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Gummy's P.O.V

~~~

3 Months Later

((Triggering part and I repeat TRIGGERING PART))

I was sitting on my bed, staring at a small silver blade that lain between my fingertips. I swore to myself a month ago, I wouldn't go back to these habits. I just wouldn't. For my kingdom and for myself.

But here I sit, with the deadly, but my only friend, thing in my hand, having a war in my head whether to use it or not.

Three months ago, I was Marshall's. Literally his. But he found somebody new. Everyone always finds someone better than me.

I'm pretty sure there will be a better person to come along and be a better king than me.

My friends stopped talking to me. More like I stopped talking to them. Because in just a week of me being Marshall's, I knew I had fallen in love.

He made my heart flutter with excitement and anticipation and nervousness. He could make me smile real big and he turned out to be really sweet. He treated me right as his. So, when he told me to go pick some raspberries for him, I did. When I came back and saw him making out with FINN, my heart broke in two.

I ran back to my kingdom, whom knew I was just 'hanging' out with Marshall, told the guards that I banned Marshall and Finn from my kingdom and locked myself in my room.

I haven't come out since then. Yes, in three months I haven't come out. I'll occasionally eat the food Peppermint Maid brings me. She brings me the papers I need to sign and the bills I need to pay. I have a bathroom with a shower and everything in it.

And I have my friends.

My blades, my lighters, and my rope. Just in case. Because I have thought of suicide.

I used to be scared of suicide. But now it seems... it seems beautiful. If I just pluck up enough courage, I'll do it.

Then, I decided, who gives a shit if I cut again? Actually, no one knows so why not? I need to release this pain somehow.

So, I took the blade and sliced my skin, deeper than I have ever done. It felt so amazing. It felt wonderful and I cried in pain and happiness. False happiness.

No one will ever love you again, Gumball

You're alone now

You'll always be alone

The only love you'll recieve is the end of the razor

Kill yourself, you worthless piece of fucking shit

I am worthless. I should kill myself. No one loves me, I know.

I dropped the blade as blood splattered onto the floor from it and started sobbing loudly, sobbing till my lungs became sore, sobbing and letting all of my pain out through my cries.

Sobbing until I passed out.

~~~

I woke up with tear stains on my cheeks and my throat sore. I sighed, hugging my pillow against my chest. I wonder what Marshall and Finn are doing.

Probably fucking.

Tears rolled down my cheeks again and I tried to hold in my sobs which came out as whimpers. I clutched my pillow tightly.

Then I threw it against the wall, screaming until my lungs gave out. I thought someone would come, but then I knew that no one cared anymore.

They didn't seem to care at all. They didn't come to see if I was hurt. If anything was wrong.

So I got my friend and wiped the dried blood off of my arm and started drawing on my arm.

M

A

R

S

H

A

L

L

Carved into my arm.

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