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"It all started when I was ten, I guess. My brother, Jack, and I were playing on the pavement outside. I can't remember why, but we had an argument. I got mad and pushed him. He fell backwards, lost his balance and landed on the road. A car was speeding along and... Jack died instantly they told me..."

I gasped, wrapping my arm around him. John had tears running down his eyes but continued to speak.

"After that, I changed. I couldn't be happy, no matter what I did. My parents noticed and sent me to a shrink. The entire doctor could do, was to give me these stupid pills. Longing to be normal, to have some stability in my life, I went out with this girl. Desperate to prove myself, I hurt her and she left me... I gave up after that.... But, a couple of years later, I met you and everything changed. I was happy again. My smiles and laughter were real once more. Damien, you cured me. I wanted you so bad, that I kept distancing myself... That might seem weird, I know."

I shook my head. It was exactly like me. I distanced myself from other people so I couldn't be hurt. That was what I did when my father left us just because I couldn't speak. I wrote this now, showing John.

"Damien, I told those bullies to rough you up. I wanted to save the day and have sex with you... I went about it the wrong way. Again I'm extremely sorry." He said in a sincere voice.

The breath was knocked out me as shock hit me hard. I didn't know what emotion I should be feeling: angry, scared or understanding.

"I never meant for them to hurt you. I just wanted them to scare you a bit, so I could save you... So you would be even more attracted to me. I wanted to be absolutely sure that you wanted me as much as I do you before I did anything I would regret. I didn't want to lose you." He said and I could feel the sincerity and the regret in his voice.

"You didn't have to... I've loved you a lot since you first talked to me a week ago. I've just been... confused at your behavior...But I understand now. John, I forgive you."

John had his face in his hands, crying softly. I had to poke him softly so that he looked up. His face cracked into a smile.

"You really mean it?" He sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "After everything that I did?"

"Of course. We are friends, right?"

John laughed and hugged me tightly.

"But I want to be more than friends. I want to be your boyfriend!"

He answered back in a soft voice. He placed a hand on either side of my head and brought his lips to mine. We kissed long, hard and passionately.

I had my eyes closed, letting the other boy's tongue explore my mouth. Sitting there kissing felt so good to me that I felt warm and... Safe. I started to press up against John, my small hands on his chest, feeling the heartbeat beyond the clothes and flesh. I was aware of John's hands clutching at my back, bringing me closer and closer.

Suddenly, kissing wasn't enough. I wanted to touch and be touched, to be naked together. Now more than anything. I pulled away from my lover and smiled at him.

"Um... Do you want to go inside?"

He asked, hope in his eyes. He also had a shy smile on his lips. I nodded, putting my head to his chest and closing my eyes. I took in a deep breath and readied myself. John stood, lifting me to my feet and holding my hand. I smiled at him.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be,"

My heart fluttering in my chest like a caged bird. I couldn't believe that we were going to do 'it'. Was it really what I wanted? Inside of me, I knew it was.

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