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|chapter eleven: tape ten|

I carefully removed the tape and flipped it over only to be startled by Lottie's voice cutting through the air.

"You hungry?"

"I could eat. What time is it?" I stared lazily out the window and reached for my phone.

"Six. I reckon you could fit in another tape before we get there." I unlocked my phone and sure enough, the time stated 18:03. I had one text from my mum asking how I was doing and seven missed calls from Zayn. I'll text my mum later.

"I guess so."

Welcome back. Are any of you hungry? I sure am. But I have to get this finished before I can eat so... Ok let's do this.

This tape is gonna be a little different. There will be a guy in it but that will not be who this is dedicated to. I will only announce it at the end but if you manage to guess who this is for before the end; congratulations. Hint: it's a boy.

So this all started at that end of term party thing Jake Wastokie always had a month early. I'd been drinking, a lot, and I'd found myself become quite close with a certain boy.

Oh my god, that's the party. It's the party.

His name was George and let's just say he was quite the lady killer. But with boys. So boy killer.

Anyways we really hit it off and although I had consumed a truck load of alcohol, I can still remember. We snuck off into a room and I can still feel his hands on my body and his disgusting chapped lips on my skin. I told myself I wouldn't have sex until I truly loved the person but I was tired of waiting for something that was never gonna happen. So I let him fuck me -not very well may I add- just so I could say I did it. Just cause I was tired of being a virgin. It felt like my asshole was bleeding.

That night I lived up to my slut reputation and he didn't let me forget it either. Whenever he passed me he'd call me 'Twink' or 'Bottom' or so many more disgusting inappropriate names. But he never did tell anyone else and for that I thank him.

So this tape is not to George, but it's to myself. Taylor, you can just skip this and give it to the next person. This tape is dedicated towards me because I am as much to blame for my death as any of you. I let you all inside me and I let you break me bit by bit. I let you all make me believe that I was all of those things you called me. Worthless, slut, shameful, disgusting.

So basically, fuck you Louis Tomlinson for letting them break you. God knows they all mean shit anyway.

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