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Billy's P.O.V.

I walked on the perfectly maintained grass, resisting the urge to look back into those sad, blue eyes. The guilt was eating away at my stomach as I went into my house but I just ignored it. Inside, even though there was light shining through all the thinly veiled windows, it was dark and lonely. No one was home, of course. Mom and Dad must have picked up another shift at the hospital. I didn't know why I was surprised. They hadn't been home for more than twelve hours for weeks. They practically lived at the damn hospital. I hadn't had a real conversation with them since Christmas, the first holiday they had off since I was twelve. That gave me a whole lot of free time. Most boys my age would go drinking or partying but I didn't have the guts to do any of that so I got a job with the Hartman's. The job was great, wasn't much pay but they feed me most nights. But now with Spencer, I probably wasn't going to stay for dinner much more. Whenever I just looked at him, all I could see was his beautiful, sculpted body. The fact that I could have thrown him on this bed right in front of me and had my way with him filled with a bitter regret. But I just had to stare at those bruises. I didn't care about them. Well that's not entirely true. He was so sweet and nice. How could anybody hurt him? I wanted to know who did it so I could kick their teeth in but he wouldn't tell me. He didn't trust me. I didn't think he trusted anybody. I just wished he trusted me. I would take care of him. Tears would never again well up in those pretty eyes of his because of me. I wanted to tell him that this morning but that look on his face killed me. That look of hurt. I couldn't get that out of my head. I was going to spend the rest of my time with him, trying to get him to trust me. Maybe feel the same way I felt about him. I spent the rest of the day, thinking of ways to get closer to him. My only interruptions were my stomach growling, begging me to feed it.

I went down to the kitchen, to find something to eat. All that was in the fridge were two eggs and a half a jar of pickles. I looked in the cabinets to find a box of stale old cereal. Crap, all the stores in town were closed because it was Sunday. No way could I go over to Hartman's. My pride was too great for that. So I ended up making eggs and had a pickle on the side. Tomorrow after school since I was off, I would go to the store and get more food. It had been so long since I had eaten at home that I forgot that we had almost nothing to eat. For tonight, I would settle for stale cereal. After dinner, I fell asleep early; hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

I jerked away at the sound of my alarm going off. I groaned as I smacked it with unnecessary force. I laid there for a moment, adjusting my eyes to the light shining through my window. Fragments of my dreams still lingered on my sleepy mind. I smiled as I thought of them. I remembered Spencer was in them. I think we were kissing. Yeah, we were. I wondered if his lips are as soft as they were in my dreams. My mind drifted back to my dream, going further and further until I completely aroused. Shit, I don't have time for this. Ugh. I got up and went to go take a shower. I put the water all the way on cold to make my problem go away. It didn't. I jacked off, thinking of Spencer. Afterwards, I finished quickly getting ready. I missed the bus so I had to walk to school. Well more like run. By the time, I got to school I had five minutes till the bell rang and I was sweaty with no breath. I had no athletic ability at all. Walking into the school, I ran into Mrs. Hartman and Spencer. They were coming out of the main office.

"Hey, sweetie." Mrs. Hartman greeted in surprise.

"Hi." I said, trying to be smooth.

"Hey." Spencer said, looking at me almost in the eye. I looked up at him in shock. He never said anything to anybody first. Then my cheeks went bright red as I thought about what just transpired not even twenty minutes ago.

"Hey, Spencer." I said, hoping he couldn't see my blush.

"Well, I got to get back to store. Billy can you make sure Spencer gets to where he needs to be?" Mrs. Hartman asked me. I looked at the blushing Spencer and nodded, saying, "Yes, ma'am." That would give me a great excuse to be around him, at least for today.

"Okay, good. You boys have a good day." Mrs. Hartman said, patting Spencer on the back. We said goodbye to her and she left.

"Let me see your schedule." I said, hoping we would have a couple of classes together.

Spencer's P.O.V.

I ,begrudgingly,handed Billy my schedule, praying that we didn't have too many classes together. He was my distraction, my beautiful distraction. Eight hours away from him would make life easier.

"Looks like we have four classes together. Physics, English, gym and history." Billy said, with a slight smile. Damn, he looked so cute right now with his black curls sticking to his sweaty, red face. That wasn't going to make my life easier.

"Cool." I said, half-hearted. "Let's get going. It looks like the bell is about to ring." We went to Physics. The school was smaller than my last. Most of my classes were on the same two halls. Our physics class only had twelve people in it. They all stared at me as we walked in. I put my head, not wanting to look at any of them. I put my bandaged hand in my pocket so that it was hidden. I walked up to the desk that had a tall, thin man behind it. Most likely Mr. Goldberg. Billy was right behind, almost protectively. I was irritated that he was so overbearing.

"Hello?" Mr. Goldberg asked, confused.

"I'm Spencer Cade. I'm new." I explained in a whisper. They all already knew that I was new but I still didn't want anybody listening.

"Very well. Go sit with Annie. I'll go get you a textbook for you." He said, pointing to a girl with straight dark blonde hair and grey eyes.

"Thanks." I said, starting to head to my seat. Billy followed and sat in front of me. Of course. He sat next to a pretty girl with red hair. They started whispering to each other. A pang of jealously hit me.

"Hi, I'm Annie Green." She said, smiling. Her voice was like a little's girls. Well she was one. She was about six or seven inches shorter than me.

"Spencer Cade." I said, shifting my attention to her and not Billy. We talked while Mr. Goldberg was finding a textbook for me. She was very nice and sweet. She didn't pry too much. I respected that. I think I was going to like her. Annie almost reminded me of Casey. As unhappy as I was dating Casey, she was a really good friend and a fun person to be around. This time I wouldn't screw it up.

"Here is a textbook." Mr. Goldberg said, handing me an old, battered textbook a few minutes later. Class was officially started now. We took notes. I was confused for the first time in school. It was extremely frustrating. I hadn't been school for over a week. I had missed so much. They were already on the next chapter. After class I would talk to Mr. Goldberg and see if I could get the notes on what I had missed. Thankfully he did. Next I had calculus without Billy. He showed me how to get there and to my next class. Calculus was even more confusing than Physics. I asked Ms. James for the notes that I had missed. She gave them to me and told me that I could stay after for tutoring. I thanked her and went on to my next class. English was boring except for the fact that I was sitting right next to Billy. I kept sneaking glances at him. I thought about what Aunt Niccole told me yesterday after Billy left. I told her what he saw and I showed her my bruises.

"Oh, my." She said, covering her mouth. Yeah, I definitely felt like a freak now. I buttoned up my shirt, trying to hide my ugliness back up again.

"You think I'm a freak now too?" I asked, angry.

"No, of course not." Aunt Niccole said, recovered now. She almost looked offended that I thought that. "Billy doesn't think so either. He has never been in that situation before and doesn't know how to handle it." I eased up, thinking about how that made sense. She could be right but at that moment I wasn't convinced. I felt like a freak. Why wouldn't he think so too? "Spencer, maybe you should open more, let someone in." Like I didn't want to but I couldn't suffer that heartbreak. Aunt Niccole didn't say anything else after that, letting me think it over. I spent all last night thinking it over. No, I wasn't going to let anybody else in especially Billy. I already felt vulnerable enough with my own family. Besides, he would run away, screaming. My own parents didn't want me. Why would this perfect stranger want me? Anyways I hadn't let anyone in sixteen years. What was two more? After high school, most of those eighteen years would be erased from memory. I would only remember my grandparents and my aunt. I was content with that plan.

The rest of the day went by pretty fast. Lunch was going fine until Billy came over. I was sitting by myself, reading over notes and then he just sat across from me. He sat down, putting his empty tray down.

"Can I sit here?" Billy asked, grinning. I looked up from my notes.

"Sure." I said, slightly annoyed.

"What's all this?" He said, taking a couple of pages of notes and looking at them upside down. God, this boy was frustrating.

"Notes." I said, taking them and flipping them right side up.

"Oh, right." He said, handing them back to me. I let out a small chuckle, mainly out of frustration. "So how do you like it here?"

"It's great." I said, sarcastically. I put my notes back in order.

"That's good." He said, not noticing my sarcasm. I smiled to myself. "What's your family like?" I dropped the pen I just picked up out of shock. How in the hell did he jump to that? He knew that I was caught off guard. My walls wanted to crumble down, tell him everything, be his best friend and boyfriend but that wasn't how life was. At least not in my life. How bad could it be if I told him just a little bit though? Not too bad.

"My mom was nice." I said, trying not to give too much away.

"And your dad?" Billy asked, curiously. This kid was killing me with all the questions. My frustration was bubbling up.

"My dad was...." I said, trailing off to find a good word to describe him to Billy. ", strict." I said, finally choosing a vague enough word for Billy.

"Is he why you're here now?" Billy asked, looking at me in the eye now. Uncomfortable, I looked away. He seemed to be looking right into my soul. I didn't know how he was doing it.

"More or less." I mumbled. His hand was inches from mine, trying to close the gap. Maybe he was trying to comfort me. I didn't know but I pulled my hand away. Hurt flashed through his eyes but then it went away quickly. The bell rang, saving me from further questions.

"Come on." I said, getting up and putting away my notes. "We'll be late to gym."

"Yeah, right." He said, standing up. His eyes looked miles away as we walked down to gym. I couldn't help but think how similar this situation was. Not that long ago was I walking from lunch to gym with a boy I liked a lot. This time I would make the right decision. I changed into clothes that I brought from home in case I had gym today, in the bathroom. I wasn't going to change in front of anybody til those bruises were gone. Billy waited for me in the locker room until I finished. I only allowed one look at him. He was wearing black shorts like me and a white t-shirt. He had skinny long legs. I blushed as I looked at them and thought how nice they looked. I brought my mind back to reality. The gym was small, hardly any bigger than a class room. The walls had peeling off white paint and the floors were scratched and hadn't been clean in a few years. Coach Wheeler was young for a teacher and still in shape. He was loud but seemed to be nice, at least nicer than my last one. We ran a mile today. I was the first one finish. Poor Billy finished last. He wasn't  very athletic apparently. Coach Wheeler was impressed with my running time.

"Do you play any sports?" He asked, when I came in.

"Yes, sir. Baseball." I answered, after I caught my breath.

"What position?" He asked, interested.

"Catcher." I said, proudly.

"Good we need a catcher this year. I'll let you know when winter workouts will be starting up. It'll be a few weeks but I'll let you know." Coach Wheeler said.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes, really." He laughed. I smiled big until I remembered the only piece of equipment I had was my glove.

"Is it alright that all I have is my glove? When I moved here all I could take was my glove." I tried to explain the best I could without giving too much away.

"Yes, boy. We have all equipment you will need." He said. My smile grew again.

"Thanks." I said, smiling. He nodded. I sat down on the grass. I looked at the baseball field. It wasn't very well maintained but I didn't care. A field was a field. I couldn't wait to be playing again. I had no doubt about making the team. I was good, one of the best on my team before. Practice. I just needed some time to get my strength back and those workouts were definitely going to help. I hadn't been this excited since the last time I played.

"What did Coach Wheeler say to you?" Billy asked, as we headed into the locker room.

"He told me about baseball conditioning starting in a few weeks." I said, grabbing my clothes from the locker.

"That's cool." Billy said.

"Yeah. I'm going to go change." I said, holding up my clothes. He nodded and I went into the bathroom stall. Once the bell rang, Billy showed me the way to Spanish and went to his class. Spanish wasn't as confusing as my other classes. They were at the same place I left out which was a relief. Then I went to my last class of the day: history. Billy and I sat at totally opposite sides of the room which put me at ease more than I had been in any of my classes with him. We took notes and again I got notes that I missed from Mr. Torrey, one of the more strict teachers I had. When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, I felt lighter. School here wasn't so bad. The people here were a little nosy but they all seemed relatively nice.

"You still like it here?" Billy asked, as walked out of class.

"Yeah." I said.

"Are you walking home?" He asked.

"Not today. Grandma wants to know how my day went. You know her, she can't wait the twenty minutes it would take me to walk home." I said, chuckling. Billy laughed with me in agreement.

"I'm taking the bus home. I better get going. I don't want to miss it again." Billy said. That explained his sweaty appearance this morning. I smirked, imagining him running from that mansion of his to this school.

"Alright, bye." I said, to his retreating back.

"Bye. See ya tomorrow." He yelled, turning around from the crowd. I smiled, in spite of myself. This kid wasn't going to be easy to shake off. He was too damn adorable. I really hoped this wouldn't come back to bite me, I thought to myself as I walked out to the student parking lot. Grandma was already there, waiting.

"What took you so long? How was it? Did Billy show you around everywhere? Do y'all have any classes together? Was everybody nice to you?" Grandma said, as soon as I opened the door. I looked at the clock on her radio. School had only been out five minutes. I laughed as I sat down.

"It was good, Grandma. Yes, Billy showed me around everywhere. We have four classes together: physics, English, gym and history. Yes, Grandma everybody was nice to me." I said, answering all her questions.

"That's good. Tell me all about it." She said, happy. On the way home I started my recap of my day, minus lunch. Then I had stop and restart once I got home for Grandpa. They were both pleased by how my day went. I was amused by how curious and interested they were. I never had such a captivated audience before. It wasn't until dinner when Aunt Niccole was there that I had to repeat my day again. During that time I did my homework downstairs in the store. It was almost like my old routine which was comforting.

"Spencer, its closing time." Grandpa said, as I was reading through some History notes. I looked up and nodded. I packed up everything and went upstairs with him. I could smell steak as soon as I entered the stairway. Yum, I thought to myself as I made my way to the kitchen. Aunt Niccole was in the kitchen with Grandma, helping her set the table.

"Dinner's ready." Grandma said, placing a plate on the table.

"It smells good, hon." Grandpa said, kissing her lightly on the cheek as he passed by her. She smiled at him, with the look of love shining in her eyes. I hoped one day I would find that.

The rest of the day ended with ease. Dinner was good. I told Aunt Niccole about my day and about baseball workouts. She was excited for me like Grandma and Grandpa were but didn't ask nearly as many questions about school as they did fortunately. After dinner I helped out with cleaning up and started studying again. Then I went to bed. My life fell into the routine over the next couple of weeks. The only changes were my tutoring. I wasn't as confused about my class as before which was very nice. My grades were back at the same level as they were before I left and I was rapidly climbing the ranks to top of my class. I started practicing baseball with some guys in my class, James and Drew. Everything was great here. It was my past that was dragging me down. I had nightmares every night, waking up in a cold sweat and too scared to go back to sleep. If someone raised this voice, fear gripped my insides. I was angry and frustrated that I was still gripped with fear every day. I knew I was safe here as long as no one found out about my secret. I knew that I was safe from my dad. I didn't come home everyday knowing that I was going to beat for some trivial reason. I came home to people that loved me and wanted me there. That was the biggest adjustment for me to make. I was used to hiding and making myself appear smaller and less noticeable, hoping I could avoid being hit or yelled at for one night.

My only problem that was brought by Ripley was Billy. That kid was killing me with that innocent look in his emerald eyes and charming smile. I seemed to melt inside whenever he talked. I had almost lost my drive to keep him at a safe distance. To be honest, it was slipping each and every day spent with him. I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, tell him everything about my past and how much I cared for him. I didn't know how I grew to care for him but my attachment, my bond to him internally was undeniable but I had to deny it. I had to protect myself and my secret. I couldn't make the same mistake again. Anyways, there was no way he felt the same way. I had to save myself the heartache and move on but I still let myself slip further towards him, my will almost gone. Today was my biggest test of my will, the test that seemed to determine my future, well at least my high school future.

It was the same routine day I had since I started school. Tutoring, classes, and then lunch. Billy and I were sitting at our same table, talking and joking like we did normally. Actually it was more of Billy doing the talking and joke telling. I just sat there mesmerized by him and smiled at him like a love sick puppy. I had just finished laughing at one of his corny jokes as he said, "Let's get to gym early." Completely under his spell, I nodded and followed him to the locker room. When we got there, it was just us. The bell hadn't even rang yet.

"What are we doing here?" I asked, setting my bag down on the bench. Billy turned about fifty different shades of red, stuttering and stammering. I looked at him confused by this out of character behavior. He was always the calm, confident one.

"I wanted to tell you something." He finally managed to get out. His eyes were glued to the floor, embarrassed. What was he doing? I knew exactly what I wanted him to say. What I wanted him to do. But I knew that would never happen. Not in a million years. "Maybe I should just show it." He muttered. I stared at him, more confused than ever. His soft hands cupped my face, leaving me breathless. I looked into his closing emerald eyes as the sense of déjà vu overcame me. This just happened to me over three months ago. Was I going to make the same mistake again? Was I going to let him kiss me then push me away once a teacher or a student came in? Was I going to let myself be held down and beaten again? I could already taste the metallic in my mouth again. I pushed him away.

"No, I'm sorry." I whispered. His eyes looked up at me, the sting of rejection shining clearly through them. I knew that look all too well. "I can't do this again." With that I got up and headed into the bathroom stall. The picture of his face twisted in hurt and rejection burned into my brain.

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