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‘So…’

 

 

I said clearing mythroat.

 

 

This left him scuffling in the bench we were sitting on.

 

 

After we saw each other on the parking lot, I found myself giving in to his invitation to sit for a while and talk…about you know what.

 

 

‘How are you?’

 

 

By the astonishment that his green orbs held while staring at me, I guess that’s not what he was expecting to hear.

 

 

I stared back at him letting my expression tell him it’s okay to talk.

 

 

‘Uhh..well…I-I…’

 

 

He stuttered dumbly.

 

 

I know this might be weird, but he was adorable like that.

 

 

‘Harry…’

 

 

I whispered to him and immediately we were staring back at each other again.

 

 

‘Calm down…it’s okay…’

 

 

I never expected my voice to be that calm and reassuring but I think it helped him to breathe.

 

 

He sighed audibly letting out his nerves.

 

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

 

Was all he said with so much sincerity it moved me from my seat.

 

 

The magnitude of his words was so evident of regret, self-loathing and apology that it made sympathy unavoidable.

 

 

He looked away refusing to look into my eyes as I felt his emotions welling up.

 

 

I’ve never seen a man, a someone like him who was, as I recall, so cocky, so confident, so superior, be in this state.

 

 

And it was hard not taking his hand in mine.

 

 

I found my other hand caressing his back, as if he was a child being pampered by his mom after his coach didn’t pick him to play on the baseball field.

 

 

Suddenly, teardrops came dripping from his eyes.

 

 

And, for the first time, I felt sorry for him.

 

 

I know, I’ve plotted a million ways to get back to him after what he did to me… but… seeing him this broken makes all of those thoughts recede from my mind.

 

 

They seemed too cruel for a guy who looks too vulnerable to hate on.

 

 

I’m well aware of his dark deed to me, yes, he did blind me, but…after all the times I’ve thought that my heart is full of loathing towards Harry, I found out, just now, that there’s a fraction of a space that’s left in there for forgiving him.

 

 

Greg must be right… I may have to forgive him.

 

 

And, after all, hating is very very exhausting.

 

 

Trust me.

 

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

 

He whispered again amid his downpour of tears.

 

 

‘Shhhh….’

 

 

I continued on rubbing his back and holding his hand.

 

 

It seemed impossible to let go.

 

 

‘Why are you not mad? Why are you not hitting me? Why are you not punching me in the face? Why are you not hating me?’

 

 

He choked out.

 

 

‘Why are you not blinding me like I did to you? I deserve it… right?’

 

 

He looked up at me with his blood-shot eyes pleading for an answer.

 

 

I just smiled and stared back at him, shaking my head at the process.

 

 

As if I was giving a ‘no’ for an answer to his recent question.

 

 

His eyes grew wide at the reaction.

 

 

And just like that he was sobbing his face off again.

 

 

‘Why?!’

 

 

He demanded.

 

 

‘It’s just not right…’

 

 

I finally answered him.

 

 

‘What’s not right? To beat me up after I made your life a living hell? Niall, you of all people knows I deserve it! I should pay for what I did! Even my own dad says so!’

 

 

‘But you already did.’

 

 

‘That’s not enough! I need to feel more! I need to suffer more!’

 

 

‘And then what? So that I could forgive you? You think I must witness you get hurt and suffer just so I could be satisfied and be even with you?’

 

 

He went silent.

 

 

‘Harry, the moment I heard you’re apology today, I already gave you what you’re asking me… my forgiveness. Isn’t that what you’re looking for?’

 

 

I asked.

 

 

He slowly nodded.

 

 

‘To be honest, I’m kinda tired, you know. I’m kinda tired of hating. On you.On the world.On everybody and everything. It’s kinda exhausting and after all those times I thought it would make everything fairer and right, in the end, it doesn’t. In fact, all it gave me was more pain to suffer. So, eventually, I just have to let it go. Plus, there’s too much things I’m preoccupied with at this moment as this being my first day out of the hospital, you know. I’m kinda hoping I spoil my eyes for a bit, in the most positive ways I could think of. And I think pouring all my hate on you is not of a good start.’

 

 

I confessed and I can hear his cries stopping, evolving into slow, silent breathing.

 

 

He stared at me for a while and silence he offered urged me to continue.

 

 

‘And if I hate you or want to hurt you, I wouldn’t even be here talking to you now and holding your hand and telling you not to cry. If I did want to make you suffer, I would’ve run you over with my brother’s car before we even sat here.’

 

 

This caused him to sniff back and produce a smile.

 

 

‘So… you’re really not mad at me?’

 

 

He asked like a child asking his Dad if it’s okay he crashed his car.

 

 

I breathed out exasperatedly as if it wasn’t obvious.

 

 

‘Uh…duh!’

 

 

I punched his shoulder playfully.

 

 

He laughed.

 

 

‘Now I could finally sleep well tonight.’

 

 

‘Because I already forgive you?’

 

 

‘Well, yeah. But, no.’

 

 

‘Huh? Why is that, then?’

 

 

He chuckled and said:

 

 

‘Coz, you just punched me.’

 

 

He laughed wholeheartedly as if he got what he wanted in the first place… I joined his laughter shaking my head.

 

 

By that instant, I found out, as unexpected as it may be… Harry and I could make good friends.

 

 

‘You really are something, you know that?’

 

 

He said without looking at me.

 

 

I thought, for a moment, I’ve heard that line before.

 

 

‘Zayn’s right… Zayn’s right, after all.’

 

 

He suddenly said looking his sight to mine.

 

 

Just by the sound of that name, my heart hopelessly hammered inside my chest as if it was the only thing it must do.

 

 

‘What?’

 

 

I asked all of a sudden.

 

 

‘Well, Zayn told me you were one of a kind… and well, he was right yet again.’

 

 

I forgot about Zayn, his friendship with Harry, and my heart he broke carelessly.

 

 

All this time, the past year, I forgot about him.

 

 

Where is he now?

 

 

What’s he doing as of this moment?

 

 

All of a sudden, thoughts of his whereabouts flooded my mind in a swift reminder.

 

 

‘Z-Zayn?’

 

 

Harry looked at me surprised by my sudden inquiry.

 

 

‘Oh.. I forgot..’

 

 

He said as if a thought just struck his mind.

 

 

‘Yeah, Zayn..well, he told me everything about you. How you made him happy. How you made him complete. How you made him change. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t even made the confession I did at the school without his persuasion. I wouldn’t even be apologizing to you if he hadn’t made me realize how much an asshole I was… to you… to girls… to everyone. He..he made me change, Niall. You made him change. And just by that thought, just realizing how horrible we were in the past, it made feeling guilty impossible to dodge. He basically scolded me to help you out. He basically shouted in my face to admit my mistake. I had to do it. I saw my best friend change before my eyes. And it was because of you.’

 

 

I was silenced by shock at this moment.

 

 

It was too much to take in.

 

 

‘He loves you, Niall.’

 

 

This made me look into his eyes in disbelief.

 

 

‘I know it. He wouldn’t have done the things he did to make things right for me, for himself, for you, if he didn’t have an ounce of affection towards you.’

 

 

He admitted.

 

 

‘W-Where is he now?’

 

 

I found myself asking.

 

 

‘The last time we saw each other was eight months ago, when I made my confession. After that, he went away not telling anyone where he’s headed. I’ve tried contacting his family and other friends but they said they haven’t made contact to him since he came here to visit me.’

 

 

The thought of Zayn, the man who helped and destroyed me, going missing, absent, and out of reach of any interaction made a funny feeling occur inside of me.

 

 

I think I miss him.

 

 

I thought my heart was filled with everything but hate towards the people and the world which made me suffer.

 

 

But just now, I found there’s a piece, a space in there that held forgiveness towards Harry.

 

 

 And I can’t help but to feel that somewhere in my heart there’s still a room for Zayn.

 

 

Because…

 

 

Even if it’s been a year without him…

 

 

Even if the last thing he gave me was pain…

 

 

That small little room in my heart, I guess, still hopelessly loves him.

 

++++

awww i'm so proud of my Niall on this one. hehe

The pic on the side is very appropriate in this chapter, i think.

 :)

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