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Dedication: goodness-gracious

I would've had this up sooner but my house flooded with water from a hail storm so...

So shit just hit the fan in this chapter. I'm sorry in advance but this has been planned from the beginning. Maybe you hate me. Maybe you don't. Or maybe I'm being extra and it wasn't even that bad. Either way I personally thought it got pretty real but that might just be me lol.

We've hit 1K reads and 145 favourites so thanks everyone! Hope you continue to read the story and give it a vote or maybe even comment your thoughts. It'd mean a lot to me!

As usual, don't forget to let me know if you come across any spelling and/or grammatical errors so I can fix them!

Anyways, without further ado, enjoy homies! - Vanessa

***

Previously:

"I swear I'll tell you everything Lukey. I promise I'll tell you everything just give me time," Ashton begged as Luke relaxed again.

"Fine, but you promise you'll be there right?"

"I promise I'll be there and I promise I'll explain everything," Ashton mumbled. He still had to tell Luke he was leaving on Friday but he didn't want to do it now. He was already upset and he knew it would just make him angrier. So he held on to Luke tighter and hoped that everything would be okay.

Friday 11:30:

"Ashton, tell me what happened," he heard his mom urge, pleading from where she was seated in the driver's seat on their way home. With what little sense he could muster, he could feel that she was worried, could hear it in her voice but he felt numb.

His breathing was uneven, breath stuttering as his hands where clenched at his side, gripping tightly onto the leather seats. It was confusing because everything hurt but at the same time he felt like he couldn't feel a thing. His heart felt as though it were physically broken, heavy in his chest with the weight of his misery.

He never imagined it would hurt this bad. Luke's words ran through his mind on repeat and it felt like someone had stabbed him. His soulmate; the one person destined above all else in the entire universe to be with him threw him away like he didn't even matter. He turned over the events in his head, trying to make sense of it all but it was simple really; Luke never cared about him.

He trusted him, more than he'd ever been able to trust anyone since he was nine, and it never mattered to him because he didn't care. He could still hear the words, could hear him saying how he basically never cared because Ashton never mattered.

He would never see Luke again because he would never go back, the thought of ever being in the same area as Luke felt like a knife twisting in his chest. He could never go back but it was for the best. He'd never felt so painfully alone, it was almost as though he could feel the ghost of Luke's touch but it stung to think about it. It wasn't comforting or warm, but like a sharp throb.

"Ashton, you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong," his mom almost demanded but he felt lost, empty. His other half was gone, ripped away from him. How could you survive without your other half?

"I can't feel him anymore," Ashton whispered, voice thick with tears that wouldn't come.

"What?" His mom whispered, confused.

"I- I can't feel his emotions anymore," Ashton murmured, finally placing the strange numbness and empty feeling in his chest. He couldn't feel Luke's emotions or even his presence. Everything was wrong, he felt wrong, but at the same time it held a sense of finality.

It was better this way. Luke didn't know he was gone, they never said goodbye but it was better like this because Luke never loved him anyways so it didn't matter, it never had.

A day earlier - Thursday 9:00:

Ashton couldn't sleep last night. He couldn't get rid of the feeling he had that something was off. He dismissed if, however, knowing it was probably because he was hiding things from Luke. He tried to reassure himself that it would all be fine because he planned on telling Luke everything soon.

He was going to tell him exactly what happened nine years ago, the reason he has so much trouble trusting anyone. He was going to tell him about Brandon and his meeting with him and why it was so important. He was also going to tell him he was going home tomorrow but not why he was going. He would tell Luke why he'd left if he was assured he was getting his sight back. He couldn't get Luke's hopes up like that for nothing.

Ashton lay in bed, desperately trying to occupy his mind with reading but his mind whirled with so many thoughts he couldn't pause long enough to grasp anything solid. He could feel a headache forming and he groaned, throwing his book to the side.

Things with Luke were so shaky and unsteady he couldn't help but feel like the slightest blunder would send them tipping over the edge. He loved Luke so much that he felt as though he was overthinking everything, so afraid of making a single mistake.

Growing up and learning about your soulmate made him certain that he knew everything there was to know about the connection shared but it was nothing compared to experiencing it for real. It physically hurt to be away from Luke, but being in his presence was almost like he'd been drowning but Luke had pulled him from the depths, extracting the water from his lungs and allowing him to breathe again.

Luke was everything he wanted and everything he needed.

Maybe that's why he was so on edge today. The day had barely begun but he already felt completely bombarded with thoughts of something going wrong. He didn't know why but it was all he could think about. So he was more than glad when Calum showed up at his dorm, asking if he wanted to set up for the party later.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Where have you been?" Calum said lightly as they drove to where the party would be held tonight.

"Just- a lot going on," Ashton mumbled, opting to not lie but not tell the truth either.

"You know you can always talk to me, right? Mikey too of course. We're always here to listen, we're your friends after all," he reminded Ashton gently. "You know who else you have?" He asked but responded before Ashton could even think about it. "You have Luke who loves you completely. You need to start letting him in. The poor guy is going out of his mind," Calum chuckled sadly.

"I know. I spoke to him yesterday. I know I'm not the most trusting person but I promised him I'd tell him everything soon. I just need to sort some things out first," Ashton assured, breathing in shakily.

"Luke loves you, Ash. Tell him in your own time when you're ready but know that he does love you wholeheartedly."

With those words, Ashton nodded again and was deep in thought the rest of the drive there.

"So what exactly am I supposed to be helping with?" Ashton pouted because Calum had brought him all the way here but so far he'd just found himself sitting on the couch while everyone else set up. He wanted to help but they weren't giving him anything to help with and it was frustrating.

"Uh, I'll let you know when I find something for you to do," Calum assured and Ashton just sighed, nodding dejectedly.

"Ash?" He heard a familiar voice call out when the door further away behind him opened and then slammed shut. He turned in the direction of the voice and smiled a little timidly.

"Hey Lukey," Ashton said as he felt the couch beside him dip.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, arm snaking around Ashton's waist and pulling them closer together before planting a kiss on his temple. Ashton immediately leaned into the touch, sighing contentedly.

"Calum brought me here to help set up but he wont let me do anything," Ashton said, pouting again. Luke chuckled softly, his lips still pressed to Ashton's temple but now softly trailing up towards his hair.

"Why don't you help me with the job Calum gave me?" Luke whispered softly and Ashton shivered slightly at the sound of Luke's voice but nodded eagerly in return.

"What are we doing?" Ashton asked, happy to finally have something to do. The fact that it was with Luke made it better. He was tired of avoiding Luke and grateful they had both agreed that they'd talk things over properly when Ashton was ready to tell him.

"I'm supposed to be setting up the balloons. I've already filled them with helium so we just need to hang them up. That okay?"

"Yeah," Ashton nodded, smiling softly. Luke detached himself from Ashton before taking Ashton's hand in his own and leading them further into the house.

"Just stay here a second while I go get the balloons, alright?" Ashton nodded again and in no time Luke was back with what he could hear was the slight squeak of the balloons.

"Okay, I've placed them on the floor next to you so try not to step on them. There's more but I'll get those once we're done with these ones. So I'll use the stool to hang them up and you just hand them to me, alright?" Luke asked.

"Okay, that's fine," Ashton said.

Ashton knelt down feeling for where the balloons where and smiled triumphantly when he located them. He grabbed one gently before lifting his hand up to give it to Luke.

"More to the right, baby," Luke chuckled and Ashton flushed slightly before moving his hand more to the right for Luke to reach.

Ashton knew they were going slow but Luke didn't seem to mind and Ashton was grateful. He was enjoying spending time with Luke even if he did feel guilty about tomorrow. He knew he needed to tell him even if he couldn't tell him why he was leaving.

"Lukey?" Ashton asked as he handed him another balloon.

"Yeah, baby?" Luke said, gently tugging the balloon from Ashton's grasp. Ashton shuffled on his feet nervously but before he could even utter a word, he felt himself step on something. He heard the squeak of rubber as something prevented him from placing his foot firmly on the ground and suddenly there was a loud pop from beneath his foot.

Ashton screamed and stumbled back. He felt the back of his leg hit something and he fell backwards onto the ground. He winced at the hard impact on his back and head as he lay there.

"Fuck! Ash, are you okay?" Luke said, panicked. He heard Luke rushing towards him before he felt Luke's hand gently brush his hair from his forehead and another hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine," Ashton said, managing a weak chuckle. "Uh, what did I step on?" He asked as he sat up, wincing slightly.

"You stepped on a balloon, Ash," Luke said, laughing exasperatedly.

"Oops?"

Luke laughed again, louder before helping Ashton up and pecking him on the lips softly. "Still up for helping with the rest of the balloons?"

"Yup," Ashton said, popping the 'p'. Luke kissed Ashton on the nose, making him giggle before continuing with the balloons.

Thursday 18:00:

"Am I dropping you off?" Luke asked and Ashton nodded gratefully knowing Michael and Calum were probably both too stressed with the party (okay, probably only Calum was stressed) to think about dropping him off.

Luke guided Ashton to the car, opening the door for him and helping him in before getting in himself.

"Are we going to the party together?"

Ashton almost groaned aloud when he remembered that he needed to meet Brandon first before the party. He wished Luke remembered because he really didn't feel like reminding him.

"Uh, I have something to do first, remember? I told you I'd meet you there?" Ashton said, tone questioning as he swallowing lightly. He heard Luke sigh beside him and felt terrible but he knew this had to be done and then he'd be able to tell Luke.

"You're not going to tell me what you're doing, are you?" He murmured and Ashton felt like the worst boyfriend and soulmate to exist.

"I promised I'd tell you everything, Lukey. I just need to figure it out for myself first before I can begin explaining it to you though," Ashton said. He reached out for Luke, fumbling slightly before he placed his hand on his thigh, giving him a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"Okay. It starts at eight by the way."

"Isn't that a little early for a party?" He didn't know much about parties, only having been to one in his entire life (besides the birthday parties Michael held when they were kids which probably didn't really count).

"Yeah," Luke laughed, "Michael tried to tell Calum but Cal wouldn't listen. By the way, I'm sure the hand on my thigh is supposed to be a reassuring gesture but it's honestly just turning me on at this point because it's super close to my dick. Like literally less than an inch from my dick."

Ashton pulled his hand away from Luke as though he'd been burned, accidently hitting it full force on what he presumed to be the steering wheel. He winced, cradling his hand slightly as his face flushed a furious crimson.

"S-sorry," Ashton stuttered but Luke just laughed loudly.

"Is your hand okay?" Luke asked, still laughing.

"I think so," Ashton murmured, but smiling due to Luke's laugh. It hurt a lot and he knew it was probably going to bruise but he didn't care because when Luke laughed like that it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

He felt Luke's hand grasp his own throbbing one, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb. He winced slightly when Luke accidently pressed too hard but Luke just apologised and kissed his hand before continuing the comforting motion. Luke was still chuckling softly but he really couldn't find it in himself to be bothered.

Thursday 20:00:

It was safe to say that Ashton was officially stressing. He was already dressed for the party and had already packed for tomorrow while waiting in his dorm for Brandon to pick them up. He knew he was going to be late because Brandon was late and he knew it would upset Luke. He also didn't think it was very nice of of him to show up to Michael and Calum's anniversary party late and he felt like a horrible person, friend and boyfriend.

When he heard a knock on the door he sighed in relief. He hurried to answer the door and was glad it was actually Brandon.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to talk to the professor about something," he said, sounding a little timid. Ashton nodded impatiently, already locking the door behind him.

"It's fine. We have to hurry though I have some place to be," Ashton said, annoyed. He knew he sounded a little rude but he honestly couldn't care less because his friends and Luke were waiting for him and that was much more important than Brandon's excuses.

"Uh, okay then. Do you need any help?" Brandon asked and Ashton just nodded before Brandon linked their arms together to take them to wherever the hell they were going.

Thursday 20:30:

Ashton bit his lip nervously, his leg bouncing up and down as he heard Brandon tell the waitress his order. He didn't order anything himself because he was going to be late as it is so Brandon better tell the damn story fast and eat like his life depends on it because he honestly needs to leave as soon as possible.

"So where do you have to be anyways?" Brandon asked casually once the waitress had left. Ashton at this point wanted to slap Brandon because honestly why wasn't he getting to the point yet? Did he look like he was in the mood for small talk?

"My friends have an anniversary party that's starting now. My boyfriend and them are waiting for me so I'd appreciate it if you could tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me."

He heard Brandon swallow nervously and he wanted to throttle him because he still wasn't damn talking.

"Right, sorry."

"Just tell me, Brandon," Ashton breathed, trying to remain calm.

"Okay so-"

"Here's your beer, sir. Your meal will be here shortly," the waitress said suddenly to Brandon and Ashton gritted his teeth to stop from screaming at everyone.

"Thanks," Brandon murmured.

"Are you sure I can't get you anything, sir?" The waitress asked Ashton and he reminded himself calmly that she was simply doing her job.

"I'm fine, thank you," Ashton replied lightly, his heart beating furiously in his chest.

"Right so as I was saying," Brandon continued as though he'd been halfway through his story before he was interrupted. "I know you hate me and you have every right to. Rick and I were horrible to you. We were terrible friends and we used your trust in us against you. I can't express to you how horrible I feel about that.

I knew Rick went too far though when he asked you to go into the room. I was freaking out but then you said you wouldn't go in and I'd never felt more relieved in my life. I never thought for a second that Rick would shove you in there.

I screamed at Rick to open the door but he wouldn't so I just shoved him out of the way and tried to open it myself but it didn't work. I looked back at Rick and saw that he was panicking but just when I was about to ask him to help me find a way to open the damned door he just took off running.

I couldn't believe he would do that but I didn't have time to think about it because I had to get you out. I heard you scream from inside and I was freaking out but I heard the firefighters so I hoped you would be okay." Brandon took a deep breath, voice shaky.

"Here's your food, sir," the waitress said. "Enjoy your meal."

"Thanks," Brandon mumbled before Ashton heard the waitress leaving. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket but he ignored it. He would talk to Luke at the party.

"So anyways, I fully intended to tell everyone what Rick had done. Rick had been my best friend since we were little but I couldn't stand for what he'd done. It wasn't right and I'd never be able to look at him or myself the same way. I think Rick knew I planned on confirming your story so he made sure I wouldn't.

My mom had recently got a job offer a few towns over and we'd been planning to move there for a while. My mom was super excited because ever since my dad left a few years prior she'd been working three jobs just to keep us going. It was really hard for us but I didn't care about myself, I cared about my mom and how exhausted she was everyday.

I felt terrible about the school fees and the textbooks and the lunch money and all the shit she had to pay for me, so when she finally got offered her dream job a few towns over I didn't care that we would be leaving soon. All I cared about was that my mom would be happy working a job she loved that paid well and was decent hours.

The problem was that Rick's dad owned the business which meant he would be my mom's boss. At the time it wasn't a problem because Rick had specifically asked his dad to get my mom a job because he knew how hard it was for us so I was grateful. When Rick knew that I was planning on exposing what he'd done and backing up your story, he told me that he'd make sure his dad fired my mom or at least make her life a living hell.

My mom had already quit her previous jobs so if she'd lost that one I don't know what we would've done. My mom had been so unhappy for so long ever since my dad left that I couldn't bare the thought of things being worse than they already were. Whether Rick's dad fired her or made her life miserable at work, I couldn't live with either of those.

So I told everyone you lied. It was the most horrible thing I've ever done and I hate myself for doing that but I didn't know what else to do. I was only twelve at the time and I felt trapped between doing what was right for you or helping my mom.

We left shortly after and I never saw Rick again either. My mom got the job and she'd never been happier. I always thought about you though. I promised myself that if I ever saw you again I'd explain myself and try make things right. I would never ask you to forgive me because I made your life hell but I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am."

Ashton sat frozen, trying to process Brandon's words. His breath was shaky and his eyes welled with tears. He always assumed Brandon made up that lie because he didn't care about Ashton but it wasn't true. He was protecting his mom. He still felt angry at Brandon but not like before. He felt relieved, like a huge weight off his shoulders, to know the truth.

"Thank you- for tell me," Ashton whispered, clearing his throat. "I- I guess I understand why you did everything I just wish things were different," he mumbled.

"So do I. I wish I'd told someone what Rick had said to me instead of succumbing to his blackmail. I should've done more. I'm so sorry, Ashton. You didn't deserve any of that."

Ashton felt like maybe he could finally move on from that day now that he understood it a little better. Maybe Brandon hadn't been a good friend but he was being a good son and Ashton could understand that, maybe even forgive that.

Thursday 22:00:

Ashton was late. So very very late. He felt bad for Brandon and decided to invite him to the party. He wouldn't have if he knew Brandon still needed to go to his dorm and get ready after spending forever and a day finishing his meal.

He almost cried in relief when the car pulled up and Brandon announced they were there. His phone had been ringing so much earlier but had stopped now. He hadn't answered because he thought it was best to just tell Luke in person what happened, so instead he opted to send him a quick text before he saw him. He told him he was almost there and he'd explain then. He also told him he loved him. He tried not to think too much about the fact that Luke didn't respond considering he hadn't answered Luke's calls either.

"Are you sure I'm allowed to be here?" Brandon asked nervously as he led them to the door. The sound of music was incredibly loud but not unbearably so. He could hear the loud chatter of people but it didn't sound like as many people as there had been at Brad's party for which he was grateful.

"I'm tired of holding a grudge against you, Brandon. I just want to finally move on and I think this could do that. We won't ever be friends but I don't hate you. Don't worry, the guys won't mind."

He heard Brandon open the door and they were immediately hit with the full blast of music. He could smell sweat and alcohol but it definitely wasn't as intense as Brad's party.

He heard Brandon close the door behind them before leading them further in. He had a feeling that Brandon felt uncomfortable being here but he didn't say anything. Their arms were still linked as he led them, clearly not wanting Ashton or himself to get lost in the crowd.

"Well well well, look who finally decided to show up. And who's this you're with?" A drunken voice slurred from behind them. Brandon turned them around and Ashton gulped a littler nervously.

"Lukey?" Ashton asked even though he knew it was him, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

"You know, I didn't even think you were coming anymore. You missed Michael and Calum's speech too but you probably don't really care since you've just been with your buddy over there, haven't you?" Luke laughed bitterly and Ashton felt like he wanted to cry.

"I'm sorry I'm late but I promised that I'd come and I'm here now. I can explain-"

"Whatever Ashton, do what you want. I'm tired," Luke muttered before Ashton heard him walk off. He felt like his heart fell to the bottom of his stomach, like he would be sick.

"Ashy! You made it! Luke was looking everywhere for you," Michael said before he felt an arm sling around his shoulder. "Who's this?"

"That's Brandon. We used to go to school together, remember?" Ashton mumbled.

"Yeah I think I remember you. I'm Michael," he heard him say to Brandon.

"I'm really sorry I'm late-"

"It's cool, Ash. You're here now. So how about a drink? Everyone at this party is reliable so you don't have to worry about what happened at the last party happening here," he assured. Ashton was tempted to say no but he also wanted to get rid of the horrible ache in his chest and thoughts of Luke. He honestly felt like he could burst out crying at any moment but now wasn't the time for that.

So he opted for a drink. Then another. And another. And another. Until he felt light and sluggish at the same time, like his body wasn't his own. He'd never been drunk before, the last party surely didn't count since he only had one drink and that was spiked.

He didn't know if he liked the feeling. Sure he wasn't really thinking about Luke which had been the goal, simply revealing in the odd feeling of being completely wasted, so that was something good at the very least.

He didn't know where anyone was anymore. He'd talked to Calum but that was a while ago. He didn't know where Michael was and Brandon had disappeared. He hadn't talked to Luke since he got here and he knew Luke was avoiding him. He felt a slight pang in his chest but it was muffled and numbed by the alcohol coursing through his veins.

He sat on the couch feeling so incredibly tired he could sleep at any moment. He didn't understand how people were still dancing and seemingly enjoying themselves. Maybe he was just a sleepy drunk. All in all, the couch seemed like a pretty good place to sleep as his head began to feel heavier with the plead for unconsciousness.

"Ash," a slurred voice called from further away. His heart leapt in his chest at the sound of Luke's voice but before he could respond he felt lips smash against his own. He was confused as Luke's voice seemed further away and there didn't seem like enough time for him to get to where Ashton was so fast, but he knew he was drunk and clearly not thinking right so he forgot about it.

He let Luke's mouth move against his own but it didn't feel right. He didn't want to upset Luke after everything today but something felt off with the kiss, something missing, so he gently pushed away.

"Not now, Lukey," Ashton mumbled. He leaned back against the couch and before he knew it he completely passed out. He was too far gone, consumed in sleep and alcohol to notice the feeling of disbelief, betrayal and hurt Luke felt through the bond.

Friday 10:00:

Ashton awoke to the feeling of his head pounding. His body hurt, an obvious creak in his neck and his mouth felt dry, like sandpaper. A wave a nauseous washed over him but he just breathed deeply, urging the feeling away.

The feeling of his phone vibrating in his back pocket made him realise what had woken him up and he fumbled for the phone, groaning at the pain in his head. He was clearly hangover and he didn't understand why people bothered to drink if it felt like this when they woke up.

"Hello," Ashton answered, voice hoarse and groggy.

"Hi, Ash. Did you just wake up?" He heard his mom answer and he sat up, rubbing at his eyes furiously.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat.

"Okay well I just called to let you know that it's about ten o'clock now so I'll be there in about an hour and come to your dorm to help you, okay?" She asked.

"Yeah okay. Talk to you soon, mom. Love you," Ashton murmured, hoping the pain in his head would subside.

"Love you too," she said before hanging up. Ashton sighed and placed his phone back in his pocket. He couldn't remember much of last night. He remembered Luke being upset and drunk when he arrived late. He remembered drinking far more than he should've just to forget for a little while and ignore the hurt feeling through the bond.

He supposes it must've worked since nothing else was coherent enough to remember. Ashton felt around and came to the conclusion that he was on a couch but he couldn't remember getting there.

"Ashton, there you are! Did you fall asleep on the couch?" He heard Calum's voice. Ashton winced at how loud it was, pouting at the sharp throb in his head and the dry feeling in his mouth.

"Yeah, I think I had too much to drink," Ashton croaked. He just wanted to sleep but he needed to get to his dorm before his mom so that he wouldn't leave her waiting.

"You haven't heard anything about Luke, have you?" Calum asked. Ashton's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the slight panic coming from Calum.

"Ah, no?" He asked confusedly, hoping Calum would elaborate.

"I-I'm sure it's nothing. Michael and I are going out to get coffee but we'll be back in a few to drop you off at your dorm. You look like you could use more sleep," he chuckled weakly. "Just wait here, okay?"

Ashton nodded as he heard Calum head off and the door slam. He realised he hadn't told Calum and Michael he was leaving yet either and groaned at the sudden awareness. He also needed to speak with Luke before he left to tell him about leaving and to ask what the hell Calum was going on about. It was all too much for his hung over mind and he desperately craved sleep.

He focused on Luke's emotions and noticed he was feeling upset and angry but also guilty. The emotions weren't strong, muted slightly by the effects of the hangover which seemed to be the only thing he could focus on. He instantly vowed he'd never drink again, not seeing how any of this was worth it.

Ashton was surprised when he heard the door open so soon but flinched at the bang it made as it slammed shut.

"You're still here then."

The words were innocent enough but that together with the cold and almost hostile tone of the words were enough to make his breath hitch. But what made it far worse was that Luke was the one saying it to him like that. He could feel Luke's emotions more clear now than ever, a burst of anger that had Ashton flinching.

"Luke, are you okay?" Ashton whispered timidly but winced again at the way Luke laughed. It was cold and emotionless and nothing like the laugh Ashton loved so much.

"I don't know, Ashton. I probably would've been better if you weren't parading around the fucking campus like some slut," he hissed and Ashton felt like he'd been slapped. The words stung worse than anything physical ever could and he didn't understand at all why Luke was acting like this.

"Why are you saying that to me? What are you talking about?" Ashton said, voice on the edge of desperation.

"Was anything about you honest or was this whole innocent act fake? Because I honestly felt like I wasn't good enough for you. You made it seem like it was the other way around, like you believed you were the one who wasn't good enough for me. I'd think to myself why someone so sweet and beautiful like you would ever for a second believe that about themselves. It was probably because you were going around behind my back the entire time, wasn't it?"

Luke sounded almost hysterical and Ashton was frozen on the spot. He didn't understand a word of what Luke was insinuating and his eyes were burning with the tears that threatened to fall.

"Or maybe it just started when that bastard showed up. You started avoiding me and I thought maybe it was something I did but you'd never tell me anything. I was always left wondering what the actual fuck was even going on. Every time you avoided me I could feel your guilt and I always thought it was maybe because you felt guilty that you had work to do or some shit and couldn't hang out with me.

I was honestly that pathetic and all the while you were probably laughing, weren't you? Or maybe not since you actually had the decency to feel guilty. You come late to the party to top it all off, which wouldn't have been a problem except that you had to come with him, didn't you? After going on a nice fucking date with the guy you decide to parade him in my fucking face."

Ashton felt relieved for a second because he understood what Luke was getting at but he'd never been further from the truth. He'd never cheat on Luke with Brandon. If he could just explain it all he knew they'd be okay. Maybe even after awhile laugh it off.

"Luke-"

"Shut up, Ashton. Just. Shut. Up," he snarled. Ashton felt like he could barely breathe. His chest felt tight and his tears, no longer controllable, fell down mercilessly.

"L-Luke I know you're upset but-"

Luke laughed again, a harsh sound that was bitter and unforgiving. "Upset? No, I'm not upset, Ashton. Sure it hurt a little at first until I realised I was just being hypocritical."

"W-what are you talking about?" Ashton whispered, almost afraid to know what he was talking about.

"It doesn't even matter. You think I'm upset? You think I care? I don't give a shit, Ashton! I don't give a fuck because have you ever thought that maybe I'm doing the exact same thing to you? Because I am. Sure I was surprised you had the guts to actually go through with something like this, didn't think you had it in you, but I guess it's for the best really.

You don't have to feel guilty anymore about being with whoever the fuck that guy is and I don't have to feel guilty about Arzaylea anymore. I guess we both knew this was never going to work out in the end." Luke sounded breathless in the end, defeated almost, but Ashton couldn't feel anything except unbelievably numb. He couldn't feel his own emotions, let alone Luke's.

His mind was scrambled, desperately trying to make sense of the torrent of emotion that was too much. It swirled around, desperately demanding to be felt but he was in shock, too dazed with what he'd just been told to feel anything at all.

He was no longer crying, his face a mask of complete shock as he faced the direction Luke was in. He could still hear him, heavy breathing and seeming lost himself. It seemed like years before he found his voice, enough of it to form one almost incoherent sentence.

"You- you and Arzaylea?" his voice broke, sounding strained. He barely even recognised himself.

"Yeah," Luke whispered. He sounded small and vulnerable but he couldn't process much else. A small, almost miniscule part of him wanted to defend himself, to tell Luke that he hadn't even done anything. It was all a misunderstanding, but he couldn't bring himself to say it because it didn't even matter anymore, not when Luke had just so blatantly told Ashton he'd been with Arzaylea the entire time, that their entire relationship didn't matter.

That Ashton didn't matter.

He barely heard the sound of the door opening but suddenly someone was there shaking him.

"Ashton, what's wrong? Ashton?" The voice - Michael - sounded panicked and on edge. "What did you do to him?" He shouted. He couldn't bare to hear Luke's response, he just wanted to leave.

"Can you take me back?" Ashton mumbled, making Michael stop.

"O-okay but Ash-"

"I need to go home. My mom is waiting for me." He almost flinched at how emotionless his own voice sounded but couldn't even bring himself to do that.

Without another word, Michael linked his arm with Ashton's and guided him out. Luke didn't say a word and he was glad. There was nothing else he could ever say.

He was silent the rest of the drive despite both Calum and Michael begging him to say what was wrong. He didn't know what to say or how to say it because everything had happened so suddenly.

He never told Michael and Calum that he'd be gone for a while but he was still in shock, too numb to care. He knew eventually he would care and that all these emotions would come tumbling down, but for now he was grateful because he didn't want to feel anything.

Friday 11:30:

"Ashton, tell me what happened," he heard his mom urge, pleading from where she was seated in the driver's seat on their way home. With what little sense he could muster, he could feel that she was worried, could hear it in her voice but he felt numb.

His breathing was uneven, breath stuttering as his hands where clenched at his side, gripping tightly onto the leather seats. It was confusing because everything hurt but at the same time he felt like he couldn't feel a thing. His heart felt as though it were physically broken, heavy in his chest with the weight of his misery.

He never imagined it would hurt this bad. Luke's words ran through his mind on repeat and it felt like someone had stabbed him. His soulmate; the one person destined above all else in the entire universe to be with him threw him away like he didn't even matter. He turned over the events in his head, trying to make sense of it all but it was simple really; Luke never cared about him.

He trusted him, more than he'd ever been able to trust anyone since he was nine, and it never mattered to him because he didn't care. He could still hear the words, could hear him saying how he basically never cared because Ashton never mattered.

He would never see Luke again because he would never go back, the thought of ever being in the same area as Luke felt like a knife twisting in his chest. He could never go back but it was for the best. He'd never felt so painfully alone, it was almost as though he could feel the ghost of Luke's touch but it stung to think about it. It wasn't comforting or warm, but like a sharp throb.

"Ashton, you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong," his mom almost demanded but he felt lost, empty. His other half was gone, ripped away from him. How could you survive without your other half?

"I can't feel him anymore," Ashton whispered, voice thick with tears that wouldn't come.

"What?" His mom whispered, confused.

"I- I can't feel his emotions anymore," Ashton murmured, finally placing the strange numbness and empty feeling in his chest. He couldn't feel Luke's emotions or even his presence. Everything was wrong, he felt wrong, but at the same time it held a sense of finality.

It was better this way. Luke didn't know he was gone, they never said goodbye but it was better like this because Luke never loved him anyways so it didn't matter, it never had.

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