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I opened the door to the fridge, hoping I could unnoticeably grab a snack before Vic came home. I was grabbing an apple when I heard the door being unlocked. I threw the apple in the fridge and slammed the door shut. I tried to step away but I didn't quite make it.

"Kellin! I fucking told you not to eat!" Vic yelled at me.

I whimpered, knowing he was going to hit me.

"I-I'm sorry, Vic." I stammered. "I couldn't help it. You haven't let me eat in three days."

"We don't have money! We can't be wasting food. The food is for me only! I actually need it because I do things like work! You don't do shit, you worthless pig!" He yelled, throwing me against the wall.

I cried out at the pain, resulting in me getting slammed against the wall again.

"Kellin, what did I fucking say about you screaming when I punish you? You deserve it! You fucked up!" Vic growled.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. P-please don't hurt me again." I yelped, tears running down my cheeks.

"I'll let you get away with this if you stop fucking crying!" He ordered.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop." I said, wiping the tears away.

My lip quivered as I looked Vic in the eye. If I did so much as to glance away, I'd be screwed.

"Good. Before you decided to break my rules, I was going to take you out but I don't know if you deserve that anymore." He groaned. "I wanted to go out. Why do you always fuck everything up for me?"

"I don't try to. I'm just s-scared of you. Why do you have to h-hit me?" I asked him sadly.

"I'm the one who made you. I'll be the one who brings you down." He stated. "I'm here to discipline you and raise you, not love you. Your parents didn't take care of you so now I fucking have to do it."

"I'm sorry." I let my head hang down and just accepted the fact that he'd never actually love me.

"Go get ready. We're still gonna go out for my own pleasure." He ordered. "I should just go cheat on you. Any guy would be more fun than you at the club." He added.

I didn't say anything, I just walked upstairs to my bedroom. Vic didn't let us share a bed, better yet, a room. I used to lay on the floor of his room, but one day he got mad at me and told me that I didn't deserve a master bedroom, but he did because he was the master of me. I guess I understood.

I found a nice shirt that Vic bought me and my tightest jeans. Maybe if I looked decent, he'd be less mad. I did my hair and put makeup over the marks he had left me. I walked out nervously, hoping he'd calm down a little bit.

"Finally you're fucking ready." He rolled his eyes.

I had taken five minutes total. I apologized quickly.

"It's fine. You look...okay. Good job." He complimented.

I was happy that he actually told me something sweet.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"Yeah, whatever." He said in a bored tone of voice.

I followed him out the door and he locked it. We walked to the car and I sat in my usual spot; the center back seat with a small smile on my face.

"Why aren't you sitting in the front?" Vic asked angrily.

"You don't let me. You said I'm not worthy." I told him and the smile left my lips.

"Well, get up here. I'm not a fucking chauffeur!" He demanded.

I unbuckled myself and got out, now sitting in the front passenger seat. I liked this better but that didn't mean I still wasn't afraid of Vic. He rested his hand on my thigh and I flinched away.

"Don't flinch away from me." He said with anger as usual. He said everything with anger when it was toward me.

He tightened the grip on my thigh and continued driving. After a while, we pulled up to a familiar night club called Sambuka. Vic took me here sometimes when he was horny or simply in a good mood. That hardly ever happened though. I was so lucky when he was in a good mood. It made me feel like he actually loved me, but one simple event and I was reminded that I was with him to be disciplined, not loved.

I waited while Vic parked before asking him a question. "Am I allowed to get out?"

Sometimes he'd just leave me in the car, no matter how hot or cold it was, because he was embarrassed of me. I didn't know if he wanted to dance with me or another guy today.

"Yes, but don't get used to this." He warned.

I smiled brightly and hopped out of the car. I was going to take this opportunity and have a good time. If Vic let me, that is.

He grabbed my hand roughly and forced me to catch up with him. I must've been walking slowly.

"Listen," Vic started, roughly turning me to face him. I made sure to look him in the eye and give him all my attention. I didn't want him to yell at me. "You are not to leave my side no matter what, do you hear me?"

"Yes. I hear you." I gulped.

"Good. Another thing is, we're going to have fun my way. If I say we're fucking, then we're fucking. If I say I want you to drink until you throw up, then do it. Understand?" He added.

"Yes. I understand." I nodded. His eyes were full of anger and I hated it. He scared me so much but I loved him.

Why did I love him?

How did I love him?

It's not even the abuse that's the worse part. It's the fact that he doesn't love me back. Yes, he hurt me physically, but he hurt me more when I wasn't allowed to say I love you.

We walked in, the bouncer not even checking us for IDs. He was used to us coming here. Well not me. He was used to Vic coming here. It wasn't often that I actually got to go inside. The bouncer probably had no idea that I was Vic's boyfriend. Maybe because I wasn't allowed to call him my boyfriend. I was just his...and that's it. Sometimes I felt like a slave to him, but it's okay because it'd be worth it in the end. I hope.

There were flashing lights in the club and it was pretty packed. Not too much though. Vic pulled me over to the bar and shoved me onto a barstool. I smiled at the thought of possibly getting a drink. It all depended on whether or not Vic bought one for me. He never shared the money he made with me. He didn't let me get a job, either. I wouldn't do anything smart with my money anyway, according to him. It'd just be a waste of time.

"Do you want a drink?" He asked me.

"Sure." I smiled, my eyes lighting up.

Vic bought me the heaviest drink they had. I wasn't ready for that, but it's okay. At least he cared enough to get me something, right?

I took a small sip of the drink, coughing lightly. It hurt my throat.

"Stop fucking coughing." Vic growled at me in a hushed tone.

He turned to the bartender. "Excuse me, can you get him a glass of water, please?" Vic smiled.

It was foreign act to see him being so sweet and polite. If i were the bartender he would yell at me to pour the drink. I'd spill it from being scared, and then he'd tell me that I couldn't do anything right and end up doing it himself.

The guy slid a glass of water my way and I took a sip. I alternated between the two drinks slowly as Vic drank his. When he was finished, I was only about halfway done.

"Okay, you're done." He said, pulling the drink away from my lips and slamming it down. I choked on the drink from the sudden action. He pulled me off the barstool and led me to the dance floor.

He grasped my hips tightly, probably leaving bruises. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping he wouldn't be upset that I touched him.

"Dance for me now, you slut." He slurred.

"Vic, I don't know how." I told him nervously.

"Well fucking learn. Use that ass of yours and grind on me. It's not that hard, geez. If you weren't so useless, we wouldn't have this problem." He said with rage.

I was afraid that he would hit me but I remembered that I was safe because we were in public.

"I'm sorry. I'll try." I told him.

He turned me around and I attempted to do what he asked. I wasn't doing a good job. He was going to yell at me sooner or later.

"God, you fucking suck at this. You're supposed to turn me on, you idiot." He pushed me away from him, making me stumble back.

"We're going home. You just ruined my whole night. Great job, Kellin." He complained.

I was dragged out and shoved into the car. I knew that I was no longer safe from being hit. He'd hit me hard for this.

"I'm so fucking sick of you, Kellin! When are you going to get it together?! You don't have a job! You provide nothing for me! You can't even take care of yourself! God, I hate you so fucking much!" He screamed.

"You h-hate me?" I whimpered, looking at him sadly. My eyes were wide, watery, and hurt. I didn't want to believe that he hated me, but I knew it was true.

"Wait, no. Kellin, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, baby." He sympathized.

I broke our eye contact, not even caring if he hit me for it.

He wasn't sorry.

He did hate me and I was worthless, but that apology was one of the reasons that I loved him.

°

new story lol

slow updates probably bc I get writers block super easily

pls pls pls send requests here:

i luv u guys

i hope u like this v sad fic

lol bye

love,

kellin 💘💅🏽

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