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Sorry the new part took so long, I just felt really unmotivated to write which is sad because I love this story and where it's going even if the writing isn't the best I could do.
Please let me know if there are any grammatical or spelling errors.
Don't forget to comment or vote if you enjoyed. - Vanessa
***
The first week of university went by relatively fast. Ashton had been spending a lot of time with Michael, Calum and Luke, but if he was being honest he'd been spending more time with Luke than anyone else. They hadn't kissed since the time after the showers in his bedroom and he was grateful because they were only friends and being with Luke all the time confused him sometimes.
He had to remind himself constantly why being with Luke would be a bad idea in the long run for both of them. He was finally reminded of why it was a bad idea, however, when he went for his Tuesday lecture.
Ashton put down his book when there was a knock on the door. He sighed because the book had finally been getting to the good part but he knew he could just finish it later.
He really needed to buy new books because it was getting a bit tedious reading the same books over and over but braille books were hard to come by. Maybe he'd order some online when he got back to his dorm later.
Brad grumbled from where he lay in bed and if Ashton was being honest he'd barely said anything to Brad since the party. He knew it wasn't really Brad's fault because he didn't force Ashton to go. Ashton agreed to go on his own and he regretted it but he wasn't blaming Brad, he just felt like he was a bad influence and constantly put Ashton down even if he didn't mean to. He just thought it was better if maybe they didn't hang out or even talk for that matter unless completely necessary.
Ashton swung the door open expecting Michael but was a little surprised to hear Calum's voice that greeted him.
"Mikey had to speak to a professor early this morning so he couldn't take you to your lecture. Hope you don't mind if I do it?" Calum asked.
"Course not," Ashton chirped because he liked Calum even if he wasn't as close to him as Michael or Luke. "Let me just get my things."
After gathering his stuff, Calum and Ashton headed out with their arms linked even if he did spend a solid five minutes complaining because he wanted to use his cane. Calum said he was just being difficult so he huffed and maybe grabbed Calum's arm a little angrily but that made Calum laugh and say that Ashton angry was like a puppy trying to be angry.
Ashton was a little nervous when someone sat next to him at the start of the lesson. He fidgeted nervously because he didn't know if they were going to be mean or were judging him and they didn't say anything so it made him even more uncomfortable.
"Hello," a deep voice drawled and Ashton almost sighed in relief because they finally spoke and didn't sound hostile at all.
"Hey," Ashton mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and casting his eyes on the table in front of him because he still hadn't found time to buy new glasses and he didn't want to creep whoever this guy was out.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" He asked sweetly and Ashton noticed an English accent that he hadn't picked up on earlier.
"No, I don't mind," Ashton said honestly because even if he didn't always feel comfortable with new people he still felt happy when they went out of their way to be nice. He just hoped he wasn't playing a prank on him because it wouldn't be the first time.
"I'm Harry by the way," he said. His voice was slow and almost soothing and Ashton felt his lips tug into a smile because he seemed nice.
"I'm Ashton," he said softly.
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Ashton," he said, smile evident in his voice.
Harry and Ashton didn't say much for the rest of the lecture but he felt content with someone sitting beside him. They sat together in comfortable silence and yeah, maybe university wouldn't be that bad.
Harry said goodbye to Ashton after the lecture when Calum arrived. Harry had decided to wait with him which surprised Ashton because no one could be that nice but apparently Harry was.
Calum led Ashton to the library because even if Ashton had a vague idea of where it was he didn't trust himself enough yet not to get lost.
Calum stopped in the middle of their conversation on how Michael always sprinkles the crumbs off his fingers back into the chip bowl to gasp. Ashton wondered why he stopped the heated retelling of the story because he was clearly annoyed about it despite how much he loves Michael.
"What?" Ashton asked as Calum tugged his arm in the other direction away from where they were headed to the library.
"N-nothing," Calum muttered nervously, clearly a terrible liar.
"Calum Hood," Ashton said angrily, forcing Calum to stop. If there was one thing that Ashton hated about being blind was that people used it to leave him out of things. His parents often did that and it honestly pissed him off.
"Tell me. Now," Ashton said firmly and Calum was a little stunned because Ashton was always sweet and shy but suddenly he was honestly angry and clearly it made Calum a little nervous because he stuttered out a nervous reply of one word: Luke.
"What's wrong with Luke?" Ashton asked worriedly because he didn't think it was nice of them to leave Luke if there was something wrong with him. Maybe he needed them.
"He- he was kissing Aleisha." And just with that sentence Ashton's heart dropped.
"W- what?" Ashton whispered.
"I mean, he used to date her in High School and they were still together once they got here but I thought he would've stopped seeing her once he met you," Calum rushed out, clearly confused but Ashton could barely understand because Luke had kissed someone else.
Ashton swallowed the lump in his throat and just whispered for Calum to take him to the library. Calum tried to sooth Ashton the rest of the walk there telling him that maybe it wasn't what it seemed but Ashton wasn't listening because Luke kissed someone else.
Ashton could barely concentrate in the library as he attempted to do his work because all he could think of was Luke. He sighed, however, realising he was being a hypocrite because he told Luke that he was allowed to date others because Ashton wasn't sure when he'd be ready for a relationship. It wasn't fair of him to be angry at Luke when he said he was allowed to even if it did hurt and made him want to burst into tears in the middle of the library.
It made it hurt even more because Aleisha had seemed nice and they'd talked a few times when passing in the corridors. He knew it wasn't her fault and that she was probably honestly a nice person but he couldn't help but resent her and want to trip her the next time they maybe passed each other again.
He knew he was being mean and unreasonable to keep Luke from dating when he didn't know when or if he'd ever be ready to date Luke but it made him feel more insecure because how was he supposed to be around his soulmate if he was with someone else. Maybe this whole friends thing wouldn't work out so well after all.
Ashton sighed when he didn't get any work done and decided to try finish it tonight. He wanted to go to the café that was probably one of his favourite places because it was quiet, warm and comforting and they made the best coffee.
He knew the way there easily enough now from going there after every library session the previous week. He took his usual seat and ordered a coffee while he plugged in his earphone and listened to music, trying not to picture Luke making out with Aleisha.
He tried to picture her ugly but then he realised that probably wouldn't be the case because Luke was good-looking (he'd heard a few people in one of his lectures talking about him so he knew he wasn't the only one who thought he was beautiful even if he couldn't see him) and he was also confident. Of course he wouldn't have a problem finding someone and he was sure he'd probably go for someone gorgeous.
Maybe that's why he wouldn't be with Ashton, because Aleisha was probably so much more. She was sweet and had a chirpy, happy voice. Even if Luke had said he wanted to be with Ashton, he couldn't help but think maybe he didn't really want to. If he wanted to be with him, wouldn't he have a problem being with Aleisha even if Ashton said he could date other people? If he really wanted to be with Ashton, he wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
Ashton's head hurt with how much he was overthinking this. He felt guilty for being so hypocritical. Maybe it would've been better if Luke had told him himself. They're friends after all and even if they're not together they're still soulmates, that should count for something right?
Ashton finished his coffee, lost in thoughts of Luke and debating whether being friends was even a good idea to begin with. Ashton slowly made his way to the dorm and thought about how his time until now at university had been some of the best moments if his life.
He'd never really had friends, so spending so much time with the guys really made him feel more comfortable and maybe a little confident in himself that maybe he was worth being friends with even if he'd spent nine years of his life feeling the complete opposite.
Ashton was glad that Brad wasn't in the dorm when he got there. He didn't feel like listening to Brad because even if Ashton isn't talking to him, somehow he still talks to Ashton even if he just ignores him. He feels bad sometimes but then Brad will make a rude comment and Ashton doesn't regret it anymore.
Michael tried to call Ashton and he assumed it was because Calum told him what happened. He didn't feel like thinking about it, however, and he knew Michael would just go on about it. Instead he spent the rest of the day reading because doing work made his mind wonder but reading never failed to help him forget.
It wasn't long until there was an insistent knocking on the door. Ashton had turned his phone off because he wanted to be left alone for a bit but knew that if his phone kept going off he'd have the urge to check.
He knew it wasn't any of Brad's friends because he hardly spent anytime in the dorm anymore and when he did he was recovering from a hangover, sleeping or getting ready for a party; none of which involved any possible friends he may have.
Ashton got up, sighing as he put his book down because it was getting to the good part and he hated leaving it in the middle of a chapter.
"Come on, baby. Please open the door!" Ashton froze with his hand on the doorknob, not expecting it to be Luke.
He assumed maybe Calum or Michael told Luke that he knew but he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk to Luke. He knew he might say something he'd regret because it isn't Luke's fault; he doesn't blame him but sometimes his insecurities get the best of him and he knew there was a strong chance that that would happen and that he'd later have to apologise for it.
"Fuck, Ash! Just open the door." Ashton flinched a little because Luke sounded angry and Ashton didn't like it when he was angry. He didn't know what to do and it was making him feel stressed because he didn't want Luke to think he was mad because he wasn't. He was just scared of not being good enough but sometimes he can't seem to say the right things when he's panicked or nervous.
Ashton sighed, knowing that Luke wouldn't leave until he either broke down the door or Ashton answered. He might even wait until Brad arrived later out of pure desperation because Luke hates Brad more than anyone so relying on him meant it was a last resort.
With shaky hands, Ashton pulled the door open and he heard Luke sigh in relief.
"Ashton, it wasn't what it looked like," Luke rushed out.
"I can't see, Luke, so I don't know what it looked like," Ashton said, and maybe it was supposed to come out jokingly but the situation made it seem as though he was serious and he cringed because everything was awkward.
"Fuck, I'm sorry I didn't-"
"It's fine, Luke. I was... I was joking and it's fine," Ashton said awkwardly as he walked back to his bed and sat down, scooting himself so that he was leaning against the wall. He heard Luke close the door and soon enough the bed dipped next to him and he heard Luke shuffle until he was close enough beside him that they were touching.
"Ash-"
"It's okay, Luke," Ashton sighed, already hearing how guilty Luke sounded but he didn't need to be even if Ashton was far more upset about it then he'd like to admit.
"What?" Luke asked, clearly confused.
"I said it's okay, Luke. It's not like we're dating anyways," he mumbled, lowering his head as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
"Are you serious right now?" Luke said angrily and Ashton was confused because wasn't he the one who was supposed to be angry and upset?
"Um, yeah?" Ashton said, shifting uncomfortably as he could feel Luke's stare boring into him.
"So what, do I mean nothing to you at all that it doesn't even matter a little bit?" Ashton swallowed loudly as he shook his head.
"I didn't say that, Luke. I just don't expect you to wait for me."
"You're not even fucking upset though, not even a little," Luke said angrily.
"You know that's not true, I'm sure you felt something through the bond when I found out about it. Stop making me feel guilty for nothing, Luke," Ashton muttered, facing away from Luke.
"Can you just look at me for one fucking second," Luke yelled and Ashton flinched.
"It's not like I can see anyways-"
"Well I can and I feel ignored, okay?" Ashton reluctantly turned to face Luke and sighed because everything was a mess.
"I just don't see why you're so upset right now," Ashton whispered.
"I feel like I don't matter to you enough for you to feel upset. Yes, I felt how upset you were earlier but now I don't and it's like you've given up on the possibility of us being anything. I just want to know you care," he sighed in frustration, his voice shaking with the strain of trying not to shout again.
"I do care, Luke! I just don't know when I'm going to be ready to date and it's not fair to expect you to be alone. I can't expect you to be alone just because I'm too screwed up to date," Ashton said, voice raising a little.
"You're not screwed up! How many times do I have to tell you? It's so fucking annoying that you don't understand that."
"I'm never going to be good enough, or at least believe that I am, when will you get that?" Ashton felt his eyes brimming with tears because this was something he couldn't change, at least not completely, and he needed Luke to understand that.
"You don't want this. You don't want us," Luke said coldly.
"That's not what I said! I just- I don't know what to do!" Ashton yelled, tears finally spilling over. "I'm trying to do the right thing and you're making it so hard!"
"I want you to fight for us for one fucking second! I want to know that you even want us to be a thing. I need you to care because I feel like I'm the only person trying here."
"I am trying. I'm trying to be more confident but it's hard because I know I'll never be worth it," Ashton practically begged Luke to understand.
"Just tell me for a second what you want. Tell me how you felt when you found out about me and Aleisha. Show me you care. I know you're insecure but so am I, okay? It's hard being the only one fighting for us to even be together," Luke replied, voice blunt and almost emotionless. Ashton hated this, he hated confrontation and nothing was happening the way he wanted it to.
"I- I was upset but it doesn't matter because I told you that you could date again so-"
"How can you say it doesn't matter? You know, I came here to tell you that Aleisha and I used to date but we haven't seen each other so I haven't gotten around to ending things with her which is why she kissed me. I guess I shouldn't even have thought to explain myself then since it doesn't matter, right? Maybe I shouldn't even have ended it at all."
Ashton could feel his face contort into hurt and pain so he turned away from Luke because he didn't want him to see that it was tearing him apart. Luke was so angry and upset that Ashton knew Luke could barely feel Ashton's own emotions because his were so strong they were clouding Ashton's.
He was glad for that though, because he wasn't ready to date Luke and he knew it was selfish of him to keep Luke alone when there were so many people out there who would love to be with him. Luke was so angry and upset, however, that he knew he couldn't understand that Ashton was doing this for him.
"You know what? I'm going to go find Aleisha, at least someone wants to be with me," Luke said coldly and Ashton closed his eyes and flinched a little but stayed facing away from Luke so he wouldn't see how much it hurt.
Luke got up roughly and the sound of the door slamming was like a hammer to Ashton's heart, blunt and painful; shattering him to his core. He was broken, but he was also absolutely terrified that one day if Ashton was finally ready to accept someone into his life; to accept love, that the one person he was meant to be with had moved on completely when that time came.
He was so conflicted and confused. He knew he couldn't expect Luke to wait for him which was why he said he shouldn't be alone until Ashton was ready but he also knew there was a chance Luke wouldn't want him anymore when the time came. Luke said he'd wait for Ashton but it just didn't seem likely. Ashton wasn't worth waiting for.
Why would Luke want the blind, weak, insecure boy over Aleisha who Ashton could imagine as completely gorgeous and worthy of being loved. Even if Luke and him were soulmates doesn't mean he can't care deeply for others, like Aleisha, and maybe he'll realise that being with her is a lot less work than with Ashton.
Ashton curled up into a ball and faced the wall. His body wracked with sobs because it hurt more than anything. Luke thought Ashton didn't care but the truth was he cared about him too much to expect him to be trapped with Ashton.
Ashton was a burden. He was the guy that walked slowly because he had to use a cane or be guided. He took forever to do his homework and study. He couldn't read the menu at a restaurant and had to have it read to him. He had to have things described to him. He couldn't even go out without asking someone if his hair looked like a hurricane had passed through because he couldn't tell. He didn't even know what he and everyone else looked like and he never would.
Ashton frustrated and annoyed people with how reliant he was. Even if they never said it he knew it was true because how could anyone be okay with all the things that made Ashton hate himself. He hadn't felt it in a while; the dark pit of self loathing that was so constant in Ashton's life so many years before.
Before, Ashton couldn't go a day without wishing he'd never been born because it hurt the way everyone mocked and ridiculed him. He was shoved and made a joke of everyday at school. The teachers almost never helped him because it became difficult and too much work. Ashton was surprised he'd even made it into university and it took so much work and effort to make it this far.
Everyday felt like more effort than it was worth. He knew Luke told him to accept his differences because that's what made people beautiful and unique but it was so much harder than it seemed. It was easy to believe it when Luke so lovingly told him. It was a lot harder when he felt as though everything was crumbling around him, the sound of the door slamming seeming to still echo throughout the room.
Ashton didn't know what time it was and he didn't care. He felt exhausted, all his energy seeming to have drained with each tear shed which seemed to never end. He got under the covers, pulled the duvet over his head and wrapping his arms around his knees.
He silently cried and wished he was better. He could imagine Luke with Aleisha and he had to keep telling himself that this was good because Luke deserved more than him even if he couldn't see that yet.
Ashton fell asleep with puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks, heart aching in his chest.
***
Ashton did everything he could to avoid Luke, Michael and Calum. He didn't have any lectures today and knew the guys were probably together or would at least ask him about Luke so he wanted some time without them.
He messaged Harry and even though they didn't know each other too well, they agreed to hang out for a bit. Ashton insisted they could meet at the library to do homework but Harry needed to drop by the mall and asked Ashton to go with him.
Ashton couldn't help but feel a little nervous as he waited for Harry to arrive. They hadn't talked much and he was afraid it would be awkward because he wasn't good at making friends. He felt as though he never knew what to say and they didn't know each other too well. Harry was kind, however, and understanding from what he'd gathered so he wasn't as worried as he normally would be but still enough to be fidgety.
The soft knock at the door made Brad grumble where he was asleep in bed and Ashton almost had a heart attack because he forgot he was even there for a moment. Ashton walked towards the door and opened it, being greeted by Harry warmly.
"I got you some coffee," he said happily and Ashton could hear the smile in his voice, making him smile to.
"Thank you, Harry. You didn't have to do that," Ashton said, lowering his head a little as he smiled.
"It was no problem, really. You ready to go?"
"Yeah, let me just get my stuff," Ashton said, hurrying to grab his backpack for the library later and making sure his phone and wallet were in there. After slipping the cane around his wrist, he closed the door behind them and they were on their way.
Harry made friendly conversation on the way to the car as though he could sense Ashton's unease and he was grateful. He also offered Ashton a hand but accepted that he wanted to do it on his own. It was a nice difference to being treated as though he couldn't do anything even if people were just trying to be nice. He was a little worried he was annoying Harry by going slow but he honestly didn't seem to mind.
"So, do you need to get anything from the mall now that we're here?" Harry asked once they were done buying a gift for his friend's birthday.
"Um, yeah. Do you mind if we look for some sunglasses?" Ashton asked a little timidly, remembering he never got around to replacing his yet.
"Sure, there's a shop we just passed," Harry said. He gently steered Ashton around before they continued towards the shop. Ashton hoped they weren't too expensive because he didn't think he'd need or be able to afford anything too pricey.
"Do you want me to pick for you?" Harry offered and Ashton nodded because he couldn't see them and he didn't know which one would suit him. He heard Harry ruffling a bit, probably going through the glasses before he felt some slip on his face.
"Hmm, let me try another," Harry mumbled to himself, obviously taking this seriously and making Ashton giggle to himself, Harry's chuckle joining in.
They were on their third pair, both laughing a little hysterically because Harry had a silly sense of humour and Ashton couldn't help laughing. It felt good to laugh after crying himself to sleep last night and he felt a little lighter with Harry.
"Ashton?" A high pitched voice asked and Ashton stopped mid-laugh, freezing because that was one of the last voices he wanted to hear today.
"Aleisha?" Ashton asked, swallowing and turning to face her voice. He plastered a fake smile on his face, hoping he wouldn't seem too off.
"What are you doing here?" She asked happily and Ashton knew she was just trying to make conversation but he wished she wouldn't.
"Uh, buying glasses," he mumbled, shakily reaching up to slip the glasses he was still wearing back up his nose a little out of nervous habit. Harry seemed to sense his unease because he linked his arm with Ashton trying to calm him and he appreciated it.
"Hey, babe?" A voice called out and Ashton felt himself stiffen further, his eyes watering a little and he was glad he had glasses on. It hurt because the voice wasn't talking to him and Ashton repeatedly told himself that it was for the best.
"Over here," Aleisha called out and despite Ashton liking to believe he was a relatively good person he kind of wanted to hit her on the head with his cane because now Aleisha was calling Luke here and he didn't need that.
"I should go," Ashton hurriedly mumbled before Luke could reach them. Ashton tugged at Harry's arm hoping they could leave now.
"Should we pay for these and leave?" Harry whispered to him and Ashton nodded urgently as Harry walked them to where he assumed the till was.
Before they could walk much further, Luke's voice sounded and Ashton sighed heavily because he honestly didn't need this right now.
"Ashton? What the fuck?" He asked angrily. Ashton knew he couldn't avoid him anymore so he turned around timidly, feeling Harry do the same. He felt bad for Harry being caught up in this and he wished they'd just gone to the library earlier when Harry was done shopping for himself.
"Um, yeah?" Ashton swallowed, shifting on his feet a little out of nervousness.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" Luke asked, voice shaking with the strain of keeping himself composed. Ashton knew having a moment alone was better than arguing in front of Aleisha and Harry so he nodded timidly and drew himself away from Harry.
Despite how angry Luke was, his grip on Ashton's wrist as he led him further away was incredibly gentle and it made Ashton's heart flutter. Ashton lowered his head, his hand going back up to adjust his glasses from slipping further down his nose.
He flinched a little in surprise when Luke's hand gently cupped his chin, lifting his head so that it was tilted upwards but relaxed into Luke's touch.
"You're not going to shout at me?" Ashton whispered and he felt Luke's overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness through the bond making him frown in confusion.
"Fuck I'm so sorry, baby," Luke mumbled.
"What for?" Ashton asked, honestly confused. He felt Luke gently slip the glasses off his face and he shifted a little uncomfortably.
"I'm such a dick. I guess I have a little bit of anger problems or something but I never mean to shout at you. I guess when I get upset I just can't think and- and I'm just so stupid! I'm sorry, baby," Luke said, sounding frustrated. Ashton nodded slowly, knowing that Luke could get a little angry sometimes but he'd always been incredibly gentle with Ashton no matter how upset he was so Ashton wasn't upset with him.
"It's okay, Lukey," Ashton whispered.
"No, it's not. If I shout at you again I give you full permission to beat me with your cane or something." Despite the seriousness of his tone Ashton couldn't help but erupt into a fit of giggles.
"I could never, Lukey," Ashton giggled and Luke chuckled. Ashton froze when he felt Luke's lips press against his cheek and he felt his face heat up and his heart rate accelerate at the gentle touch.
"You're so fucking cute," Luke murmured to himself and Ashton knew he was probably beet red at this point by the way Luke laughed softly.
"Are you- Aleisha and you, are you together?" Ashton stuttered out, biting his lower lip to hide his hurt.
"No, baby. I'm so sorry. I ended things with her and we're just friends. She was telling me to grow a pair and apologise to you actually." Ashton nodded, relief flooding through him as Luke stepped a little closer. Ashton could feel the heat of his body due to their proximity and he sighed a little because being close to Luke was like coming home for a moment; comforting and familiar as though there was no other place in the world he was supposed to be.
It was easy to forget sometimes how close you became to your soulmate once you met them. Being away from Luke was like a dull ache but when they fought it made his heart clench with pain.
It confused Ashton because he needed Luke like he needed air to breathe but he also couldn't be with him, not yet at least. He needed Luke to understand that desperately.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Ashton pleaded.
"What for?" Luke asked, confused.
"I'm not ready to be with you yet, Lukey. I'm sorry. I want to be with you so bad, more than anything. I just don't think I can yet. Please understand," Ashton rambled, begging Luke to understand because he couldn't bare the thought of Luke thinking he didn't want him, didn't need him, because he did. More than anything.
"Hey, calm down baby. I do. I understand I was just being stupid before. Aleisha beat some sense into me don't worry," Luke said, his thumb caressing Ashton's cheek. Ashton felt a stirring in his stomach at the mention of Aleisha but he knew it was silly to be jealous because Luke had just said they weren't together.
"Who's that guy anyways?" Luke asked, voice a little bitter.
"That's Harry, he's a friend." Ashton heard Luke mumble something incoherent under his breath.
"You need to tell me how you feel, Ash," Luke said after a moment of silence.
"What?"
"You said yesterday that you were okay with me dating other people but you're not. I wanted you to tell me that. I wanted you to be honest with me about how you were feeling. I don't want to date other people and you don't want me to date other people.
I told you that I'll wait for you for as long as it takes because you're worth waiting for, Ash. You're worth it all. I hope one day you'll believe me when I tell you that.
It breaks my heart more than anything when you put yourself down or doubt yourself. I know you've been through a lot, more than maybe I'll ever understand but I need you to understand that you're not a burden to me." Luke's breath fanned across Ashton's face and he felt his eyes well up with tears because Luke seemed to know exactly what Ashton felt and it made his heart ache with his need and want for Luke.
He didn't know how much longer he could resist the perfect- no, not perfect. Luke wasn't perfect but he was beautifully flawed because no one is perfect. He didn't know how much longer he could resist someone so painfully beautiful who always told him exactly what he needed to hear. Luke was gentle with him but also blunt.
He needed that. He needed Luke and it was so difficult to resist telling Luke they needed to wait. He knew they weren't ready. Ashton was so insecure and Luke couldn't control his emotions so Ashton didn't know if he'd regret the next words to come out of his mouth.
"I want to be with you, Lukey. I- now. I can't stand the thought of not being with you," Ashton whispered so low he was afraid Luke wouldn't hear him. Luke's sudden intake of breath assured him that he did.
Ashton felt Luke's arms snake around his waist, pulling him into a hug that made him feel dizzy with warmth and caged in security and comfort. His heart rabbited in his chest as he nuzzled his head into Luke's broad shoulder.
"Are you sure?" Luke asked, his breath against the shell of Ashton's ear making him shiver.
"I'm sure," Ashton mumbled, voice muffled by the fabric of Luke's shirt.
The truth was that he didn't know if he was sure. All he knew was that he wanted Luke, that he needed him. He hoped that would be enough.
He hoped.
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