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I hear the door close from downstairs and I'm immediately on edge. That means Kellin is home from work which also means I'm about to tell him about my trip to see Carter.

I'm anxious and jittery as I hear him pottering around the house. I soon hear his footsteps on the stairs and the closer he gets, the more sick I feel.

I try to reassure myself that Kellin might understand and he might take this really well, but I know Kellin and I know that he won't.

He enters the room and a beautiful smile falls onto his face upon seeing me.

"Hey Handsome," he beams, kicking his shoes off.

He's in such a good mood that I question whether this is the right time to tell him, but I guess there will never be a right time to admit to your husband that you lied to him.

"Hey." I smile forcibly.

He practically skips over to me and climbs onto my lap, giving me a needy kiss.

My heart sinks further to my stomach if possible. He's definitely in the mood for sex. But I can't put off telling him any longer.

It would be completely inappropriate and wrong of me if I were to put this off so we could have sex.

"Kell," I sigh, placing my hand on his chest.

He looks at me puzzled but gets the hint and moves from my lap.

"What?" he frowns.

"We need to talk." I mumble.

Anxiety enters his eyes as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"Is everything okay? Are we okay?" he asks worried.

I want to collect my thoughts but I don't want to keep him waiting so I begin rambling.

"I need you to know that what I did came from a place of pure love and I only did it because I wanted you to be happy and safe. But I should never have lied to you and I'm so sorry, my Love." I blurt out.

Kellin looks confused but I can see a hint of ire bubbling under the surface.

"What did you do?" he asks accusingly. I can already see him shrinking into himself.

"I didn't go see my aunt the other day." I admit, and Kellin's face falls.

I feel sick as I run my fingers through my hair and Kellin waits for me to continue. I avert my gaze to the bed sheets, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes.

"I went to see Carter." I say.

Kellin's unexpectedly silent so I look back at him. His face holds a viscious combination of shock, disgust, pain and confusion.

"You what?" he snaps, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"I wanted to convince him to turn himself in. I just wanted to ensure your safety and happiness, Love." I explain.

"What the fuck!" he shouts. "Don't you dare try to justify this! You lied to me! You lied to me because you knew I wouldn't approve!"

Tears are spilling over his cheeks and I just to comfort him.

I reach for his hand but he pulls it away.

"Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me!" he cries, jumping back off the bed and wrapping his arms around himself. "Why would you do this to me?"

He chokes on a sob which breaks my heart.

"Kellin, I didn't want to hurt you." I whimper.

"I can't even be near you right now. I can't even look at you." he wails turning away from me.

I don't want to make this worse and I don't want to hurt him anymore, so I stand off the bed and take one of my pillows.

"I'll leave you alone, okay? I'll go sleep on the couch. Are you, are you going to be alright?" I stammer, getting a little choked up myself.

"Just go, Vic." he hiccups through a sob.

I respect his wishes and leave the room. I feel dizzy and nauseated. Somehow that went worse that anything I was anticipating.

I hate myself for hurting him so bad. I don't know if he's ever going to forgive me for this. I don't even know if I should be forgiven.

Have I completely misjudged this whole thing? Have I done more harm than good?

I sit down on the sofa and oceans form in my eyes as I listen to my husband cry hysterically upstairs.

I'm worried. What if I've hurt him to the point where he wants to hurt himself?

I'm desperate to go back up there and make sure he's okay but I don't want to make it worse.

I pull my phone out and text Jenna, hoping that she'll come around.

Vic: Jen, I told him and it went really bad and I'm worried about him. Can you come over?

I tap my foot anxiously as I wait for a response. It's barely a minute before she texts back.

Jenna: on my way.

I throw my phone on the coffee table and put my face in my hands. I desperately want to cry but it feels wrong. I shouldn't be the one crying.

It's an eternity of Kellin wailing until I hear the door click open. Jenna hurries in and heads to the stairs immediately following Kellin's sobs.

I pull my pillow to my chest and hug it as I hear the muffled sound of Jenna comforting Kellin. His wails get softer as Jenna talks to him but he raises his voice when he talks back to her.

"Why would he break my trust like this? I don't understand!" he yells.

There's more muffled talking from Jenna.

"No, clearly his intentions were to hurt me!" he snaps.

I feel gutted. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted.

I don't hear much after that, just muffled talking followed by silence. Soon enough, Jenna comes back down the stairs.

She sits next to me on the sofa and sighs.

"Is he okay?" I choke out.

"He's fine." she assures me, rubbing my back softly. "He's just upset. But he's going to sleep on it and address this with a clear head in the morning."

"I never meant to hurt him." I whimper.

"I know." she coos. "And he will too. Just give him some space."

"Okay," I sniff, nodding in defeat.

"If either of you need anything else, just give me a call, okay?" she soothes.

"Okay," I repeat.

She kisses my temple and gives my shoulder a squeeze before she finally leaves.

I get up to lock the door behind her, because I know Kellin would want me to. When I return to the sofa, I find my phone screen lit up.

I pick it up and frown at the message on the screen from an unknown number.

Unknown: Kellin doesn't have to worry anymore.

I unlock my phone and immediately notice that this person has messaged me before, but not recently.

I scroll back to try and decipher who this is but it doesn't take me long. One text message from over a year ago pieces the puzzle together, and it's from me.

Vic: I love you too babe.

I feel sick upon realizing this is Carter. I must have deleted his contact but forgot to block him. He also must still have my number saved in his phone which is quite disturbing. Does this mean he still has Kellin's number? Should we change our numbers.

I go back down and reread the message I just received. Why doesn't Kellin have to worry? Does this mean he's turning himself in? Why is he texting me so late? Why is he texting me at all?

I roll my eyes, frustrated by the text. Maybe I shouldn't have met up with him if all its done is given him permission to come back into my life.

I toss my phone back down deciding to not text back. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

I take my pillow and hug it to my chest subconsciously wishing it was Kellin.

It's been a while since I slept without him beside me. I honestly don't think I can.

I clutch my pillow tightly for the rest of the night, missing my husband who is only just upstairs, and hoping to god I haven't ruined my marriage.

-

I'm going to be updating this on Saturdays instead of Fridays now.

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