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     "Well? Isn't it cool?" Lorn observed Verger ask with as much enthusiast as his modest collection of facial expressions allowed. His eyes remained half closed as always, but managed to reflect the dull light of the pub in what represented happiness, and his lips were stretched into a lazy grin.

     "It's kind of noisy." Lorn replied, awkwardly tapping the counter on a rhythm he couldn't find.

     "Noisy?" Verger squinted. "You call rock music noisy?"

     The bartender just arrived with her drinks, and upon hearing the previous statement, she accidentally spilled a little of Lorn's drink, staining the awkwardly tapping hand.

     "I mean... yeah, it's just a lot of noises moshpitting..." Lorn justified as he wiped his hand with a napkin.

     "Dude." Verger slumped down, shoulders uneven. He was well into a couple drinks. "Whatever you say."

     Lorn scoffed, then discreetly scooted closer upon hearing someone sit down beside him. People in that pub (99.9% metalheads 0.1% Lorn) tended to look and act a good few notes above creepy.

     But then, with a purse of the lips and a raise of the eyebrow, Lorn remembered his statute of Viscount Streetfighter and casually glanced over his shoulder to nonchalantly check who positioned themselves in his vicinity.

     He scooted closer to Verger.

     His friend noticed that and glanced to see who was there, and much to Lorn's horror, he cheered.

     "Long time no see you cuddle-bear!"

     Lorn watched with a shiver as a fist the size of his head pumped Verger's, the hair on those fingers gathered together being the equivalent of his stubble.

     A low growl that had occasional bumps in the tone was the Verger's response, most probably laughter but Lorn wouldn't bet his arm on it.

     Once he took his drink, the man left with thuds matching the drums banging at Lorn's head.

     "Cuddle-bear?" he whisper-yelled.

     "He likes to cuddle." Verger nodded. "And reminds people of bears. Cuddle-bear."

     Lorn glanced around form underneath his eyebrows, left and right. What girl in their right minds would want to cuddle with that? Hell, he doubted he'd survive a pat on the back from that man, let alone hugs.

     "Hey. Cheers to us." Verger distracted him, raising his glass of Jägermeister.

     "Yeah, cheers to us." Lorn knocked their glasses and took the shot with a hiss to follow. "You good there buddy?"

     Verger was swaying a little. "Yeah buddy I'm fine buddy you good buddy?"

     "Yeah I'm-" Lorn burped with his mouth close. "-fine."

     Verger grinned silently at that, then sighed heavily and let his head roll around, his half closed eyes distantly acknowledging the faces around.

     His head stopped, rolled all the way to the back to observe someone. With a squint, he straightened up and looked back, blinking.

     "What?" Lorn followed his gaze, only seeing a group of men and a waitress that instantly caught his eye. Their table was loud, as if playing cards required that much manifestation.

     "It's just..." Verger placed an elbow on the counter, slightly rocking the stool. "Someone nice looking."

     Lorn glanced back with a sigh. "Aw, you gonna go for her?"

     Verger blinked slowly, glancing at Lorn from the corner of his eyes. "The waitress?"

     "Well duh." Lorn squinted at the group, searching for any other possible girl.

     "Oh, suit yourself." Verger waved a hand, propping his head on a shoulder. "She's pretty cool, obsessed with rock music. I can give you a band or two and..." he looked Lorn up and down. "You look pretty brutal as it is, but my leather jacket would be a cool touch."

     Lorn nodded enthusiastically, taking off his sleeveless hoodie. Verger sat up slowly and leaned forwards, sliding the jacket off him but having troubles untangling his arms from the sleeves.

     Lorn scoffed and gripped the back of his jacket, snatching it off with a jerk that sent Verger's stool spinning. Once he stopped, he pressed a hand to his mouth and gagged, swallowed and glared at Lorn.

     The man smirked and threw his hoodie on Verger, pulling on the leather jacket. Once Verger uncovered his head, he sighed longingly.

     The tips of Lorn's long hair faded into the blackness of the leather, his one blonde strand glowing in the dull pub light. There was a cheeky glint in his eyes, aimed at the lucky waitress, and his teeth seemed to glow in that tipsy grin of his. And then there was the one dimple on his right cheek...

     "Do I stink?" he attractively asked, leaning into Verger.

     The man leaned in, but a wobble send him face first into the man's collar bones, visible thanks to the wondrous invention that was v-neck t-shirts. Verger sniffed the skin like he'd sniff cocaine off his credit card, and then moved back, dizzier than he remember having been a minute ago.

     "You stink fine." he nodded. "I mean. I mean you..."

     "Yeah, yeah." Lorn laughed. "Now, tell me rock stuff."

     And Verger mumbled a couple basics above the rim of his beer, before sending Lorn on his merry way. Watching him go, he sighed and turned frontwards.

     He reached behind him to pull the hood over his head and cover his face with it, placing his forehead on the counter. In that tipsy state he allowed himself savour each cologne-scented breath, feeling himself nod off despite his head being immobile.

     And then a swat on the back.

     He raised his head and looked left and right, but for some reason everything was black. Was there a blackout in the pub? He could still hear music, though... Speaking of which, when did the melody change? Was that Rammstein or some cover?

     He could hear familiar laughter, and then he was enlightened- Lorn pulled his hood off.

     "Sorry to break your bubble." the man said with a raised an eyebrow.

     "How long was I unconscious..." Verger murmured, wiping his eye and pulling a face at the smell that replaced the one of Lorn's hoodie. Smoke, sweat and burps.

     "Enough for me to get a slap on the face." Lorn shook his head, then displayed the left cheek, on which a handprint was traced.

     "What happened?"

     "Um... she made me guess a melody that was playing, and apparently Type O Negative sounds far from Nirvana."

     "Dude." Verger gasped, slapping his other cheek with a satisfying smack. "You disgust me."

     Lorn kept his eyes closed before adjusting them on Verger, his stubble jerking with the twist of his mouth. His eyes looked sober after the slap. "I won't hit you back." he sighed. How could he? The man was hunched, his hair a mess and his nose buried in Lorn's hoodie. "Enjoying yourself?"

     Verger nodded, peeking at him from underneath long bangs and above the collar. "Smells like... good stuff."

     "Smells like good stuff, right." Lorn nodded, and then sighed again. "The cologne was a gift." he tilted his head. "From my last relationship..."

     "Tell me about it."

     Lorn pouted, motioning the barman over and ordering a beer. Afterwards, he turned towards Verger and whined. "It was Heaven... See, I was seeing two girls at once, both really open minded and spontaneous and so damn special, I wasn't even surprised they agreed a threesome when I came out as a cheater to both at once."

     Verger's shoulders slumped, and he gawked at Lorn incredulously, watching him sip from the beer received.

     Two girls at once? That was a whole new level of heterosexual...

     "And it was seriously amazing, they were my... my babies!" he extended his arms as if cuddling two persons at once. "So much warmth and beauty and love, but..." he let his arms down with sorry dangles. "It got to a point..."

     "H...How so." Verger squinted.

     "One day or the other they just sort of realized they enjoyed each other well enough without me in the way..."

     Break up with Lorn? That was a whole new level of lesbian...

     "Ah, shit." Verger murmured. "I'm sorry for ya."

     Lorn nodded, eyebrows pinched. Then he shrugged, playing with his fingers, and with a sigh he looked up at Verger. "What about you?"

     Verger sniffed dryly and looked back on his life experience.

     The last steady relationship... well, he couldn't remember carrying one ever since he moved on Viscount Street. It was just, whereas men easily got themselves relationships with Viscount Streetgirls, since they were possessive and liked to be taken care of, homosexual relationships with Viscount Streetmen were something entirely else.

     They were just... not entirely... cuddly-lovely material. The longest Verger went was one week, and that ended up in punches one way or the other.

     "Well, the last and coolest was with a black." he smiled tiny, thinking of number 11, Lionel.

     "Ah, I feel ya." Lorn chuckled. "How'd that go?"

     "It was like... two years ago, I was near graduating... and we just... we were both really focused on the final exams coming up, and basketball and stuff... I mean it was euphoric at the beginning but then we just got busy and sort of stopped..." he shrugged, sighing at his stupidity. Risking all that time and the relationship for studies only to do nothing with the degree and get to this. He didn't regret living on basketball, he regretted losing all of that for nothing.

     "Didn't even break up officially, it simply got to the point in which we just said 'hi' as we passed by each other."

     Lorn nodded, patting him on the shoulder. "Maybe you should get in touch again."

     "Nah." Verger groaned. "It's been two years, I'm sure he's moved on."

     Lorn scooted closer. The music was playing with his hearing, because he was pretty sure he heard 'he' instead of 'she'.

     "Well, sucks. There's always nightstands."

     "Fuck yeah." Verger laughed, raising a glass of vodka that Lorn was pretty sure belonged to the person near him. "Cheers to that!"

     Lorn knocked his glass of beer with the little thing. "Cheers!"

 

     "That's mildly terrifying." Lorn laughed, wobbling on his spot.

     Verger frowned at him with his lips duck-like. He was holding up a vacuum cleaner almost threateningly, the tube tangled around his legs. Once step and he would surely fall, Lorn was preparing mentally for that.

     "I will annihilize-"

     "That is not a word."

     "-every bunny of dust that bewalks-"

     "That is not a word."

     "-the floor and acrispinates-" he took a step and tumbled to the ground.

     "That is not a word."

     Verger raised on his fours and looked around, though the hood of Lorn's vest fell over his eyes and he couldn't see a thing. "Dude whatever the hell happened, your apartment is a messsss."

     Lorn laughed in a slur and stomped the on/off button of the vacuum. The thing caught life and sucked in the hem of Verger's pants leg.

     "Ah! I am being victimized!" he screeched, flailing around.

     Lorn snickered and took the vacuum cleaner, releasing his friend from its vicious claws, and got on cleaning the cigarette ash from the carpet (that Verger had spilled earlier that day). Verger got on two legs and stumbled to the books scattered around, getting on stacking them.

     "Do we really have to..." Verger sighed, lying down with the stack of books serving as a pillow. "Let's just... fuck instead." he suggested, but the vacuum cleaner was too loud for that to get across.

     Opening his eyes just a slit, he watched the man vacuum, the scene melodramatic in the drunken man's eyes. The light coming from a streetlamp outside outlined his silhouette that moved with long, glorious strides, a cloud of dust and ash floating around like particles of magic.

     And then, as if in slow motion, he saw the silhouette pick up something rectangular and dart it at him. The thing approached in flips, like a tiny demon dancing menacingly on its way towards yours soul.

     The remote hit Verger in the face.

     "Turn on the music system and stop being a useless little shit!" the man yelled over the roar of the machinery.

     Verger raised, glanced down. Wiped the saliva off the books, stood up. Wobbled, fell. Glanced at the remote, pressed the biggest, reddest button.

     Lorn gasped and let the vacuum drop, stiffened into a statue. When the first drop occurred, he bent his knees and made some bounce motion, and got on rapping.

     "I'm an asshole! Sticking-chicken asshole! Fuck the pussy of the eaters I'll be licking asshole!" he bounced his way towards Verger with the movements of a smooth gorilla. "Oh, hold up, for every question you will ask no, just be quick, unzip my shit and kiss a pair of fat balls!" (Melody to the right: Dope D.O.D.- Butterfly)

     Then he got on slow-motion punching Verger. Well, they weren't punches, he slowly brought his fists down on the rhythm and shoved Verger with them.

     The man whined, curling into a ball and rolling around as the man played him.

     "While Mr. Vicious gets delicious with them bitches, I fulfill my wishes! No more doing dishes, kiss this nigga, here wants clits and tits ahhh!"

     "Stahp, stahp Lorn!" Verger complained into the carpet, the man messing around by gently kicking him with his feet. It didn't cease to make Verger dizzier than necessary. "Stahp." he got up and hugged Lorn's legs, sending him on the couch.

     Standing up, Verger grabbed a pillow and proceeded to recreate that one scene from The Shinning, where Jack kicked the door with an axe. It was just, the loud, grave drops were making his blood boil in an overwhelming need of violence.

     Lorn kept the pillow from hitting his head, though the rapping persisted, as did eye contact. Verger was panting by the nth kick, and for a last time he moved the pillow aside, swung it widely and slammed it on the man.

     With that, he slumped on top of the pillow and the man, muffling his rapping with the thing. With a sigh, he made himself comfortable, but then the man started flailing around, his violent rapping causing the pillow to vibrate.

     "Stop, that, noise!" he cried.

     "The butterflies in her stomach make her vomit! She likes the front, like saying 'I have never done it'! But deep inside I know she might've had a hundred, she lies and I love it!"

     "I'll make you vomit your poop out if you-" he stopped when Lorn bit his shoulder. "That hurts my skin! My skin is in pain, Lorn!" he growled, pushing him on the couch and repeating the earlier number with the pillow.

     And then the door of the apartment started shaking under someone's fists.

     Verger stopped with the pillow above his head and looked towards there, while Lorn got on pulling feathers out of his mouth and hair.

     They both stood up and wobbled to the door, pushing each other out of the way to reach it first. Verger did, and Lorn looked from above his head as the man opened the door.

     "Stop. The fucking. Noise." a blonde woman demanded, her hair an attractive mess. She was only wearing a large t-shirt and boxers, with untied leather boots. A cig was hanging between her lips, complimenting her frowning, dark-circled expression.

     "You callin' this pulchritudinous music noise!? You have something else coming girl 'cause I'mma make you moist!"

     "He will make you wish yo momma was more pretty so that your face and hair and ears wouldn't look like some spaghetti!" Verger joined.

     "I will grip yo head and slam it in mah music system so that you can join us rather than have your fucking panties twisted!"

     "He will put his dingalinga in your dingalong-"

     "That's not a word!"

     "Gonna make your vaginozaurus tingle and write you a song!"

     "My buddy here is real dumb he can't stand on two legs, his rhymes are gay his face okay but he kinda stinks of eggs."

     "Dude!" Verger slurred, glancing behind at the man pressed into his back. "That kinda... that kinda hurt."

     "Oh I'm sorry I just got caught up man." Lorn slurred back. "I take it back."

     "O-okay it's cool." Verger nodded, then turned towards the woman.

     She sighed, then glanced at the taller man. "Lorn. Calm the fuck down or I'll seriously poison every bottle the milkman leaves at your door on Mondays and Fridays."

     Lorn gasped. "My milk!"

     "His milk! You don't mess with a man's milk!" Verger stumbled in place when Lorn threateningly advanced towards the woman, and gripped the doorframe to keep him back. "Shoo, you evil, evil woman! Jus- jus' go!" he stumbled outside, but Lorn pulled him back before he got to faceplant in the woman's chest.

     The blonde shook her head, took a drag from her cig and sighed. "What a time to be alive." she turned and walked away with drags of the legs.

     The men tumbled inside, not without the necessary angry slam of the door. Once they got to the system, Verger lowered it and Lorn sighed miserably.

     "We haven't done shit." he murmured, glancing around. "Hell, we made it worse."

     Verger shrugged one shoulder at a time and looked downwards.

     "What." Lorn asked.

     "Nah, 'ts just..." Verger looked to the side and down again. "Been thinking 'bout what you said earlier..."

     "Ah man, I said I'm sorry." Lorn whined.

     "Yeah 'ts just... there's a little truth..." Verger pointed, gazing into distance to remember the quote. "...behind every lie and a little... something behind every joke, man."

     "Well yeah but it wasn't neither it was rap."

     "But... it..." Verger scratched his neck.

     "Look man, you really don't stink of eggs I promise." Lorn motioned with his arms. "I mean you smell bad from the pub, like... smoke and booze and that, not eggs. I mean I stink too so it's nothing..."

     Verger looked at him with pinched eyebrows and glanced to the side. "Should we take a shower?" he whispered.

     "Nah man." Lorn laughed. "That's gay."

     "I didn't mean together, Lorn, that's gay of you to think I meant it like that."

     "Sorry, it was just miscommunication."

     "No." Verger frowned. "That was misinterpretenetion."

     "That's not a word."

     "I meant. I meant-"

     "I know, misinterpretation."

     "Djjuh." Verger nodded. "So how about that shower, would we both fit or..."

     "Dude! You just accused me of being gay, we're not taking a shower together!"

     "You don't gotta yell at me jeez are you homophobic or something?"

     "N'aw, my dog was gay." Lorn paced away to pick up the stack of books on the ground. "It was a good dog."

     "What happened to it?"

     "My friend accidentally ran it over with a car and..." Lorn shrugged. "It didn't die, but then the friend accidentally set it on fire."

     "What the fuck?"

     "He's a pyromaniac it wasn't really his fault..." Lorn sighed. "I just... accepted him as he is. I'm a good friend like that you know?" he placed the books on the bookshelf, then leaned on it once he lost his balance.

     "Aw, so you'd accept me if I told you..." Verger rubbed his palms together. "That... that I sleep with..."

     "What do you sleep with Verger." Lorn asked, straightening up to glance at him curiously.

     "I sleep with like... this big stuffed bear that my little sister..." Verger motioned, then sobbed dryly. "I miss her, man. I mean I go visit like often but I miss her going through my stuff and pounding on my door when I fap-"

     "Dude that's gross!"

     "Is it? I mean it adds to the adrenaline, having someone almost walk in on you-"

     "Dude!" Lorn stomped. "That's... I mean it's sort of... dude, no!"

     "Okay I mean whatever." Verger shrugged.

     Lorn nodded, taking off his (Verger's) leather jacket and darting it on the couch. "Okay I go shower and you clean up and then we switch."

     Verger nodded, watching the man stumble his way to the bathroom.

     "Yeah, sounds like a good plan, I'll just get on doing that!"

-------

     "You had one job, Verger."

     The man flinched awake, his face mashed into the couch cushion. The blurry shapes before him slowly hugged each other to present a view that was immensely pleasant waking up to.

     A long, strong neck led to defined collar bones and framed pectorals, below which muscles stood crowded together. The body wasn't wide and buff and gross like a broccoli about to pop, the way most streetfighters Verger encountered looked like. It was...

     "You are so hot." he sighed, glancing down. Maybe if he stared hard enough, the boxers Lorn was wearing would dematerialize.

     "Am I?" Lorn murmured, placing a hand on his forehead. With a confused frown, he took Verger's hand and placed it on his forehead, observing the difference of temperature. "Huh, I guess I am. Well, the water was warm, so..." he shrugged tiredly. The shower made his entire body all limp.

     "Here's how it's gonna go." Lorn sighed, eyes closing on their own when Verger moved the hand from his forehead to his damp hair. "You go take a shower and we'll clean up tomorrow."

     "I don't wanna take a shower." Verger complained, letting go of his hair to roll on his back.

     "Dude. When sleeping, your body... lets stuff out, and if you don't take a shower those stuff will stink. I don't want to wake up and vomit on you first thing in the morning."

     "Fine, okay."

-------

     Both men lay on the spread couch in just boxers and bathrobes. The reason they were sharing was Lorn didn't want to lay the mattress on the floor since it was still covered with ash and dirt from the vase he'd thrown and little pieces of pizza.

     Verger couldn't remember the last time he slept in a bathrobe, but it was great. Like being dressed up in plush rather than having to hug plush bears.

     "We're having a robe party." Verger laughed in a raspy voice.

     Lorn glanced from the wide window to Verger and sighed. "Will you seriously shut the fuck up already."

     "Hey, why do you have two robes."

     Lorn groaned. "The one I'm wearing is for chilling, the one you're wearing is for bath."

     Verger glanced at what the man was wearing and frowned. That robe was softer and thicker and multicolored, whereas his was still damp from the shower and plain boring white.

     "I wanna switch."

     "Fuck off."

     "Please, Lorn."

     The man screamed in his throat and sat up.

     Once they exchanged their robes, Verger snuggled into his with a small smile, the soft hood pulled up to hug his face in bliss. That robe was so much better!

     "Hey Lorn..."

     "Are you circumcised, Verger? Because if not, you will be by tomorrow morning. If you are, I'll just stab your dick off."

     "Do you bring people over often?" Verger continued, moving onto his side. Lorn's naked chest went flat as he sighed in despair, his bloodshot eyes gazing at the ceiling as if it was the one that had set his dog on fire.

     "Yes."

     "You have lots of friends?"

     "Yes."

     Verger didn't comment from then on, and Lorn thanked the night sky outside for it. After a few minutes of silence, though, he was starting to fidget guiltily, and so he stabbed Verger with his elbow.

     "I was messing around. I mean yeah I have friends but..." he tsked. He was too tired for this shit. "I mean I've known you for a couple days and I've had the most fun in a while, so you're pretty up... up there."

     He glanced at Verger to see him smile thinly, and then a hand, soft from recent hydration, slid on his.

     Lorn snatched his away with a laugh to go, and he shoved Verger hard enough for the man to roll the other way.

     "Go to sleep, you homo."

     "Okay... Good night friend."

     Lorn ran a hand down his face. "Night."

*turns hat backwards, bounces on rap*

Comment. 'cause I'm demented for acknowledgement. I'd stab for criticism that's intelligent 'cause it helps the development of my experiment that's the intermittent growth of homo fkin content. SneezingTurtle OUT.

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