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Angst and fluff

Seungyeon X Seungwoo

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Being the oldest member of an 11 membered boy group was surely not easy. Being the leader of said group was even harder. But Seungwoo had already been chosen and he knew why. Seungyoun and Wooseok were the second oldest members. Wooseok wasn't really taken seriously usually, he was too cute and tended to act younger, probably since he was always around the younger members. Seungyeon also acted young, but he was their vitamin. They needed someone bright and funny like that and it was almost impossible to be that and lead the group.

Being a leader had its ups and downs. He loved taking care of the members, being affectionate with them, hugging them and everything else. But it was always so hard when he had to give bad news, to scold them, or to make them do something they didn't want to. That's when his heart hurt the most.

But he couldn't avoid those situations. And that day had been specially stressful. Yohan had gotten hurt, so they had to perform with him sitting on the side. All members knew how hard that was for their center, so they tried to include him as much as they could.

Because of the sudden accident, members had to adapt a few parts of the choreography, so right after schedules all they could do was go back to the practice room to make sure everything would be perfect. But it was hard, everyone was tired, so it was hard to focus. Seungwoo had to yell at members so often his throat started feeling sore. But he had to continue. They had to get all the choreographies completely right.

So they continued training. For the next two hours they continued, it was already almost 2 am. But members still weren't focused. They got things wrong and kept asking to stop. But he couldn't do that, the next day they would have another performance, and this time it was live. They couldn't get it wrong.

"Come on everyone, let's work hard! Hyung knows you guys are tired, but remember, it's for One It!"

Seungwoo yelled out again, trying to make everyone focus again. But the members just whined, not making a move from their positions. So Seungwoo asked again, a little bit more stern this time, and the members still didn't move. Then he couldn't help but react.

"Listen, I'm tired too, okay. You think I'm not tired of yelling at you to comply just to see you not move a muscle? You think it's easy to try and lead you guys still respectfully and gently when you're acting like babies? I'm tired too okay! I'm tired, stressed and angry because we just have to do this for the damn stage and it's not even that hard, but you guys don't comply and make us stay over! I am so tired of this behaviour, can't you care for me too?! Care for how much I work for you guys? How many hours I stay over discussing with the company? How many hours I stay up to try and figure things out? And can't you comply with a dance practice? A simple dance practice? I'm..."

Only when he stopped to breath and realize what he's saying, did he also realize the tears running down his cheeks. He saw the members' terrified expressions, everyone completely still and staring at the oldest hyung with worried and scared faces. So Seungwoo just stormed out of the practice room, closing the door with a loud bang that echoed through the empty building.

He knew what he did was wrong. He knew he could not have exploded like that I front of the members, but to be very honest, he knew he couldn't take it anymore. He had been for so long without a shoulder to rely on with his worries, always keeping up the calm and affectionate leader facade. And now it really took a toll on him. He couldn't just live with that weight on his own anymore.

He knew managers or the members themselves would come for him soon. So he locked himself in in one of the smallest studios in the building, keeping the lights out except for one little table light. He sat on the carpeted floor, curled up, tears still running down his cheeks freely. He really wanted to stop crying and pick up the shards left scattered on the floor of his composed self, but he knew picking those up would just prickle his fingers and make him bleed and hurt. So he just let himself be.

It must be a really pathetic scene, he thought. A grown man, broad shoulders, towering height, succumbing to the weight of what seemed to be such a simple worry. He was the oldest, he had to take that burden. But why couldn't he? He cleaned the tears on his face forcefully, almost aggressively and ran his fingers through his hair, almost pulling hard enough to hurt.

He had broken down before. But still he felt ashamed. Ashamed of not becoming stronger even after all this time, ashamed of still being the exact same Han Seungwoo. He didn't get any better.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Seungwoo just continued silent, hoping whoever that was would just leave him alone. But they knocked again and again.

"Seungwoo hyung... I know you're in here. Please open the door. I am really sorry about this, but please let me in, we need to talk"

Seungyeon's voice was unusually quiet and unstable. It seemed like he was about to cry himself, if he hadn't done it already. Seungyeon called out "hyung" a few times more, and Seungwoo's heart hurt. It hurt so bad to be able to hear the other's suffering, and over all that, to know he was the cause of it. So he stood up, slowly and walked to stand in front of the door. He cleaned his face and took a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door.

Seungyeon, as soon as the door was open, hugged Seungwoo tight, bringing the older's head to rest on his shoulder, slightly caressing his hair. Seungwoo just let himself be taken care of and receive that affection for a while. He felt like it was a consolation he needed.

After a few minutes, Seungwoo tried to pull away. Seungyeon just kept holding on, letting himself be dragged more into the studio and closing the door behind him. Only then Seungyeon let go of his hyung, taking him by the hand to sit down at the same place Seungwoo sat before, sitting as well right beside him.

"Seungwoo hyung."

Seungwoo just slightly nodded, head down, not daring to look up at Seungyeon's face. When they let go he had seen tear stains on the youngster's face, so he couldn't bring himself to look again.

"Seungwoo hyung, please look at me."

Seungyeon moved, holding Seungwoo's shoulders gently, then holding the older's chin between his pointer finger and thumb, slightly caressing the skin as he made Seungwoo look up again.

"Seungwoo hyung... I'm sorry for all of this, in the name of all members. And now as me... I'm sorry for not noticing how hurt you were, how tired you were, how stressed you were... I'm sorry for having not held you and consoled you before, to the point you just broke down. I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry for being a hassle, for teasing the boys and making it harder for you. I promise I'll stay beside you, I'll help you as much as I can, I'll make sure to become more mature and not cause a mess between members, I promise I'll do everything in my power to ease things for you... I really can't take seeing you this sad, this broken... God, I feel like my heart is being broken repeatedly with every single tear that runs down your face... let me take care of you, hyung, please rely on me, cry on my shoulder, tell me whenever something, anything at all, bothers you. I want to be here for you, Seungwoo hyung"

As Seungyeon kept talking, more tears ran down both his and the older's cheeks. Seungwoo felt like such a heavy burden had been lifted, like he was caring such a heavy rock without barely realizing it. Having the certainty that there was someone there for him, someone as important, as sweet, as gentle and as bright as Cho Seungyeon, one of the brightest sun rays of his day.

"I don't want you to change, Seungyeonie... I can get used to having you beside me, relying on you but...I can never get used to you not being this bright, teasing and funny handsome boy you are. You're one of the people who keep me going just by being the way you are, Seungyeonie, so please continue being that person for me and for all members"

"If you want me to be that Seungyeon... I'll be it. But I want to take care of you. I'm here for you. I've been here for you for a pretty long time, Seungwoo hyung, as a friend and... whichever more you let me be."

Seungwoo was off-guard with what that last sentence can mean, but before he could answer he was pulled into another strong hug by the younger. Seungyeon's hands caressed the other's back, neck and head gently, soothing and calming. Seungwoo felt like he could just set himself loose right there, let himself feel what he suppressed, say what he so strongly wanted to but was too afraid. It felt like Seungyeon had successfully completely destroyed every wall, every barrier Seungwoo could have.

And he barely noticed when their faces leaned closer. He suddenly felt Seungyeon's breath against his face, light and warm. His eyes closed and soon did Seungyeon's as their lips met midway, affectionate, gentle and almost innocent. Seungyeon's hand moved to cup the older's face, caressing ever so gently.

They just pulled away when they wanted to look at each other. Seungyeon's pretty shaped eyes seemed to shine with a different glow than the one of sad tears. Seungwoo couldn't hold back a sweet smile, looking at the other so fondly he felt like exploding.

Their feelings for each other were nothing close to new. They just developed since they met. Seungyeon couldn't help but fall for the older's sweet, caring ways, shy expressions, and that knowing of how to make people's hearts warm with only a few words. Seungwoo couldn't help but fall for the younger's bright, outgoing personality, the way he could just brighten up the whole room with one smile, one word, he brought a light Seungwoo needed so so much.

And all that accumulated affection was in their gaze right then. It was on their light touches, soft breaths, and comfortable silence. They just wanted to freeze time in that lovely comfortable moment. But now they knew those would repeat again and again. And maybe, strongly possible, Hangyul would no longer have a roommate for the next years.

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