building. He's silent until we're outside.

"They're just a lot. I don't want them to humiliate me in front of you." he sighs.

His words leave me worried.

"What exactly do you mean by 'a lot'?" I frown.

He sighs and takes my hand. I get the urge to pull away, but there's barely anyone around and I can tell he needs the affection, so I just let him hold it.

"Remember the flight attendant from the trip to Washington?" he mumbles.

I think back to the ignorant woman and how Vic handled the situation so well. 

"They're like her?" I ask confused.

He's silent after that. I get a chill from the cold night air and I look to Vic who isn't wearing a jacket. I wonder if he's cold. I wonder if he's not wearing a jacket to impress me.

"Maybe worse." he shrugs.

I squeeze his hand and kiss his shoulder gently.

"Don't get me wrong, I love them and I'm so grateful I have them, and I know it comes from a place of love, but ever since I went blind they treat me like I'm incompetent. And maybe that made sense in the beginning but it's been five years. I know how to handle myself." he rambles frustrated. "I feel like a lot of my shame around my blindness is because of them."

I listen intently, my heart aching at his confession. I know what the impact of a parent's shame can do.

"I'm sorry, Vic." I say softly.

"It's okay. I'm just lucky to have loving parents, I guess." He smiles sadly.

That makes me wonder if my dad ever loved me. I wonder if his anger and his resentment towards my sexuality came from a good place. Maybe he just didn't want me to suffer.

I remember when he suggested conversion therapy, and the shear joy on his face when I agreed. I can't help but to wonder what our relationship would be like if Sam hadn't gotten custody of me and I had gone. Dr. Levit told me it wouldn't have worked, that it could never have made me straight, but maybe my dad would have appreciated me trying.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts as we leave campus. I wonder how far we're going and I wonder if Vic knows the way from here.

Although, my questions are answered a lot quicker than I was expecting, as we only walk two blocks and then Vic tells me we're here.

"Wow, it's so close." I say a little stunned.

"Well they weren't going to let me move too far, were they?" he chuckles sadly as he unlatches the gate and leads me up to the door.

My heart pounds in my chest but there's something calming about the small house and it's beautiful exterior. Vic knocks gently and soon the stained glass windows on the door are shadowed as someone unlocks it and pulls it open.

A small man with a moustache greets us with a smile.

"Ah, Mijo, I was starting to doubt whether you'd come." he beams, pulling Vic in for a hug.

The sight is weird. Even before my father found out I was gay, he wasn't a big hugger.

"I missed Mama's cooking." Vic jokes.

His father pulls away and turns to me with a warm smile.

"And you must be Kellin." he grins.

He leans forward to hug me but I panic a little and my instincts force me to step back. He seems to realise his mistake immediately and extends his hand, giving me a look as if to ask "is this okay?".

I smile gratefully and take his hand shaking it.

"It's nice to meet you," he grins then he turns back into the house.

"Come in, come in." he instructs.

He glances back at Vic as he leads us through the house.

"Mijo, where's your cane?" he asks, concern in his voice.

I cringe at the question.

"I lived here my entire life, Pops. Unless you renovated, I don't think I need the cane." Vic answers swiftly.

"If you say so." his dad replies. "Mama's in the dining room setting the table."

As we walk through the house, I look around at the decor, particular at the family photos that hang on the walls. I see a photo of Vic when he was a kid. His prominent ears stick out on his small head and I wonder why on earth any kid would tease him for something so adorable. His smile is big, his hair is short and his pupils aren't milky. Not too much has changed, he's still cute.

My house wasn't like this when I was growing up. It felt tense instead of homely, there weren't any family mementos around, we didn't eat dinner together. This is all so strange to me.

But I'm hoping tonight works out. It kind of sucks that Vic doesn't feel as comfortable here as he should.

We enter the dining room where a woman is serving up pasta onto plates around the table. I see Vic's brother sitting at the end of the table. His eyes light up when he sees Vic.

"Aye, bro, you made it!" Mike exclaims getting up from the table and coming around to Vic.

He's taller than Vic which is surprising considering he's three years younger than him. Vic pulls him into a hug and I notice Vic immediately seems more comfortable at the presence of his brother. It reminds me of my relationship with Sam.

"Mike, this is Kellin." Vic grins, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling him close to me.

His mere excitement warms my heart. The thought of me being important to someone is just weird, but it soothes a feeling of unease that I didn't know was there until now.

"Dude, it's so good to finally meet you." Mike beams at me. "We always seem to just miss each other."

I guess he doesn't know that my weekly scheduled therapy just happens to fall within the time block he picks up and drops off Vic's washing. And the one time he happened to come at a different time, I freaked out and had to leave, which probably didn't make a great first impression.

I try not to think about the preconceived notions he already has of me and instead focus on making a good impression this time around.

"It's good to meet you too. Vic's told me so much about you." I smile.

"Oh, it's mutual. You're literally all Vic talks about." he says which makes me blush.

"I talk about other things," Vic interjects with a slight whine.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Mike snorts.

"Hey, language!" their mom pipes up as she wipes her hands on her apron.

She smiles at me as she walks around the table. "Thank you for coming, Kellin."

She surprises me by grabbing my face and kissing my cheek, right on my scar. My stomach sinks a little as I'm reminded it's there.

"Um, thanks for inviting me," I say a little flustered.

"Anytime. You are always welcome here." she beams. "Please sit, eat." 

I sit next to Vic who has already found his place at the dinner table. He finds my hand gives it a gentle squeeze before he picks up his fork and begins eating. I start eating too, admittedly really hungry and this pasta smells so good.

Everyone else settles into eating and small talk. Vic answers his parents questions about school but he doesn't seem up for much of a discussion. My name catches my ear and it takes me a minute to process what was just said.

"And Kellin's been helping you?" his mom asks.

I look to Vic, cringing at the frustrated look on his face.

"No, why would he help me? He's an art major. We're not even in the same field of study." he mutters.

"I just mean with getting to your classes and carrying your things." his mom clarifies glancing at me.

"He's my boyfriend, not my maid." Vic snorts.

I can't stop the words that leave my mouth as the need to defend my boyfriend overrules my need to make a good impression.

"Vic's pretty capable of doing those things himself. He's an independent person, he doesn't need me to hold his hand." I tell her matter-of-factly.

"He does need some help though." she pushes.

"Not much." I argue. "We took a trip Washington and Vic was more put together than I was."

Her jaw drops open as she falls silent and I sink into myself realizing what I just said. Vic didn't want his parents to know we left the state and now I've just ratted him out.

I glance at him, expecting the worst but he's just smirking amused.

"You went on a trip out of state!" his mom finally shrieks.

"Yeah, it was a good trip actually." Vic shrugs, then he brushes his shoulder against mine.

"It was a good trip." I smile fondly.

"You didn't think to run this by me? You just went to DC by yourself?" she near yells.

"No, I was with Kellin." Vic says cooly.

"Mama, Vic's an adult. He can take a trip if he wants to." Mike says quietly.

"He's blind, sweetie." she retorts.

"Yeah, I'm blind." Vic huffs. "I'm not fucking useless."

The room falls silent after that and I can't help but to feel like I played a big role in this tension. I should have just shut my mouth.

Vic's mom looks sad and his dad seems to be in thought. I glance at Vic who is just pushing his pasta around with his fork.

"I think," his dad begins slowly. "what your mother is trying to say is that we care about you and we just worry. And it doesn't help that you don't communicate with us. If you just called us every now and then, this transition period wouldn't be so difficult for us."

Vic drops his fork and the noise echos the room.

"Don't you see that you're suffocating me? I don't want to visit, I don't want to talk to you because you make me feel like shit all the time." Vic snaps.

A sadness lulls over his parents. Vic pushes his chair back which screeches against the floorboards and he gets up and leaves the room.

Not wanting to be alone with his parents, I make a quick decision to follow him.

"Vic, I'm sorry." I apologise softly as I follow him down a hallway.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Darling." he smiles sadly as he walks through an open door into a bedroom.

'Darling' makes me blush. That's a new one.

He closes the door behind us and I'm expecting him to lead us over to one of the two beds in the room–whichever is his–but instead, he pushes me up against the door and kisses me.

I'm surprised but not complaining so I slide my arms around his neck and kiss back.

He grabs my hips and pulls me closer to him as he moves his lips to my neck.

I'm overwhelmed by the simple action. His kisses cause goosebumps to erupt all down my arms and I find myself almost struggling to breathe.

"It's kind of hot when you stand up to my parents." he chuckles lowly.

I giggle a little at that and push him back so he can stop kissing my neck.

I glance over him and can immediately tell that he's tense. His bottom lip starts trembling a little and I worry that he's crying. I frown and gently take the bridge of his glasses between my fingers before pulling them off his face.

My heart breaks when I find tears swimming in Vic's eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Oh babe," I whisper, pulling him into my arms and hugging him tightly.

I feel him untense and he buries his face in my shoulder.

I've never seen Vic hide his emotions like that which just worries me.

"I just thought they might be different." he sniffs. "I thought I could prove to them that I'm able to do the things that anyone else can. But they just can't see past my disability."

"Hey," I coo, rubbing his back in a soothing manner. "If they can't see what a beautiful, capable man you are, that is their problem. You don't need their approval. You're blind and yet they're the ones who are misguided. This has nothing to do with you. They have to learn to accept and love this part of you or they're going to lose you. One day, they'll realize that."

He lifts his head and nods as he wipes the wetness from his cheeks.

"Yeah, you're absolutely right." he sniffs, then he leans forward and kisses my nose. "Thank you."

"Of course." I smile.

I pull him back in for another hug, just hoping he can get all the comfort he needs. We begin swaying a little and I find myself getting lost in my thoughts.

I think about all that I've personally accomplished tonight. I've met my boyfriend's family. I've held his hand in front of them. And I haven't even felt sick or ashamed all night. I'm feeling so good about myself and my progress right now. Maybe it's all smooth sailing from here, maybe I just had to get through the hard stuff and the bad feelings and now I'm well and truly on my way to recovery.

"I'm sorry." Vic says interrupting my thoughts. "Tonight wasn't supposed to go like this. This must be so awkward for you."

"It's fine." I chuckle. "Things aren't always perfect and that's okay."

"I think you're perfect." Vic murmurs softly.

I'm about to tell him how wrong he is when there's a soft knock on the door.

Vic and I move out of the way then Vic opens the door.

His dad stands there uncomfortably while holding a book.

"Kellin, I saw you looking at the photos on the wall so I brought you a photo album you might want to flip through." he says extending the book towards me.

I get really excited at the thought.

"Is that okay with you, babe?" I ask Vic, making sure I'm not overstepping any boundaries.

"Go for it." he chuckles.

I grin as I take the book from Vic's dad.

"Thank you so much." I beam.

"My pleasure." he nods, then he leaves.

"Can we sit down?" I ask Vic.

"Sure," he grins, thankfully seeming to be in a better mood.

He leads me over to a bed and sits down on the perfectly uncrinkled sheets.

I hand him back his glasses but he doesn't put them on which makes me smile.

I open the photo album and am immediately met with baby photos that are labelled above as 'Vic'.

"Holy shit you were an adorable kid." I whine.

He just chuckes and puts an arm around me.

I flick through the book, looking at all the photos of Vic growing up. His age progresses the further into the book I get.

I stare at the photos of a teenaged Vic all dressed up in uniform as he plays soccer. He looks so happy.

"You used to play soccer?" I comment.

He sighs sadly and nods.

"Yeah," he whispers.

I frown and take his hand. I wasn't expecting the question to damper his mood so much.

"You can't play anymore?" I ask.

"I could probably learn but I'll never be as good as I used to." he shrugs.

"Were you really good?" I ask interested.

"Well I was sixteen and already getting college offers. I even got an offer for a full-ride scholarship to NYU." he explains.

"Vic, that's amazing." I say in awe. "What happened?"

I realise the answer as soon as I ask the question and immediate feel like an idiot.

"I lost my sight." he says.

He pulls his hand from mine and wraps his arms around himself. He looks a little sick.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask softly.

"I was so stupid, Kells." he whispers.

I rub his shoulder, silently urging him to continue.

"I was losing my sight long before I went blind. And I told no one." he admits.

"What? Why?" I frown confused.

"Because I wanted to play soccer." he laughs, wiping away a tear that had slipped down his cheek. "I thought that if anyone knew that I was having vision problems then they'd pull me from the team and I'd lose any opportunity for a scholarship. God, I was so naive."

My heart sinks at his confession. I don't know how to respond to that.

"I would still have some vision if I had just let someone know what was happening. I put a stupid game before my health." he mumbles.

I close the album and put it aside as I move closer to Vic and wrap my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Vic." I say sadly.

He wraps his arms back around me and kisses my temple.

"I was actually playing soccer when I lost my sight completely." he says matter-of-factly. "It was really rainy and I couldn't see much on a normal day but because the sky was so dark, I could hardly see at all. I ended up by some miracle getting the ball, but the sun shifted from behind a cloud so I just looked up and I swear I saw a rainbow. I know realistically I couldn't see very far so I probably didn't see a rainbow. It was probably just a glare in my eye. But I got distracted and I tripped over the ball and hit the ground so hard I knocked myself out. And it turns out that I hit the ground at the wrong angle with such force that I ruptured both my optic nerves, accelerating my disease."

"At least the last thing you saw was pretty, even if it wasn't a real rainbow." I smile sadly, hoping to find a silver lining in such a sad story.

He chuckles and kisses my cheek.

"I wish the last thing I saw was you." he murmurs.

We're silent for a while after that until Vic unravels his arms from around me and stands up.

"We should get going." he decides, slipping his glasses back on.

"Sure." I agree, taking his hand then we leave the room.

"Mama, Papa, we're leaving." Vic calls to his parents as we head for the exit.

"Hold on, kiddo. Your mom and I want to talk." his dad calls back.

Vic sighs and turns away from the door.

His parents enter the room looking sincerely apologetic.

"Vic, I'm sorry." his mom begins.

"Ma, we don't have to do this." Vic mumbles.

"No, listen. I'm sorry for making you feel useless. That's not what I intended. I just worry so much about you, honey. No matter how old you get, you're still my baby." she says, her eyes filling with tears. "I know you're strong, but since day one you've had the world against you. You're half Mexican and you're gay, and being those things can be dangerous in this country at times. But now you have a disability and that leaves you even more vulnerable. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I look to Vic who seems to be taking everything in.

"Okay, I get that." he nods. "But I'm not worried Mama, I know I can handle myself. And I'm open to your support, but I'm not going to let you stop me from living my life just because you think I can't do something."

"Mijo," his dad says softly. "there's a lot I thought you couldn't do. I didn't think you could go to college, I didn't think you could have a relationship, I definitely didn't think you could travel across the country with no help. Keep proving me wrong. You amaze me every day. I'm so proud. We both are."

Vic smiles and nods.

"Okay," he chirps. "Kell and I are gonna go but I'll try to keep in contact, given you remain respectful."

His mom nods then comes over and gives Vic a hug. Vic seems relieved as he hugs her back.

"I'll see you soon, my boy." she whispers.

Then she leans over and kisses my cheek.

"Mike!" Vic's dad calls. "Come say goodbye to your brother!"

Mike rushes into the room and comes over to me first, pulling into a hug.

"It was so good meeting you. Keep looking out for my brother." he murmurs.

I just nod and give him a smile as he pulls away.

He practically tackles Vic into a hug.

"You still keeping your grades up?" Vic asks.

"I'm trying." Mike whines. "I just feel like I could be doing better things."

"Stay in school bro, or I'm going to kick your ass. Better things can wait until after you graduate." Vic warns.

"Yeah, yeah, you're starting to sound like Papa." he huffs.

"Don't insult me." Vic chuckles pulling away and ruffling Mike's hair.

We say the rest of our goodbyes then we're finally heading home and I'm feeling incredibly proud of myself, which is a rarity.

I'm getting better. I can feel it.

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