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Dedication: selenaforever22

So shit is going to be going down in the next chapter and this chapter is building up to it. Just thought I'd prepare you guys, lol.

6 more exams to go until I can update as much as possible (if I'm not too lazy)!

We're at 800 reads and I'm super happy so thanks to everyone who's read and still doing so it means a lot!

I have 2 other Lashton stories coming at the end of November/early December if you'd like to check them out!

Don't forget to point out any spelling or grammatical errors you notice so I can fix them!

If you enjoy please vote and/or comment because it really makes my day! :) - Vanessa

***

Ashton groaned when he heard impatient knocking on the door. He was still in bed and he was confused as to why his alarm didn't go off.

"Brad?" Ashton called out groggily but realised Brad probably wasn't in the room if he didn't reply. It must be late if Brad was already gone and he hated sleeping in.

The insistent knocking continued and Ashton groaned again, burying his face in the pillow hoping whoever it was would go away.

"Ashy, are you in there?" Michael called from the other side of the door and Ashton rubbed at his eyes, feeling incredibly exhausted. It had taken him so long to fall asleep last night and he hated going through the day tired. He was just glad it was a Saturday.

"Coming!" Ashton called, voice thick with sleep. Ashton pulled the duvet off of himself, stumbling out of bed. He squeaked in surprise as he tripped, falling face first on the floor with a thump.

"You okay, Ash?" Michael asked, sounding as though he was close to laughing. Ashton grumbled in annoyance because Michael always found everything funny even if it wasn't. How Michael knew he fell was beyond him, maybe he heard the thump, but Ashton just hoisted himself up and made his way to the door more cautiously this time.

"Were you asleep?" Michael asked in surprise when Ashton opened the door. He felt Michael pet his hair and he grimaced a bit at the thought of his own appearance.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep last night," Ashton said, clearing his throat.

"Well get ready, will you? Luke decided to be blind today and it's fucking hilarious. He's with Calum and we've been laughing for a solid hour," Michael said, clearly amused.

"He really decided to do that?" Ashton groaned, rubbing his face and trying to fix his hair.

"You knew about it?"

"Yeah. He said he was doing it to 'understand the way I have it' better or something like that."

"You're not offended by it, are you?" Michael asked, probably sensing some of Ashton's annoyance.

"No," he said truthfully. "I just think he's putting himself through unnecessary things for me. It just seems silly but I'm not offended."

"Maybe it's his way of showing you how much he appreciates you. He wants to understand everything about you and not take things for granted. Luke comes up with stupid ideas a lot of the time, I mean he isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, but he means well. Plus, it's hilarious," Michael laughed out again.

Ashton nodded, understanding to a certain extend where Luke was coming from and agreed with Michael to go and meet up with Calum and Luke. After taking a shower and getting ready, Michael patiently waiting in the dorm, he was ready to go.

"So how are things with you and Luke?" Michael asked as they walked, arms linked. Ashton thought about it for a moment and he honestly thought they weren't doing bad at all considering his initial fears.

"We're doing good, I think. We have small fights I guess but I mean who doesn't? I'm really glad I decided to give it a go," Ashton said, a small smile making its way on to his his face at the thought of Luke.

"That's good. I just hope Luke doesn't mess it up," Michael muttered making Ashton frown.

"Why do you and Calum always assume Luke will mess it up? He's trying really hard and you guys don't give him any credit for that," Ashton grumbled, feeling defensive. He usually would just agree with whatever the person said to avoid confrontation but when it came to Luke he automatically became defensive.

"Even Luke knows he messes up a lot, Ash. It's hardly news," Michael said, sounding as though he was smiling slightly.

"Well maybe the reason he keeps messing up is because everyone expects him to. Can everyone just stop waiting for Luke to mess up? I'm just as capable of it as he is."

"Damn Ashy," Michael said, laughing lightly. "Okay okay, Calum and I will try to have more hope in Luke but we have known him for years you know," he pointed out. "But we'll stop. I love seeing how defensive you are of him, it's cute."

Ashton cleared his throat, blushing at Michael's words. "Well, I do love him," he said softly.

"Aw, you told him you love him?" Michael asked excitedly and Ashton blushed crimson again, nodding slightly.

They made it to... well, Ashton doesn't exactly know where they are, but they made it there after Michael forced him to recount the entire story of when they told each other. Despite the blush on his cheeks, he couldn't keep the wide smile off of his face. Just thinking about Luke made his chest seem too full with love, it almost ached with it and he couldn't get enough of the feeling.

They were obviously in some sort of café or restaurant judging by the clatter of utensils and chatter. He couldn't miss, however, the obviously loud chatter of Calum and Luke. They seemed to be playfully arguing and the sound of Luke's voice put a smile on his face.

When he was with Luke it seemed easy to forget everything else. Nothing else mattered, not Aleisha or Arzaylea or the fact that he was so insecure it seemed he didn't even deserve someone as amazing as Luke. All that mattered was the way he sounded when he spoke and the slightly higher pitch of his laugh that he loved.

He would never say this to anyone, maybe he was afraid to admit it to himself just how much Luke meant to him after such a short amount of time, but he would gladly never see again if it meant he could listen to the sound of Luke's voice for the rest of his life. The guys sometimes tried to encourage him to speak more thinking that he was just shy, and yes he was to some extent, but he also just loved to listen to Luke.

"Ashton, Michael!" Calum called out and Ashton smiled fondly at the way Calum's voice seemed to light up at the name of his soulmate.

Michael led him further into the restaurant/café, helping him take a seat down in a booth.

"Hey baby," Luke said from beside him. Ashton smiled widely saying hello in return when he felt Luke's hand start patting his shoulder and then patting further down his arm. He frowned in confusion wondering what the hell he was doing.

"Luke?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Sorry," he laughed, "I'm searching for your hand."

"I'm pretty sure my hand wouldn't be that high up, Lukey," Ashton giggled, Luke laughing in return.

"Right, sorry," he said, finally locating his hand and lacing their fingers together.

"This looks hilarious," Michael said, laughing out loud.

After about two hours spent together with Michael, Calum and Luke, everyone agreed that it was best that Luke remove the blindfold and return the hockey stick to Calum's roommate. Perhaps Luke would've argued further if he hadn't caused both Ashton and himself to trip. Ashton told Luke various times that he was fine, despite the slight scrapes on his palms, but Luke felt too guilty and eventually agreed that it was probably for the best.

"I don't know how you do it, baby," Luke said, his thumb rubbing circles over the scrapes on Ashton's palms.

"I've been blind for nine years now, Lukey," Ashton reminded him lightly.

"I know but I just don't think I could do it. I just felt so suffocated almost, like I couldn't do anything and you- you do everything so well. It must be so hard for you. You're definitely the strongest person I know," Luke whispered softly, the breeze ruffling Ashton's hair as they sat on a bench at the park. It was quiet and serene; calming.

"It was hard at first, I didn't know how I could live the rest of my life like this and I wasn't even sure I wanted to, but you helped me, Lukey. Every day just by being connected to made me feel like nothing else in the world mattered. It didn't matter that I couldn't see and it didn't matter that everything in my life become increasingly harder. I knew I'd be okay the moment I met you. I was always afraid that I wouldn't though."

"You were afraid you wouldn't meet me? Everyone meets their soulmate, Ash. Unless something happens to them of course," he said, frown evident in his voice.

"Exactly, and something did happen to me. I was afraid that I'd pass you on the street and never even know it was you. I always thought about that, afraid my chance to meet you had already come and I didn't know."

"I'm sorry, baby," Luke said, sounding upset that Ashton had to live with that fear constantly.

"It's okay, we're together now and that's all that matters-"

"A-Ashton?" A timid voice sounded from not too far away. Ashton frowned in confusion, facing the direction of the voice. He felt Luke straighten up beside him, his hand encasing Ashton's squeezing a little tighter.

"Ah, yes?" He asked, not recognising the voice.

"You- you're okay," he said, sounding relieved and guilty and Ashton was honestly extremely confused.

"Sorry ah, but do I know you?" He asked, not wanting to sound rude.

"It's me, it's uh it's Brandon," he whispered, almost sounding as though he hoped Ashton wouldn't hear but he did and his body stiffened at the sound of his voice. He couldn't help but feel the bubble of anger that arose within him. He could feel his hand shaking with anger and he licked his suddenly dry lips.

"Leave," Ashton gritted out and he could almost sense Luke's surprise at the hostility of his voice.

"I'm so sorry Ash-"

"No. Don't you dare," Ashton said, voice low and cold.

"Rick-"

"I said stop!" Ashton snapped and Luke flinched slightly beside him.

"Ash-"

"You need to leave," Luke hissed, sensing Ashton's discomfort and anger. Ashton was practically shaking at the thought of Brandon being right there after nine years.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before the sound of his footsteps walking away was heard.

Ashton stood up shakily, Luke immediately standing up beside him. "I want to go back to my dorm," Ashton said, voice sounding monotone and he could feel Luke's worry through the bond.

"Ashton-"

"Please, Luke," Ashton said, voice colder than he intended. Luke didn't respond, simply linked their arms together, leading them to the car.

The drive back was quiet and tense, Luke constantly asking Ashton what was wrong but he didn't respond. Ashton angled his head away from Luke, his hand clenched at his sides. He was so angry he felt as though he couldn't breathe. How dare Brandon even think about approaching him after what he did?

He knew it was his own fault, even though Rick shoved him in the room he was the one who walked closer to the door allowing him to do so. Brandon, however, told everyone that Ashton was lying. He made his life a living hell with the words he said, contradicting Ashton's entire encounter of the events.

It was like he couldn't escape the words that echoed in his head, the way everyone shouted at him saying it was his fault and he was searching for sympathy he wouldn't get and didn't deserve. He could hear the sneers and snickers, feel the way he was shoved and pushed and taunted on a daily basis. For nine years. All because the person who claimed to be his friend, claimed he could be trusted, threw all the trust Ashton had ever placed in him out the window.

By the time the car parked Ashton was livid. He didn't know he was capable of so much anger, thought he'd managed to get a better handle on it since nine years ago but here he was, shaking with an emotion he could barley control.

Luke opened the door on his side, linking their arms together and walking towards the dorm. His arm was linked immensely tight with Luke's but he didn't complain or ask anymore questions, was just quiet by his side but Ashton barely noticed.

"We're here," Luke said softly. Ashton reached into his pocked with shaky hands, breathing slightly heavier as he withdrew his arm from Luke's. He slammed the door open and stormed in, sitting on the bed and pulling at his hair as hard as he could.

"Ashton-"

He was cut off by Ashton throwing his sunglasses across the room, hearing them smash somewhere. He was fuming and he didn't know how to control it. His breathing was heavy as he returned to tugging at his hair.

"Ashton stop," Luke tried, gripping onto Ashton's wrists but he tore his hands from his grip reaching for his cane beside him and throwing it forward with all his might, hearing it smash against something in the room. He didn't know how Luke was feeling, his own emotions completely clouding everything but it didn't seem to matter at this moment.

All he could think about was every waking moment he wished he didn't exist anymore because of what Brandon and Rick did to him.

"Ashton stop!" Luke said angrily now but Ashton didn't care. He stood up, marching in the the direction of the desk. He grabbed something off of it, not caring what it was and threw it, hearing it shatter.

"Fuck," Luke said, running forward and gripping Ashton's shoulders. He could feel his eyes burning with tears. He roughly pulled away from Luke's grasp.

"Aw, is the little fuck crying? Well maybe he shouldn't have fucked up then!"

Ashton screamed, grabbing something off the desk and throwing it again.

"Who the fuck would love you? You probably started the fire didn't you?"

He sobbed, his body racking with them as he grabbed something else and threw it.

"I can't believe you would put Brandon and Rick in danger like that. You deserved everything that happened to you!"

He couldn't breathe, everything was too much so he just placed his hands on the desk, shoving everything off with a sharp swipe of his hands.

"You honestly think anyone gives a shit that you can't see? No one deserves it more than you. Can't believe he tried to get Rick and Brandon into that shit!"

"Ashton baby, stop please," Luke pleaded, voice choked with tears. Ashton just sobbed harder, tugging at his hair to rid himself of the words.

"What a fucking disappointment, I don't know how his parents can even stand to look at him. I would've thrown him out the moment I could."

"Listen to me baby, please," Luke cried. He pulled Ashton into a crushing hug. Ashton yelled, withering in Luke's grasp and punching his chest as hard as he could as he cried.

"I feel terrible for his soulmate. Imagine being tied to that."

"It's okay, just let it out on me. I'm here and I love you," Luke said. He hiccupped, struggling to breathe as his hits on Luke's chest became weaker.

"Rick and Brandon probably left because they were tired of his psycho ass. They were probably afraid he'd try pull that shit again. I would leave to."

"I love you so much, baby. You're okay," Luke whispered, grabbing Ashton's wrists to stop his feeble attacks. Ashton couldn't stop the relentless sobs, feeling as though he would break with them.

"No one can stand the guy, I don't know why he doesn't just leave everyone and get the fuck out of here and do everyone a favour."

Ashton slumped against Luke, so drained and tired he fell against his chest. Luke immediately encased him in his arms, tightening his grip. He could hear Luke sniffling as he continued to cry softly into his neck.

"You're okay now. You're okay," Luke promised him mumbling against his hair softly as he placed gentle kisses there. "I love you so much. You're okay."

"Lukey?" Ashton whispered, voice hoarse and raw from crying and screaming.

"Yeah baby?" he asked, rubbing circles on Ashton's back.

"I'm tired," Ashton mumbled, the only thing holding him up at this point was Luke's arms.

"Okay," Luke whispered. His arms moved to Ashton's waist, tightened around him and lifting him off the ground. Ashton buried his head further into Luke's neck and wrapped his legs around Luke to keep himself up. Luke carried him to the bed and placed him down softly, getting in beside him and holding him as close as he possibly could.

"Sleep now," he whispered and Ashton did.

***

Ashton awoke feeling mentally drained. He rubbed at his eyes, wincing slightly when he felt how puffy they were.

"Luke?" Ashton asked, confused when he felt the bed cold beside him and not hearing anyone else in the room. He cleared his throat, it aching from it's strained use earlier.

Before he could worry too much about where Luke had gone, his phone on the headboard began to ring. He didn't remember putting it there but maybe Luke had.

"Hello?" He answered, voice scratchy.

"Hey Ashton," his mom replied, sounding unbelievably excited. He was confused, he honestly didn't know when the last time she sounded so happy was. It quickly became concerned when she analysed Ashton's voice.

"What's wrong?" She rushed and Ashton put on a fake chuckle.

"Nothing mom, I'm just getting sick is all," he lied, hoping he was convincing. She seemed to believe him.

"I'm so sorry, Ash! Are you okay? Do you want me come visit?" She hurried but Ashton just shook his head even though she couldn't see.

"I'm fine mom, really," Ashton assured and after a few grumbled responses she seemed to accept that.

"Well I just called to tell you something," she said, her excitement returning.

"What is it?" He asked, feeling slightly nervous.

"Do you remember Dr. Matthews?" She asked and Ashton froze because of course he did. How could be forget the doctor who told him he would never see again?

"Y-yeah?" Ashton stuttered, his stomach clenching with nerves.

"He called me today, honey," she said, whispered almost, and he felt as though he couldn't breathe for some reason. "He told me that I should bring you in next week. He said there's a chance you could get your eyesight back."

And just like that Ashton's entire world seemed to freeze. He felt as though his heart stopped beating and his mind stopped working. He felt as though his limbs lost feeling and everything around him didn't exist anymore.

"Did you hear me, Ash?" She whispered but he couldn't respond, not really. "There's a chance you could see again."

His eyes filled with tears, stinging from crying earlier but he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd never been more scared in his entire life. There was nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to be let down. He didn't know how he'd be able to handle it if it turned out he couldn't actually get his sight back.

"What if it turns out I can't?" He asked, voice cracking.

"I know it's scary, Ash. You have to try though. You'll spend the rest of your life regretting this if you don't give it a go."

He knew she was right, he had to try but he didn't know if he could handle the disappointment of it not working. It would be like losing his eyesight all over again.

"Okay," he found himself saying anyways. He heard his mom sigh in relief.

"Dr. Matthews wants to see you next week Saturday so I was thinking I could pick you up on Friday. You could bring Luke I'm sure he'll be so excited!" She said, happiness radiating from her voice.

"Yeah you can pick me Friday but I don't think Luke should come," Ashton whispered.

"Why? Are you two okay?"

"Yeah we're fine, it's just best if I go alone," Ashton insisted and his mom reluctantly gave in.

After hanging up the phone he didn't know how to feel. He felt as though he would burst with joy, fear, hope and nerves all at once. He felt tired again and confused as to where Luke was but he was too tired to put much thought into it.

He lay back down, ready to go back to sleep when the door opened. He lay perfectly still, evening out his breathing so whoever entered would think he was asleep.

"Ash?" Luke asked from the door but Ashton continued his even breaths, laying perfectly still. Luke sighed from the doorway before he closed the door, walking towards the bed and getting in. He pulled Ashton to him and snuggled close, Ashton against his chest.

Luke hummed softly into Ashton's hair, kissing him there softly and Ashton felt riddled with guilt. He knew he should tell Luke, he deserved to know after all, but he just couldn't. He didn't want to get Luke's hopes up only to disappointment him when he still couldn't see. Luke would often get sad knowing that Ashton would never see again and any kind of hope would just make Luke even more upset if it didn't work out.

So while Luke slowly drifted off to sleep, Ashton lay awake knowing he should tell his soulmate but feeling like he couldn't. For Luke to get his hopes up and to lose it again would be like the moment he first met Ashton all over again. Ashton didn't think that on top of everything he could deal with Luke being disappointed again. He wouldn't be surprised if he left him.

Ashton ignored the nagging feeling to tell Luke and opted not to, it was for the best anyway and he hoped Luke would understand.

***

He was avoiding Luke. He didn't mean to and it hurt every time he did but whenever he was around Luke all he could think of was that he had to tell him. He become increasingly tempted to do so when in his presence so he opted to avoid him as best he could.

Michael and Calum seemed to be confused, often asking him what was going on but he insisted that everything was fine. What hurt the most, however, was Luke. He didn't understand what was going on and Ashton couldn't tell him. He could feel Luke was worried and confused through the bond which made it worse but he just reminded himself why he was doing it in the first place.

Ashton was sitting in Harry's dorm, the two doing homework together when his phone rang. He bit his lip, contemplating on whether or not he should answer it. He didn't know who was calling but he knew that if it was Michael, Calum or Luke he didn't want to. It could be his mom, however, saying something important about his appointment with Dr. Matthews.

"Hey Harry, who's calling?" Ashton asked, showing Harry his phone.

"It's a private number," he said, confusing Ashton.

"Hello?" He answered, assuming it was probably someone calling with the wrong number. It was silent on the other end of the line, the only sound a faint breathing and it was kind of creeping him out to be honest.

"Um, hello?" He asked again.

"I'm getting food I'll be right back," Harry said. Ashton nodded, the phone still clutched in his hand as he heard the door close. He was just about to hang up when the person finally spoke.

"A-Ashton?" The voice asked and Ashton froze. "Don't hang up, please," Brandon pleaded.

"How did you get my number?" Ashton hissed, hearing Brandon gulp through the other end.

"I-I have my ways. Please Ashton, I just want to talk," he begged.

"I don't want to talk to you Brandon, don't you get that?"

"I know you don't and I understand that but I just need a chance to explain, please? We could meet up or something," he pleaded. Ashton was about to say no, his mouth opened with the word on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't. He realised this was his one and only chance to get answers, to understand why Brandon did what he did. He realised he needed to know.

"Okay," he finally whispered, hearing Brandon sigh in relief.

"Okay well we could meet on Friday maybe?"

"I can't I have some place to be on Friday," Ashton said.

"Well I have lectures the whole of tomorrow so what about after Friday?"

"I don't know when I'll be back. I'm going home on Friday and I don't know how long I'll be there," Ashton said, voice becoming slightly annoyed. He hated Brandon if he was being honest and he didn't want to talk to him longer than necessary.

"Well what about tomorrow night then?" He asked, his voice seeming slightly nervous. Ashton agreed since tomorrow was Thursday and he just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He didn't know how long he would be away with the whole eyesight thing so tomorrow was his last chance to get the answers he needed.

He could feel his hands shaking slightly but he tried to calm his emotions. He couldn't get angry again, not like last week. He knew Harry would be more forgiving than Brad was for breaking some of his stuff but he'd feel far guiltier about it.

Ashton sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. There was honestly too much going on and he just wanted to sleep, feeling drained with the onslaught of emotions.

***

Ashton sighed, opening the door to his dorm as he came back from taking a shower, and jumping when Luke greeted him from inside. He sounded angry and upset and honestly Ashton didn't blame him. It seemed that in such a short span of time everything was collapsing and it was Ashton's fault.

"Ashton what the fuck is going on?" Luke said bluntly as Ashton closed the door. He slowly walked to his cupboard, putting his stuff away as he felt Luke's frustration through the bond. "You've been avoiding me and I just want to know what the hell is going on."

"Nothing, Luke. Really," Ashton sighed, feeling so incredibly guilty for not telling Luke about leaving on Friday.

"Ever since you saw that random dude last week you haven't been the same. Who is he?" Luke demanded.

"He used to be a friend from school," Ashton mumbled as he went to his bed, sitting down. He hoped his vague answer was enough because there was nothing more he could tell Luke. Anymore meant telling him the whole story and he couldn't, not when there was a chance Luke would tell him it was his fault he was blind, blame him like everyone else did. He wouldn't be able to handle that.

"Okay, well why were you so upset then?"

"Luke, I don't want to talk about it please," Ashton begged.

"So what do you want to talk about then, Ashton? Why I've barely seen you since last week? I'm constantly fighting you for any kind of answer! I always have to demand for the simplest things that you should trust me enough to tell me as your soulmate. I feel like I'm always fighting you!" he yelled and Ashton shut his eyes tightly, because it was his fault and he knew that but he couldn't tell Luke. He didn't know what to do. If he told him he could lose him and if he didn't he could lose him anyway.

"I don't know what to tell you, Lukey," Ashton choked out.

"Tell me something, anything," he begged as he sat down beside Ashton.

"I don't want to lose you by telling you," Ashton said, lowering his head as hot tears spilled down his cheeks. Luke sighed beside him before wrapping his arms around Ashton, pulling him in for a hug.

"I just don't know what happened, Ashton. We were fine. We were doing fine just last week," he whispered, confused, making Ashton feel one hundred times worse.

"It's not your fault, Lukey. I swear. This is all me and I'm sorry I'm so messed up. I'm sorry it takes me so long to trust and I'm sorry I can't be better. I'm always afraid of losing you and it makes me do stupid things I guess," Ashton cried.

"You're not messed up, baby. You've been through a lot, I don't know what exactly but I know it was enough that it makes you feel afraid of losing people, afraid to trust them. I promise I'm not going anywhere and I swear you can trust me though."

"I can't tell you now, Lukey but I promise I will. Can you just wait please?" He begged because he first needed to know what Dr. Matthews had to say and he needed Brandon to explain himself. He heard Luke sigh softly before he felt him nod where his head was rested on top of Ashton's head.

"Okay as long as you do me a favour?" Luke said, going for a light tone but sounding slightly strained.

"What?"

"Michael and Calum are throwing a huge party tomorrow for their third anniversary since being connected. I know you don't do parties but I thought since I would be there and Calum and Michael are throwing it, you would come?" He asked hopefully.

Ashton sighed in frustration when realising he was supposed to meet Brandon tomorrow night. "I-I have to be somewhere before then so how about I meet you there?" Ashton whispered.

"Dammit Ashton where are you going?" Luke asked, getting angry again. He tried to pull away from their embrace but Ashton only held on tighter.

"I swear I'll tell you everything Lukey. I promise I'll tell you everything just give me time," Ashton begged as Luke relaxed again.

"Fine, but you promise you'll be there right?"

"I promise I'll be there and I promise I'll explain everything," Ashton mumbled. He still had to tell Luke he was leaving on Friday but he didn't want to do it now. He was already upset and he knew it would just make him angrier. So he held on to Luke tighter and hoped that everything would be okay.

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