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Based off of the song "She's in the rain" by The Rose. I would really advise you to listen to the song and read the lyrics before or while reading.

Angst and fluff

Seungyeon X Wooseok

WARNING

This oneshot has very self deprecating parts, and even a slight mention of suicide so, please, if you feel triggered by any of those, DON'T READ

The very ending of the oneshot has a part called "bonus" which DOESN'T HAVE ANY OF THE TRIGGERING THEMES SAID ABOVE, so if you feel like it, just skip all the way to the bonus.

_________

Wooseok's POV

It felt like the world was dissolving. With every tear that went down my face, with every raindrop that insisted on soaking my clothes, making me shiver. It felt like everything was useless and hopeless. My day had lost color, just like that fog that made everything gray. My soul feels gray. Everything is gray. Just quiet, lifeless, hopeless.

I used to have that light in my eyes. That passion, determination that everyone admired. Music made me live every single emotion at its finest, acting made me be able to experience things I've never felt before through characters, stories, and composing made me able of letting go of my whole soul into sounds. And all that made me float. When I was singing, acting, playing, it felt like floating. It felt like there was nothing and everything at the same time. It felt like nothing because it felt like the universe was only me, the instrument and those feelings. And it felt like everything because those feelings were enough to fill the entire universe. But then things fell down.

"You're not good enough. Try and audition again next time"

"I told you this was going nowhere"

"Why even try? You know it's useless"

"Why do I even bother telling you good luck anymore, you're not making it"

"You should just quit these stupid dreams"

They said. Relatives, teachers, friends. They all said it. And little by little I started believing them. But still I held on, because that feeling was something I wanted to show to the world. But can I really? Am I good enough for this world?

I don't think so. But I've never learnt how to give up. How to let go. This is all I know. This love is all I know. And it never taught me how to give up.

And I walked throughout the rainy city. New melodies calling in my brain, and I ignored them. The new song would only be as bad as the ones before. Ones I would never be able to produce and launch. Ones that would never be heard, because they just weren't good enough.

The creativity pricked the tips of my fingers, telling me to write! Write those feelings, it said! Write! Sing! Dance! Those feelings are art! It said.

I answered they aren't. Because art should be beautiful. That is what I was taught. And my art doesn't seem beautiful. It seems... My art is just like me. Useless, left around to wait until someone thought it was trash and made it disappear. Maybe my soul could be left around to disappear too.

It was ironic. How I ended up in the same place that I always went to for inspiration. But this time I only wanted to end that inspiration once and for all. That same spot beside Han river. That small separated park no one went to. It was only mine, because no one thought it was beautiful enough to stay at.

And that's where I stood. Under the heavy rain, covered by the gray fog. I could just disappear right then. There would be no calls, no policemen searching for me after a desperate call from my mother. Because everyone just thought I'd be better off as gone anyway.

I could die with my art. Take it all away with me. So that it is never discovered. So that it stays there, unfound. Undiscovered. So that no one can think back on how I wasted my life with an art that was not worth been heard or seen. I'll just let it disappear.

So I stood on the edge. On the very edge. Facing the waters that oh so well reminded me of that passion. That fullness art once gave me. Until I realized I was not good enough. It would be gone soon. I would be gone with the rain, with the fog, with the water, with all those feelings, with all those sounds, with all those voices, with all those creations I once thought were great, with all those stupid dreams, with all that hopeless hope I once held onto. I will be gone. I'll disappear with my soul and everything it created.

Seungyeon's POV

The cold rain was the only comfort I had. It's numbing. So cold it numbs every single nerve. I wish it could numb my heart, numb my pains. Numb my brain and make me forget. Make me forget all those feelings, all those nights, all those fights. Just numb me and make me feel nothing. Take my soul and take my heart. I give it to you with open hands and a bleeding chest.

I put all my feelings there. My soul, my secrets, my heart. Onto one song. I made every fiber of my being into sounds and rhythm. And it suddenly isn't mine anymore. Suddenly it's being performed somewhere like someone else's work. When it's mine, and it's... me.

I don't know how it happened. How my song was suddenly registered in someone else's name. I don't know, and I honestly don't know whether I should be mad or sad. I'll just be both.

I'm frustrated. After all those nights, tears, moans and bruises. The work I've put my life into is out there being sang like I didn't want it to. And I want to be numb. Numb to all these darkness and badness in this world. Because I'm angry and frustrated and sad and hopeless and my heart feels like it's jumping, but it also feels like it has stopped completely.

My art is no longer mine. So my soul is no longer mine.

I'm a producer. I used to say it with so much pride. I'm a producer. I became a producer. But then came the questions.

"When will your song appear on the TV?"

"Won't you perform?"

"You always say you're a producer, but no one has ever heard your songs"

"I feel like you're just saying this as an excuse of doing nothing and living off your parents"

And that's when it hurt the most. I'm just some good for nothing person. Because my art is never listened to. But then, you know what? It is being listened to now. But no one knows it's mine. No one knows that's my soul.

So I can't be proud anymore. Because I became a weight. I'm a burden. A burden to the ones I love the most.

It was ironic. How I ended up in the same place that I always went to for inspiration. That same park on the end of Han river. That same short grass and clear view of the dark blue waters. No one came here though. Because the other side was prettier. But this is also pretty. It's beautiful on its own ways. Because everything has beauty, and it just happens that this place fits exactly what I believe beauty is.

And that's when I saw him. The one that was probably the most beautiful being. He was standing there, being hugged by fog, and caressed by rain. His small body seemed to shiver under the cold affection. His hair stuck to his forehead, his clothes simple and stuck to his body. His face... his face was like art. Smooth skin, the prettiest eyes I had ever seen, pink lips slightly turning purple from the cold. But then I paid attention. And he had no light in his eyes anymore.

Was he numb like me? Why is he standing there, lifelessy? I wish I could take a bit of his pain. I wish I could ease his numbness, and warm the coldness crawling on his skin. But I just kept watching.

And he took a step forward. And another. And another. And then he was standing on the very edge. Looking at the same dark waters I had been looking at earlier. The waters were the same as his eyes. Rapid but motionless at the same time. It felt like it hid a thousand secrets. And then he opened his arms. Like giving the fog, the rain and the waters his soul. And let his body fall.

I didn't even think. I ran forward and pulled him back. Holding him as closely as I could, pulling him back onto the grass, away from the river. And he was numb. Just completely numb. Until I sat down with him between my legs, trying to check whether he was okay or not. That is when his facial expression changed. It was like he had been stabbed. An expression of utmost pain. Just so so much pain. And he screamed. Trashing around and pulling his hair and screaming again. And it hurt. His pain made my heart hurt. And I was crying again. I didn't care about my pain anymore. I want to end his pain. So I held him close again. The screams diminished. The same pained expression, the cries continuing more quietly. Then I whispered.

"It's better being held than holding on, right?"

And he didn't answer. He continued crying, the rain pouring over us strong, like it wanted us to hurt. Maybe the rain was trying to numb the pain in our hearts with the cold, strong and continuous hits on our skin.

And he became numb again. Maybe the rain did its work. His eyes closed, his body becoming colder and colder. I couldn't let myself leave him there. Even though I hurt too, I want to fill the scattered him so I could see how beautiful he is. So I gathered the strength and life I still had, picked him up and took him away. Away from that cold world.

I went back to the place I thought I would never come back to. That same apartment with my small studio. I dried him, I made him warm. I wanted to be warm too, so I wouldn't make him cold again. And I waited. I waited for him to wake up. To see if that emptiness would still be in his eyes.

Just like rain had soaked my memories, and traced them again, he was the only one in my memories. I just knew this place, beside him. That's the only place my memory told me to go to.

And his eyes opened. He was dying inside. We were dying inside, in the falling rain. But I wish I could gift him the little life I had so I could fill him and show how beautiful he is.

"Do you hear me?"

He didn't answer again. Looking at me with those empty lifeless eyes.

"It's not a lie... you're right here, with me. I saw you and I... couldn't let you do that to yourself. I wanted to show you things. And now, if even after making you see those things you still want to hurt yourself... make yourself go through the pain... I'll stay with you"

"Who are you?"

He answered. I was no longer shouting into emptiness.

"My name is Cho Seungyeon. And you are?"

"I'm Kim Wooseok."

Narrator's POV

Wooseok slowly sat up from the warm, soft mattress, looking at the guy who had saved him before. Looking into his eyes was like looking at a mirror. That pain and emptiness he saw on himself, he could see on the boy right before him.

"What happened to you? You were... also there... under the rain... like me"

"Me? I'm a producer. My song was stolen and I... I was feeling worthless. Hopeless. Lifeless. I just felt like it was the end for me. And what about you?"

"I... I failed. I failed trying to be a singer, a composer, an actor, a dancer... I failed all those. I just feel worthless, hopeless and lifeless. Just like you..."

"You know... we had the same destiny. We both felt empty but... when I saw you I just... I feel like I want to build you up again. Help you and make you see how beautiful you are in my eyes."

"I think... I feel the same"

Seungyeon smiled slightly. His light still shone. Weak and stumbling but still there. And Wooseok tried and smiled back. His light could shine again.

______________________

A year later              

It was another gloomy day in Seoul. Cold rain and thick fog covered the city like a blanket. It felt like that day all over again. And in fact it was in a way that same day.

The two boys stood again at the small park at Han river. Both stood on the edge, looking at the dark waters. But things were different now.

They no longer need the numbness the cold raindrops bought them. So they stayed under one umbrella. They no longer needed the cold waters to take their souls and make them disappear. Because now they held each other's souls with a warm gentle embrace. They no longer needed the cold fog to stop their hearts and make everything turn black. Because now their hearts beat in unison, together as long as alive. And their eyes no longer only saw the cold rain, gray fog and dark waters. Their eyes saw green grass, blooming flowers, kids playing around, a couple running from the rain, students playing around trying to find a way to make their lives enjoyable. Because now their life seemed beautiful. When they shouted in the rain and no one listened, they realized... only those who were in the rain could hear the other's pain. And they found each other. They heard each other's pain, and felt the need to try and show how beautiful the other was. And raised them up.

So they softly threw white roses on the water. It was a goodbye in a way. A goodbye to the pain they had both went through. A goodbye to their suffering souls, to now take on their new lights. Lights they made together.

In the rain, time stopped when they looked at each other. They filled the scattered them, just so they could see how beautiful they were. And now, rain was no longer cold.

________________________

Bonus                              

The couple arrived at the same exact apartment from a year before. The difference being how lively the decoration became, curtains open, colorful details here and there, and even plants. Oh, and the fact that instead of a single bed, one toothbrush and one cutlery kit, now they always needed two. They had been living together for 5 months already.

As soon as they got in, Seungyeon as an habit helped Wooseok take off the big heavy coat he was wearing (actually Seungyeon made him wear it, because he didn't want his baby catching a cold). So Wooseok turned around and did the same. Seungyeon stared down at him lovingly, soon hugging the other's waist.

"It's so different, right, Seokie. From one year ago"

"Yeah... now I am happy and I've got a boyfriend. And a really handsome one at that"

"And I've got the cutest prettiest boyfriend in this earth"

The couple laughed and Seungyeon picked the other up, taking advantage of the shorter height. Wooseok, instead of trashing around like he did in the beginning, just wrapped his legs around Seungyeon's waist and leaned into the hug. He knew resisting would only result on some kind of kiss, or tickling attack. Seungyeon carried Wooseok to the couch, sitting down with the other on his lap.

"Wooseok-ah, you look specially cute today. You know I love it when you wear your glasses and the beret I gave you"

"And you too, I really like it when you leave your hair messy and wear your glasses"

"You're already so pretty, you could wear anything and I'd be drooling"

"You are also so so handsome. And so fit. And... that tattoo..."

Seungyeon laughed at the sudden blush creeping up Wooseok's cheeks, and took advantage of that to cup the other's face, smiling brightly. He then pecked Wooseok's lips, letting then linger for a while before pulling away.

"Seungyeonie... I really really love you. More than anything. If it wasn't for you I literally wouldn't even be alive. You're my everything, Seungyeonie"

Seungyeon smiled at the sudden burst of affection, looking into the eyes of the other and caressing his face.

"I love you, I love you so so much. You're also my everything, you're my little sunflower, you're the one that keeps me going. I just love love love you"

Wooseok smiled and hugged his Seungyeonie, relying on the warm feeling of the other's touch. Seungyeon was really his everything. And Wooseok was Seungyeon's everything.

Seungyeon caressed the shorter's hair softly, not taking his eyes away from his face. It was so different now. This new warm light on Wooseok's eyes was enough to remind Seungyeon their love made that light bright again. Their love raised them up. And made them strong and bright.

Wooseok looked back. The smile now plastered on Seungyeon's face was nothing like the light smile from a year ago. This time it was filled with love and happiness. It was a sight he would pay to see every single day.

Seungyeon smiled, making Wooseok sit up again.

"Wooseok-ah, we should publish that song we made together today. It's about our story anyway"

"We are in the rain? That one? I think it's a really great idea... let people know how love can bloom even in the darkest and coldest places. And when it blooms it leaves warmth and brightness"

"Yeah... just like our love, Seokie. Our love"

Wooseok smiled so brightly, and it made Seungyeon's heart beat faster, and made a smile appear on the other's face as well. At once, Seungyeon pulled Wooseok by the neck and kissed him, slow, passionate, pouring every single bit of love he had for the other into that kiss. And Wooseok kissed back, in the same way. The other's embrace was like a warm refuge from the cold rain and dark world. The other was home it didn't matter where they were. And overall they were one. Now ignited by the same fire. The love that made their light be reborn stronger than it had ever been. And they would fight. They would fight to let their art, their soul and their feelings into the world. Because even if not everyone heard it, the people who needed to hear it would. The people who once stood in the same rain the couple once stood would hear it. And that's all they need to know so they could continue. The knowing that they could show people there's not only one way out from the rain. And that sometimes that way out is under the same rain as you.

_________

Alright, this oneshot is a bit of an emotional roller coaster.

One of the things I wanted to talk about with this specific oneshot is about art.

My fellow artists out there, being what you do music, painting, dancing, any kind of art. Don't think your art is not "worth" being seen or heard just because it doesn't match the mass public, or because it doesn't seem beautiful. Every art is beautiful. Because art is the representation of the artists' soul, and everyone's soul is beautiful in its own ways.

It doesn't matter if you're inexperienced, it doesn't matter if you have never formally learnt how to do your art, it's still yours and still you. So don't be afraid of showing it. Don't be afraid of showing your feelings to the world, because just like you, people may be feeling the same way.

So to all my fellow artists out there.

Be brave. Because that's all we can do. Be brave and let our feelings be known, let our prettiest and ugliest parts be known. Because that's how we make society know we exist. That people that live other ways exist. That people who are just happy the way they are, or that people who would appreciate a bit more of support exist. So don't be afraid of showing your art. Don't be afraid of screaming to the world "I exist and I am different!" because we all are, and maybe your shouts into the rain can get to someone else who's also different and alone in the rain. And that's how we become stronger. Show who you are and be brave.

I love you ♡♡♡

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