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"You don't have to do that, Kells." Vic sighs.
"I've got it. Don't worry." I say back as I place Vic's things in his suitcase.
We haven't even left the dorm yet and we're both already frustrated.
"I'm just stressed." Vic says quietly.
"Why?" I frown, abandoning his suitcase momentarily to give him my full attention.
He sits on the bed beside his luggage and runs his fingers through his hair.
"I want this trip to be fun for you. I don't want to burden you with all my needs. As much as I hate to admit it..." he trails off then swallows hard. "I do need help with some things."
I give him a sympathetic smile that I forget he can't see. Then I gently squeeze his shoulder.
"Vic, it's okay. I'm completely happy to assist. I promise you won't be a burden. Besides, I kinda like holding your hand." I assure him.
He smiles at the last bit and nods.
"Okay. You're really sweet. Thank you." he sighs.
"You're welcome. Let's go have a fun weekend, yeah?" I suggest, enthusiastically.
"Hell yeah." he beams, clasping his hands together.
Vic and I finish getting ready for our trip, then we make our way out of the dorm building with our luggage. I help Vic down the stairs with his suitcase and he seems a little bothered by it until I take his hand, relaxing him almost immediately.
We find Sam with her car outside of campus, ready to take us to the airport.
She's grinning stupidly at me. I feel like she's probably more excited for this trip than I am, and she's not even coming.
I help Vic load his suitcase into the trunk and throw mine in on top of his, then I attempt to help him into the car but he seems to know what he's doing. I slide in the backseat next to him, just in case he needs me.
"You boys excited?" Sam beams.
"So excited." Vic grins which makes me smile. I'm glad he's excited. I'm so glad we're taking this trip.
We soon arrive at the airport after a short drive with a very talkative Sam, a very respondent Vic and a very quiet me.
"Do you need me to walk you in?" Sam asks, mothering me like usual.
"I'm sure we've got it, Sammie." I assure her.
"Okay, just remember that if there's any problems or you need someone, I'm just a phonecall away." she explains.
"Thanks Sammie." I smile before I lean forward and kiss her cheek.
I get out of the car and help Vic out, then we go around to the trunk where I get out our luggage.
I notice a saddened sigh leave Vic's lips as I hand him his walking cane. He pulls it open, extending it so it's ready for use. I can tell he doesn't want to use it, but feels the need.
I pass Vic his suitcase which I then learn doubles as a backpack as he finds the straps and heaves it onto his back. I take his free hand as the other holds his cane, and then grab my own suitcase.
"Text me when you land, and stay safe. I love you, Kells." Sam says, practically leaning out the car window.
"I love you too, Sam. See you Monday."
After that, she drives off, leaving Vic and I alone. I look to the airport entrance which immediately seems daunting. There's a lot of people.
"How long until boarding?" Vic asks as I begin leading him towards the entrance.
"Forty-five minutes. Let's hope we can get through security and find the gate in time." I chuckle nervously.
"I'm blind. This is up to you, babe." he grins.
I'm startled by the pet name and begin to analyse it's meaning until I realise I'm wasting essential time.
I push the pet name to the back of my mind and begin navigating my way through the airport.
We go through security and I worry about Vic the entire time but he seems fine, as the friendly staff seem to know how to assist.
I shouldn't expect so little of Vic. He's completely capable of handling himself. He's not stupid. I just can't seem to shake this need to care for him.
After all that, I'm still left looking for the gate.
With a quiet, but intense frustration radiating from inside me, I pull Vic through the airport looking helplessly for the gate. It's the blind leading the blind.
It's honestly a miracle that I find the gate with ten minutes to spare.
Just as I'm about to take a seat in the waiting area, a flight attendant calls for 'pre-boarding'. I don't think much about it until Vic yanks at my hand.
"Perks of being blind." he says.
"Oh." I smile in realization.
We walk hand in hand, entering the plane along with other people who seem to have injuries or disabilities. A stewardess leads us to our seat, despite the fact that I could probably have located it just fine.
"Do you want window seat?" I ask Vic.
"Kells, I'm blind." he chuckles then I feel stupid about the question.
I maneuver my way over to the seat closest to the window. Vic drops my hand so he can locate the seat.
"Do you need some help, Sir?" the stewardess asks slowly and loudly, as if she was talking to a hard of hearing child.
"Think he's got it." I mumble, annoyed as Vic takes his seat next to me.
"If you need any assistance, feel free to ask for some help." she says in that same voice then she leaves.
"What a bitch." I mutter bitterly.
"What?" Vic chuckles confused.
"She spoke to you like you were an idiot." I huff.
"Oh that. A lot of people do that. You know, I barely even notice it anymore." he shrugs.
I sigh and gently rest my head on his shoulder.
"You tired?" Vic asks softly.
"A bit." I nod.
"I'll be your pillow." he chirps.
"No offense, but I think you're too toned to be comfortable." I joke bringing my hand to his firm bicep that is covered by a jacket sleeve.
"Aw I'm sorry." he chuckles.
"Don't be. It's hot." I mumble.
I'm surprised by my own words. I just casually called a guy hot, aloud, in a public setting, and I don't even feel shitty about it.
Vic just chuckles again and we sit in silence as people begin boarding the plane. I notice people begin to stare at Vic as they walk past and I become annoyed. People shouldn't stare. It's rude.
But then I notice that no one has really looked at me. The attention is on Vic's blindness and not my scar. No one is staring at me for once.
And now I feel a little grateful that Vic is blind because it's taking the attention off of me. I can rest my head again this attractive boy's shoulder and not feel self-consciousness about it because no one is noticing. No one cares. All they care about is Vic's blindness.
I get a pang of guilt from my selfish thoughts, but quickly clear the whole thing from my mind. I'm just going to try to enjoy this weekend. Not stress too much.
Fifteen minutes go by and everyone seems boarded. A flight attendant begins to give out the routine safety instructions in case of a crash but I zone out and look out the window.
"Kells, why is she making it sound like we're going to crash? We won't crash, right?" Vic says nervously.
I turn back to him confused, and find him feeling around for my hand. I take his hand and give it a squeeze. This must be his first flight.
"This is just routine. They do if before every flight. We're fine." I tell him.
I watch him nod and take a deep breath. I then notice how sweaty his hand is.
"I never would have took you for a nervous flyer." I chuckle.
"I'm not a nervous flyer." he says defensively.
"Okay." I surrender, smirking at him.
God, it's so cute how he puts up this strong demeanor. It makes me cherish the moments I've seen him be vulnerable.
After a few more minutes, the plane is ready for take off and we're told to fasten our seatbelts. Suddenly the same stewardess from before appears next to Vic.
"Sir, can I help you with your seatbelt?" she asks in that condescending tone.
I've just about had enough so I snap.
"Listen lady, he's blind, not brainless. Take a hike." I tell her.
She looks at me disgusted then huffs before storming away.
Vic bursts into laughter.
"Oh my god, Kellin. Seriously, relax." Vic laughs.
"I'm sorry." I frown.
"It's okay. I appreciate you sticking up for me, but I have to pick my battles. I'm just lucky that she's offering me help, even though she's a little ignorant. Many places I go, I'm flat out ignored so actually being offered assistance is nice." he explains. I immediately feel stupid.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I apologize again.
"Don't be. You're sexy when you're sassy." he smiles.
I blush at his words then Vic drops my hand, so I use the opportunity to distract myself with my seatbelt.
Vic locates his seatbelt then clips it in seemingly with ease.
I watch him, just adoring him. I can't believe he called me sexy. I can't believe he called me babe. I don't know how I'm going to survive this weekend if he keeps this up.
The plane begins its departure down the runway, and I look out the window at the asphalt below us with wonder, as if I were a kid again.
"Are we moving? We're moving, right? Are we in the air?" Vic ask, anxiously.
I turn back to him and find him gripping the armrests tightly.
"We're moving. We haven't left the groud yet though. You'll feel us tilt when we do." I explain to Vic.
I can understand why this is making him panic. It must be scary not being able to see what's happening.
The airplane soon begins to tilt back as we gain flight and are lifted off the runway.
"Oh god," Vic gulps. "Kells, fuck, tell me we're not going to die."
I can see him really panicking now and I'm completely worried.
"Vic, babe, we're fine. The plane has to get in the air before it can fly. The pilots have done this a thousand times." I assure him. "We're going to be fine. I would never have let you get on this plane if I thought you wouldn't be safe."
"Okay," Vic says taking a shaky breath in.
I place my hand over his to hopefully calm him but he stills seems rather panicked.
I just need to keep him calm for just a few more minutes.
"Why don't I show you that tongue thing?" I suggest, blushing at my own words.
"Tongue thing? What tongue thing?" he spits out confused.
"Remember that day...in the hall. We were trying to get into our dorm." I explain, dancing around the subject of what really happened that night.
"Oh," Vic says in realisation. "Yeah the tongue thing. I fucked that up, didn't I?"
His cheeks are flushed in embarrassment, but at least his mind is off the plane's ascent.
"Let me show you." I murmur, cupping his cheek. He turns to me, seeming nervous and I can't tell whether it's from the plane or from me.
I look around us quickly to make sure no one is watching, then I lean in and kiss Vic. I kiss him slowly and his lips follow mine. He releases his tight grip on the handrest and gently touches my arm. If he wasn't distracted before, he is now.
I tenderly glide my tongue along his bottom lip, causing it to fall open slightly. My tongue slips into his mouth and his hand grips my arm a little tighter.
I kiss him deeply and sensually for the next few minutes until we're fully in the air and the fasten-seatbelt light switches off.
When I pull away, Vic is out of breath and I feel a little floaty.
"Okay, yep, I see what I did wrong." he chuckles, blushing furiously.
I can't help but to laugh at that which makes Vic grin.
Suddenly, the plane shakes as we experience some turbulence.
"What was that?" Vic quakes, once again gripping the armrest.
"Just turbulence. Totally normal. Relax. We're fine." I assure him.
He nods takes a breath.
The stewardess comes over. She now seems hesitant.
"Can I assist in any way?" she asks.
I just roll my eyes but remember what Vic told me.
"Yeah, can I get a whisky on the rocks?" Vic asks.
"Sure thing." she chirps. "Can I see some identification?"
Vic pulls his wallet from his pocket and opens it. He holds it up, revealing his ID, although he's holding it upside down.
"Thank you very much. I'll be right back with your drink."
She then leaves to get Vic his drink.
"I don't know what it is but there's something really hot about you drinking whiskey." I admit staring at him dreamily.
"Perhaps you just find me hot in general." Vic teases.
"Perhaps." I grin.
Vic turns away from me for a second then when he turns back, he seems thoughtful.
"You're different today." he says.
I frown.
"What do you mean? What kind of different?" I ask confused and a little anxious.
"You're not so shy. I like it." he smiles. "Don't get me wrong, I like when you're shy too, that's cute, I just also like this other side of you."
"College makes me feel more reserved. People are constantly staring at me. I feel better being away from there." I admit, probably being the most open with Vic than I've ever been.
"Why do they stare?" Vic frowns confused.
"My scar." I whisper.
"Oh." Vic says. "Are you sure? They're probably just checking you out."
I giggle at his bizarre statement which makes him grin.
"Maybe that's why people stare at you." I mumble.
"Ha! I think there might be another reason for that." he chuckles lowly.
"That's why I stared at you." I blurt out.
"What?" Vic chuckles confused.
"When we first met. You thought I was staring because you were blind. I didn't even notice you were blind. I just thought you were attractive." I admit quietly.
"Why didn't you just tell me that?" he frowns.
"Because that's perverted." I snort, but I'm serious about my words.
Vic frowns, seeming to catch on to my seriousness.
"Hardly." he says.
I don't contribute any more to the conversation in order to steer my mind away from my engrained homophobic misconceptions.
When you're forced to believe that something is unnatural or perverse, it's so hard not to feel ashamed of it, despite knowing that it's okay. It's like this shame is a bad habit I need to break.
Maybe Dr. Levit is right. Maybe I just need to correct those thoughts and eventually I won't feel like that anymore.
So I try to spend the rest of the flight mentally assuring myself that it's normal and fine to find Vic attractive. But inevitably, I begin to feel nauseated so I give up on thinking altogether.
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