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[text] =>

"Dear diary, this was the night that I went out on a semi-official date with John Dermanis. At first it was awkward, but then we became more comfortable. He had eyes only for me! And the WAY he stared at me... it sent shivers down my spine... it was like he was undressing me with his eyes... I like the sound of that...

Anyway, he agreed to help me with my speech! I can't wait to spend some more quality time with him! Not that tonight did lead to anything... We said our goodbyes without even kissing or anything! But still... I'm going to give him a chance..."

I sighed and closed my diary. I stared blankly at the cover for a few minutes lost in thought.

"What if something had happened? What if we... did it?"

I shuddered as the obscure image flooded my mind's eye. I still couldn't imagine myself 'doing it' with John; it seemed all wrong.

I slowly put the book away and cuddled down into my blankets. I had come home, had a shower and got into my pajamas before pulling out my diary from a secret place. Now I was exhausted.

I closed my eyes, feeling any disappointment melt away as I fell asleep steadily and slipped into beautiful dreams of love and acceptance.

♂+♂=♥

My heart was fluttering madly like a caged bird as I walked up to John and his group of friends. I just longed to run away back to the library.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this!' I thought. 'I can't believe I talked myself into doing this!"

I dawdled a bit closer, trying not to seem imposing. I didn't know if John's invitation still stood after I turned him down the first time; but I wanted to try sitting with him at lunchtime anyway.

I edged even closer, my heart beating unbearably fast now. Once I was close enough to hear John and his friends talking, I froze. I was about to turn away when John noticed me.

"Damien! Come over here!"

I inhaled and stepped forward, feeling hot in the face as all of the guys around John stared at me. I felt their eyes follow me as I came around to John and sat next to him. I lowered my eyes and wished that I was back in the library.

"This is Damien, the guy I was talking about."

"Ah! You're that mute, aren't ya? M'name's Guy." He said with a smile.

One by one, the boy's all introduced themselves.

I nodded dumbly, not really understanding what he was saying. I glanced at John nervously, checking that everything was OK. I felt as if I was intruding in his life. John was grinning back at me.

"How'd you two meet then?" Blake asked.

"In the library."

Everyone stared at him and Blake raised an eyebrow.

I guessed that he didn't want his friends to know they were basically together. John ignored them. I watched, still feeling intrusive. I pulled out my personal organizer and wrote;

"If it's a problem, I'll leave..."

I showed it to John, who starting laughing.

"No it's fine..."

"What's that'll about?" Guy asked.

The guys all peered at my personal organizer that was now clutched in my hands.

"It's how he talks"

The guys all gasped and looked up at me in wonder.

"Shit... That's... Wow That double sucks."

I blushed and smiled, writing that it was nothing and that I was used to it by now.

"I've been like this all my life."

Guy, Blake, Victor and Chase wowed again.

"How come you haven't hanged out with us before?" Victor asked.

"I believe you meant to say hung out. It's a past tense verb. Hanged isn't even a word." Chase replied.

"Yes it is, like 'he was hanged at the neck."

Chase hit him over the head and Victor hit him back. Blake, Guy and John laughed.

"I used to sit in the library and read books and study..."

The five guys crowded around my personal organizer to read what was written down in silence. They all finished reading at different times and exclaimed in an uproar.

"Well done! I guess you're top of the class then?"

Chase gasped, making me turn a deeper shade of scarlet. I went to reply when Victor blurted out,

"Far out man! The library's for dweebs!"

As he was hit over the head by both his brother and John, Guy said,

"Ya must've been'll lonely in the library all by yerself."

I nodded half-by and then shrugged my shoulders, not feeling secure enough to share my emotions to them yet.

"See, Damien. I told you they would like you. But not as much as I do."

This sent a shiver up my spine and my face burning once more.

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